Why do I care, why do I let it bother me?

Well first of all, it's been a few days or more....what's new - right?? It has been several days of very cold weather. We were at Lazy 5 Ranch yesterday with Jeremy's class and it was freezing but really fun! I will try to post a few pictures when I get a chance. One little girl that I just love (and was in his class last year too), fell off the back of the wagon and I just felt so bad for her. She was probably petrified, considering she was in the middle of a field with tons of animals. The wagon driver didn't hear and kept going, it took several shouts for him to finally stop. Mrs. Womack held her while she cried....I guess days like that make me think about my old desire to be a teacher....to be able to help kids learn and make them feel better. But then reality sits in, and I realize that although I love kids, I couldn't do it ALL DAY, EVERY DAY!

I have done good getting back on the wagon with walking this week (no pun intended, lol). So Far I have done 11 miles and am scheduled to do 6 more tomorrow. I just finished 5 this evening and my feet were SORRRRRE when I got back home. I can't wait until I can afford another pair of shoes. I will probably need 2 pairs between now and May.

I took the boys to the orthodontist yesterday. The guy is new here in NC, but has had a practice up in Boston for the past 11. Everybody was wonderful, the place is amazing and even has a game room and PSPs at each dental chair (the boys were THRILLED). I wasn't too thrilled with the price, but he is about the cheapest I have found, and is willing to TRY to work out some payment arrangements. I was hoping to pay off our Lowes bill with my first tuition reimbursement check, but it looks like I will be giving him a down payment so we can get started. The boys teeth are a bit more jacked up then I thought. SIGH.

Wondering about my Title of this blog yet??? LOL....it was the first thing that came to my mind, but before I expanded I wanted to give myself an account for the last couple days of my life. I have to do stuff when I think about it, or its gone from memory. My mom calls it SOMETIMERS....sounds about right!

I have a pretty BAD knack of letting EARTHLY things get to me. I know I need to lay it all at the feet of the cross and stop worrying about it, but it seems my mind doesn't udnerstand that too well. I experience greed, jealously, anger, and I say to myself DON'T and I can't stop. I feel like I am missing out on THINGS, and wonder WHY? Why don't they invite me? Why am I not part of their "thing". And then I wonder WHY? Why do I care? We are only here for a small moment and eternity will be everything I WANT and NEED down here and don't get. So why do those feelings of inadequacy and envy keep coming? Why do I care? Why do I let it bother me?

Finally, I just want to say how heart-broken I am for Hannah Grace's family. I have been following her mom's blogs for a month or more and was checking several times a day for updates. It amazes me how her mom seems to be offering us her heart and soul and even in her darkest days seems to be trying to comfort us, when we should be comforting her. I want my walk with Christ to be that strong. I want to know that even in my darkest hour I will still call out Jesus' name and fall on my knees and know that everything will be okay. Thank you for showing us God's grace during the most difficult time and thank you for showing us your faith..I can't wait to meet Hannah face to face one day when my life ends and my eternity begins!

Okay...I have to go and get my quilts done and my paper done that is due tomorrow...uggh!!

MckMama Giveaway

WOW - I don't normally try to win free stuff because, well, because I don't usually win...but I don't want to pass this one up just in case.....lets say I do win....WOWZER. I would love to have this computer that MckMama is advertising, and I am pretty sure you might want it to....so go ahead, give it a try. Go to http://mckgiveaways.blogspot.com/2009/12/hp-touchsmart-giveaway.html and enter yourself. And if you win from seeing on my blog (which I doubt is possible, since it is just me), maybe you can let me play with it once or twice!! LOL

The Walk, Being Sick, and just Catching Up

Well, I agreed to do the walk with Michaela and think it will do great to help me get some of these excess pounds off. The first week I did great and walked all 4 required days for a total of 13 miles. The second week was Thanksgiving and it started off OK. I walked the 3 on Tuesday and the 4 on Thursday (which was Thanksgiving and I was very proud of myself) but shortly after that I started feeling pretty bad. By saturday when I was supposed to walk again, I could barely breathe or walk...so I sat out that day...and the next...and I haven't started back yet. In my defense when I got to the Urgent Care, I did have an ear infection in both ears (with pus in my ear) on top of the coughing, sneezing, sore throat, achy, chills, just to name a few. I am starting to feel better but am still having a hard time breathing and coughing...so I decided to take this week off and start over next week. I go back to the doctor tomorrow, so hopefully all will be well.

Thanksgiving turned out really nice and I am glad we went, I just hope I didn't get anybody else sick. Christmas is right around the corner and I am hoping to get my energy back sooner than later so I can finish up the hats and quilts I am making for Christmas. I am hoping everybody will be coming here and we won't need to travel this year...we'll see.

I am working on getting my end of the year appraisal done that is due tomorrow. And I am behind on my bible reading and Homework...so I am going to drop off now and will try to come back in a day or two.

Just some crazy thoughts

Jeremy at the Bass Pro Shop

It's only been a couple of days or maybe a week this time. I thought I would try to write a little about what is going on now.

There is one week until Thanksgiving and a 5 weeks until Christmas, time is FLYING!
We are going to go to Kim's/Mom's house next Thursday for 2 days. JC may have gotten a job during the nights, so we will either be home late Friday night or early Saturday.

TJ is turning one this weekend, Maddy will be 3 next week, Jack just turned 10. Earvin is 16 and troubles my heart....I wish he would go home, but that is a whole other post. Robbie is going to be 18...that is crazy!!! Jeremy is 6 and in the first grade and the boys are 12 going on 30 and in the 7th grade. Where does time go?? I wish it was easier to live....so we could enjoy the boys more and worry less.

Michaela called me last week and asked me to walk in a MS walk in MD in May...only 31 miles over 2 days. At first I told her she was crazy, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought if I did this and followed the training schedule, I may get in shape...so I agreed....what was I thinking?? I started yesterday and JC and I walked 3 miles. So I am excited about that.

Stellan (from McMama's website) had an ablation surgery last week and is completely SVT free...but Hannah (another blog I read)is doing worse....I get so sad reading and I have been trying to stop myself...usually I just try to go to the MAIN ones just to check in on how they are doing.

I think Mandy had the baby last night, but haven't been able to confirm that yet....got to run and get some work done. Will try to post more in a bit!

Things are moving....

My mom's quilt (wall hanging) for Christmas


Mandy's quilt and matching pillow


Mandy's blanket and matching pillow


One side of Mandy's tissue box cover


The other side of Mandy's tissue box cover


Hats for Mandy's baby

Well I thought I would definitely write more, but I feel like I keep running out of time. We got loan modifications for both of our loans, it isn't a quick fix but it is helping for the moment. Do I still worry - sure. Do I still feel sick all the time - oh yeah! But I am trying to let it just roll off. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!!

JC is struggling now with his self-esteem. He hasn't been able to find a job since March and he is feeling worthless, angry, scared, and I am sure many more things...he doesn't handle his feelings very well. He is blaming God and that makes me so sad. He was a changed person and he has completely backslid and I don't know how to help him. All I know is I won't give up on him! I won't!!

Report cards came out last week. Jeremy is doing great as a first grader. He is so smart (just like his brothers) and he has now had several weeks with no letters below the line. If only they could start school later..{sigh}. James had one C but there were a series of circumstances that had led him to have an F at midterms (which is not a norm for him), so I think bringing it from an F to a C in 4 weeks is pretty amazing. Randall had all As & Bs. They are so much like me it is scary....if only they applied themselves more, they would do such amazing things.

So life keeps on moving.....we should be able to handle our bills for a few more months, but if he doesn't find a job soon, I'm not sure how much longer past that we can hold on.

We had a scare about a month ago when about 90% of two groups in my company got laid off. I was very worried, but Randy assured me I would still be employed and even better is I won't need to move to Louisville, he WANTS me to stay remote. I feel so very blessed by this prospect and yet I can't help feel anger, resentment, fear, and hurt by their decisions that will leave many of my friends and fellow coworkers without jobs beginning in March of 2010.

I finished Mandy's stuff for her baby shower *posted some pictures above* and now I am working on quilts and hats for everybody for Christmas! **I posted the first one for Christmas above too...this is for my mom!

I long to be like Jesus........

I read and follow many blogs, but none hits me quite as much as Katie at Amazima.

http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/


Katie amazes me with her faith and love and all of the ways she has adapted and the ways she helps children in a country that isn't hers. She has made it hers. She has made the children hers. She loves like Jesus. Serves like Jesus. When Jesus comes, I can only imagine that Katie will be among those at God's feet and will hear "Well done".

Emotions

I started to make a post yesterday, but said to myself NO...you are way too emotional to write anything. What happens if somebody actually reads your Blog? You don't really want anybody to know how you are feeling.....then I read McMama's post title "Honestly". Sure, McMama has hundreds, even thousands of readers, and a few that are personally attacking her. She DOES have the right to say and do whatever she wants on her own blog....so I thought...SO DO YOU!! Nobody reads this, and I have always wanted a place to journal my thoughts and happenings, so why not. But, something is still holding me back.....trust?? fear??? I dunno...it is just there!

Right now, I feel raw. I feel like my minute problems are nothing compared to babies and young mommies dying, and yet, I can't seem to cope. I keep telling myself to stop reading blogs, but it has become an obsession with me. I find these strong, intelligent, wonderful people who are dealing with or have dealt with death in a fashion that shows their love of Jesus Christ. They have peace and it scares me. I am scared that I will never have the kind of peace and dignity that these people have. I am scared I will never know Jesus the way they do. I am trying, but I seem to fail. I am scared if it were to happen to me, that I wouldn't have the love and support that they do.....I feel like I am the support, so if I am sick or gone....who would take over that role?

Is that why I feel raw.....maybe! I don't know why I read and cry and read and cry somemore, but I do believe, there is a reason, and one day I will figure it out....but I am raw because of my problems too. I am sad, stressed, scared, sceptical.....my heart aches because of our financial issues, because of the toll it seems to be having on our marriage, and because of something very hurtful that I heard from somebody who was supposed to love me. I feel betrayed. I feel hurt. I feel sad. I feel like I spend my life making excuses for people and things, but then I am hit the realization that those who are the closest to me and are supposed to love me, are the ones who have the power to hurt me the worse. I feel like the world is closing in on me and I don't know how to stop it. So with all of that being said....where do I go from here? Acts 16:31 - So they said, "Belive on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household."

This house is not my home. My home is wherever my family is...so what do we do? Do we try to save the house, do we do a short sale, let it foreclose? I love our house....but I wonder if it is worth fighting for. I wonder and I worry.....Why can't I let it go? Why can't I give this worry and fear to God the way the Bible tells me to? Why do I want to just curl up in a ball and go to sleep? Why do I have so many questions, when I used to feel like I had all of the answers??

Stress..not the mind, but the body??

I haven't been feeling particuliarly well lately. I have been quite nauseous, not feeling like drinking water, usually picking Ginger Ale as it seems to settle by stomach. I have gained weight since April...a lot of weight and I know that has some to do with it. I don't feel stressed. My mind doesn't keep me up at night, I don't feel worried, I feel peace at what is happening, rather we stay or go...so why di I feel so bad. The nauseousness, the aches and pains in my bones, the fact that my "friend" hasn't arrived yet. I just don't feel good and I am beginning to wonder if my body hasn't caught on to the fact that I am not feeling stressed. Is it possible, I wonder, that your body is reacting to stress, but not your brain?? I guess if it keeps up, I will go see the doctor, but for now, I guess I will just ride it out.

I was just saying the other day how much I NEED to read the daily blog life of several woman, but this past week, I have read a bunch of negative stuff about one person. I wish I hadn't. I don't know why anybody needs to be so discouraging to others. I don't know why I read it. I am beginning to think I need to step back from the blog world and focus on myself. Thinking it and doing it are two different things. We are supposed to be positive role models for each other, we are supposed to live to bring people to Jesus. It seems everywhere I turn, people are acting and judge and jury and believe they know who will make it to Heaven and who won't. I know the only person who knows is God, shouldn't other people know that too??

Our loan modification paperwork has been received and they are in the process of reviewing it. I want to list the house on the market too though because if they deny us, I want to be able to do a short sale and not have to rely on a foreclosure....but whatever happens with it al, I will be OK. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

James, Randall, and I will be going to AWANA Basic Training this weekend. Jeremy and JC will be going to a scrimmage for Football. I can't believe I am actually starting to like watching their practices. I am glad Jeremy is playing in some aspects and others I wish we would have waited until he was a little older. I won't let him quit and some may think I am mean, but we allowed the boys to quit when they were younger and now they think they can quit whenever something isn't working for them. I don't want to let Jeremy feel the same way. Our Fall classes at church are starting in a week or two, I am very excited to be enrolling in 2, including the Boundaries class offered. I really think this will be useful for me.

I have to get back to work, just had a few things on my mind and thought it would be a good idea to get them down now since I seem to have a problem remembering what is on my mind!

Cute picture of Krissie!

We've been busy....and I have pictures to prove it!

Since April, we have been very busy, so I have included

a few shots of what we have been up to...

We went to a Wine Family Reunion (Sarah, Becca, & Jeremy)

Jeremy played Baseball and turned 6!!

Jeremy graduated from Kindergarten

(and the boys move up to 7th grade, but its not cool to get pics in middle school)

We went to my mom's/sister's house and the beach for my 33rd birthday

We had lots of family down for the summer

(Unfortunately, this will probably be the last picture we get of Alayna

and Bella, but that is a whole other post)

I made my very first quilt....and I am very excited!

Earvin turned 16 (WOW) and I took pics of all the kiddos for a project

I have planned for Christmas

Kassie spent the week with us and we went to the zoo

(Robbie and Jack stayed some time with us too)

James and Randall turned 12...going on 25 {sigh}

And our baby.....STARTED FOOTBALL!!!

I did say football...you know, pads, helmets, tackling...the whole 9 yards...

or in this case, I guess 100 yards...HAHA

Facing the Giants

WOW - it has been so long again. I thought I would be better this year at blogging, but I found I am not so good. So much has been on my mind this year, and I am trying to deal with it. We have been super busy and I am only 2 1/2 quarters away from finally getting my degree.

I moved to Facebook from Myspace and I like it a lot better now. I don't share my thoughts/feelings like I would here, but I have reconnected with several old friends and have met many new friends through my wonderful church family. I love them all!

I am, dare I say, OBSESSED with reading Blogs here on Blogger. I follow several families who have gone through adoption and I love seeing the memories they are making for these children. I follow families who have lost their babies, or nearly lost their baby, and I am in awe of a young woman who has moved to another country to care for 13 children....all in the name of God! I don't know how or why I have been led to these posts, but I do know, I can sit here for hours and read and cry for people I only know through the grace of God. I try to break myself of the habit of checking it every day, but each day I find myself back there waiting for an update. Holding my breath waiting to make sure they are okay. I can only believe there is a reason for my manic obsession with following these lives....I think God is preparing me, preparing my heart for change????

JC has been out of work now since May and we have been making it but have wiped out our savings now. Now I feel I have reached panic mode. We have gone to see one of the free government counselors to try to save our home, but I fear it won't work in our favor. We have resigned ourselves that we may lose the house....and I am OKAY with that. We won't take this home with us to Heaven, so in the long scheme of things, it doesn't matter....but my brain doesn't listen to my rationalisations most of the time....and my heart aches to think we will have to leave this house that we have worked so hard to keep...then I think why should we keep fighting?? We are in over our heads....lets get out of it, start fresh...start brand new with just a rent payment. Rent would save us about $1400 a month....and when I see those numbers, I feel a sigh of relief....I have been confused and scared and worried for nothing, because God knows what is going to happen. He knows what will happen and when it will happen. His timing is correct, not mine! I did find it ironic that I opened a magazine tonight to an article about living in a smaller space. YES, we will have to sell/give away alot of our stuff. YES, we will have probably 1/2 the space we have now. YES, we will have to get accustomed to a smaller living space. YES, we can do it! WE WILL BE OKAY!

We watched Facing the Giants tonight and it was JUST what I needed to hear. I am facing the biggest giants I have ever faced right now, but I am going to 'plant the field and get ready for the rain'. I am going to keep working hard and whatever happens, I will know we did it for the glory of God. And if we win and stay here, I will praise Him. And if we lose and have to move, I will praise Him. Either way....it seems like a win/win situation for me!

I've heard this song many times (its from the Casting Crowns), but hearing it after watching Facing the Giants tonight, really made me think about the words in a whole new perspective. Will you take a minute and read them?? If you are having any fears or worries right now, put into God's hands...I want THE KIND OF FAITH IT TAKES TO CLIMB OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE INTO THE UNKNOWN AND CHOOSE TO LISTEN TO THE VOICE OF TRUTH!

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
On to the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand
But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me Time and time again,
"Boy, You'll never win!" "You'll never win!"
But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe The Voice of Truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me Time and time again,
"Boy, You'll never win!" "You'll never win!"
But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe
The Voice of Truth But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me
But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me(calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe(I will choose to listen and believe)
I will choose to listen and believe The Voice of Truth
I will listen and believe I will listen and believe The Voice of Truth
I will listen and believe Cause Jesus you are the Voice of Truth
And I will listen to you you are

I am struggling.........

I have been struggling for about a week now. A week ago "a friend" told me she had signed up to be ordained as a minister online in about 5 minutes. No education, no belief in God, nothing. I was appalled, what kind of place would allow this? I looked it up and I see why they do it...they don't have beliefs, they simply believe all people should be able to minister rather they are pagan, wiccan, or anything. WOW.

The next morning, she told me she had been saved during the night. That she asked for it and she received it. I was thrilled...I have been talking to her about Jesus for a long time and she always questioned everything....so I was thrilled...and asked her when she would be giving up the "cult" ministry ordination. She informed me that she wouldn't that she felt it would help her at some point in the future, that it could be used for good. I told her there was no way good could come out of being a minister in that manner....

She is asking me questions, and I am giving her information from the Bible. If I don't know something, I go to trusted people in my church and at my job to get the answer and where it can be found in the Bible...and I give it to her....only to have her turn around to her brother in law, who completely twists the scripture into crazy interpretations. I feel that I am being pulled into their web of lies and deceit and I finally have asked her to stop talking to me about it, asking me questions. I don't want to lose my sould because I am a part of this madness. I feel bad that I did this, but I feel good for me. I want to help people, but I need to help me! I want to help her, but I have to protect me! Usually I am not so selfish and only talking/caring about ME ME ME...however, this isn't normal everyday stuff....this is my eternal life we are talking about. On Friday I fell horrible, today I feel much better, but I am still struggling, wondering if I only knew more about the God's word if I could have helped her and not have given up on her.

I. AM. STRUGGLING. but I am looking towards Heaven!

I Am a 'Kept ' Woman?

I Am a 'Kept ' Woman?

You see, there were a few times when I thought I would lose my mind, But GOD kept me sane. (Isa. 26:3)

There were times when I thought I could go no longer, But the LORD kept me moving. (Gen 28:15)

At times, I've wanted to lash out at those whom I felt had done me wrong, But the LORD kept my mouth shut.. (Psa. 13)

Sometimes, I think the money just isn't enough, But GOD has helped me to keep the lights on, the water on, the car paid, the house paid, etc.., (Matt. 6:25 -34)

When I thought I would fall, HE kept me up. When I thought I was weak, HE kept me strong! (I Pet. 5:7, Matt. 11:28-30)

I could go on and on and on, but I'm sure you hear me! I'm blessed to be 'kept ' Do you know a 'kept ' woman? If so pass it on to her to let her know she is 'Kept ' I'm "Kept" by the Love and Grace of God

The U in Jesus

THE U IN JESUS Before U were thought of or time had begun, God stuck U in the name of His Son. And each time U pray, you'll see it's true, You can't spell out JesUs and not include U. You're a pretty big part of His wonderful name, For U, He was born; that's why He came. And His great love for U is the reason He died. It even takes U to spell crUcified. Isn't it thrilling and splendidly grand He rose from the dead, with U in His plan? The stones split away, the gold trUmpet blew, and this word resUrrection is spelled with a U. When JesUs left earth at His upward ascension, He felt there was one thing He just had to mention. 'Go into the world and tell them it's true That I love them all - Just like I love U.' So many great people are spelled with a U, Don't they have a right to know JesUs too? It all depends now on what U will do, He'd like them to know, But it all starts with U. Will YOU pass it on. When Jesus died on the cross he was thinking of you!

Rules for God for 2009

Rules for God for 2009

1. Wake Up!! Decide to have a good day. "Today is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it" Psalms 118:24

2. Dress Up!! The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance; but the Lord looks at the heart." I Samuel 16:7

3. Shut Up!! Say nice things and learn to listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth, so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking. "He who guards his lips guards his soul." Proverbs 13:3

4. Stand Up!!... For what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything.. "Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good..." Galatians 6:9-10

5. Look Up!!... To the Lord. "I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

6. Reach Up!!... For something higher. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, And He will direct your path." Proverbs 3:5-6

7. Lift Up!!... Your Prayers. "Do not worry about anything; Instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING." Philippians 4:6

TO MY SISTERS IN THE LORD.....

TO MY SISTERS IN THE LORD.....

There comes a time in every woman's life when she has to take a close look at herself. Not at her circumstance, not at what she did, not how unfair life is, or not at whom made you do it. She has to just look at herself in all her glory and imperfection.
Have you ever admired a woman who has been through changes in her life? Or have you made up in your mind that she is just messed up. Before you make this mistake, take a closer look. A woman who has endured the most unusual life is someoneof wisdom, someone who has been chosen by God to go through things that have made her stronger! . Think of all the great women in the Bible: MaryMagdalene, Ruth and Naomi, the woman with an issue of blood flow, andEsther, to name a few. Mary was a prostitute, a very uneasy woman. But by the time Jesus was done with her, she was His closest follower. Esther was unfortunate in marrying an abusive man, but by the time God was done with her, she had married one of the wealthiest men in the land. Women are so quick to beat the next one down instead of trying to hold her up. Before you wonder, "What's up with her?" ask yourself,"What's up with me?"That woman could be my mother, sister, aunt, in-law, stepmother, niece, grandmother, great-grandmother, neighbor, friend, or co-worker, etc. That woman could be me. Women are the carriers of life, not the channels of death. Let's build and encourage each other, as did Ruth and Naomi. Pass this to all the women in your life. Encourage and Love, Forgive and Forget, and trust that the woman that receives this will be touched in some way.
I Love you all!

A few New Pictures from 2009

JEREMY SHOWING OFF HIS 100 DAY OF SCHOOL CRAFTS

JAMES AND RANDALL AT BIBLE QUIZZING

JEREMY PLAYING BASKETBALL

JC AND I HAVE FINALLY COMPLETED BABY STEP 1 (YAY)

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT SNOWED! SO PRETTY!

A little bit of reflecting

I love Blogger! I love the people I am meeting and following! I love God for bringing me to this place! I have Myspace and Facebook, but it's not the same as the Blogger Family I have joined. On Myspace, there is some pretty BAD stuff going on. People discuss their "bad" relationships just as much as the good, if not more. But I keep it because I want to monitor who my kids talk to and what they are saying and doing. On Facebook, I just started using it more because practically half of my church is on there. I see it as a place to just keep in touch.

But Blogger...I get consumed. I have MANY blogs saved as Favorites and every morning, I sit down and go down the list. There was a time when I was just reading one and if they didn't make an update, I would be sad, especially if it last for more than a day or two...but now there are so many, that one or two days is not so bad. I am learning so much about God's love, kindness, patience, and sovereignty. This must be the reason I have been called to read these blogs, because I don't fit in with any of the groups. I haven't adopted a child, or had a sick baby, or lost a child, but I feel connected in some way to all of them. Most days, I cry for a baby who has been lost, or a set back while in the hospital, or in happiness when good news comes back. I cry! I don't know any of these wonderful people in the flesh, but I know their hearts and isn't that all that really matters anyway?

The reflecting part comes in when a baby passes away. These parents are so strong and so steadfast in their faith of Jesus Christ. They may question WHY ME every now and then but it doesn't consume them, they know that there is a plan for everything and that one day they will meet up with their baby again....and I know this true....BUT....I'm not sure how strong my faith is. I've never been in that situation and I pray I don't have to be, but I also pray that if I do have to go through something that I wouldn't lose my faith. Maybe that is why I keep coming back even when my heart breaks and I cry and cry and cry, and don't have anybody to call and talk me through it. Nobody would understand! Nobody would care! EXCEPT GOD! He does care and He understands, and I want to talk to Him and hear from Him and know Him more each day. And I want to know what He wants me to do for Him in my lifetime. How can I affect so many and bring people to Him like Blogger is doing? There is a movement going on and Satan can't stop it! There are people out there who are doing everything in their power to get the good news of Jesus Christ into every home, even if it means bearing their very sould over their hurts and losses. I want to have a meaning, a purpose, a reason! I want to do something and I don't know what. So for now, I will pray. I will pray that I can realize my potential and won't be scared to go for it! And I will keep going back to each and every post day in and day out, even when it hurts, because each hurt they go through, I learn something. Each day I learn about God's love, kindness, patience, and sovereignty.

With all of that being said, I have deleted one of my blogs and created a new one. The one I deleted was titled "Letters to my Parents...the Road to Forgiveness". I started that blog a few months ago as a way to tell my parents how they hurt me (without actually telling them to their face), and also as a way to try to put the past in the past and move on with my future. I left it private because the facts that I mentioned are not known to anybody else and could effect many lives. I don't want that and so it was just for me! To rant, to rave! But I wrote several posts and it didn't truly make me feel better. I haven't opened it up in more than 2 or 3 months and even today when I deleted it, I just deleted it. I didn't want to read them and remember all over again. I just wanted it to be gone. And so it is! It is gone!

The new one I created, is something I saw on another Blogger and I thought it would be fun and actually push me to get on here more often. It is Project 365, where I will take and upload one picture everyday for one year. Starting today, February 11th and ending next year on this same date! Can I do it? I don't know, but I want to try. I want to do this FOR ME. For now....I'm going to get moving, but I hope to post more often. I say this alot though, so I FORGIVE myself if I don't.

It's been awhile!!

Baby TJ, Earvin, Randall, Jack, Aulbrey, Madison, Jeremy, James, and Robbie in front of Kim's Christmas tree.

Cousin Chris, Randall, James, Uncle Johnny, and Jeremy when we went for a Christmas visit.

Cousin Billy, Randall, Granpa George (or as the boys say, Grandpa with Cuddles), Jeremy, and James on Grandpa's sofa over Christmas break. If you are reading this, please pray for JC's dad. He has a bad heart, and JC is really thinking this visit might be his last to see him. I pray that it wasn't, but only God knows!

By the time I got it in gear to go and buy a Gingerbread House from the store, they were sold out. SOLD OUT??? How does that happen? The week before, they had ALOT. Anyway, we found this gingerbread TREE at AC Moore and got that, so it was OK.

Just an odd shot of Jeremy going out to play football with his brothers. It was very cold that day (NOT LIKE IT IS TODAY), but Jeremy came in and asked if he could wear my scarf...I couldn't help snapping a shot of him...can you say first girlfriend blackmail picture?? LOL J/K

I seem to go in spurts these days. I wish I could be more like the women who write their blogs pretty much everyday, I guess I just feel my life isn't that interesting. We seem to always be on the go...take for instance today. My oldest two will be in school until 3:30 and from 3:30 to 4:30, they attend a bible study at the school (I was very shocked and PLEASED when this offer came home), my husband will pick them up at 4:30 on his way home from work. When I get off at 5:30, I will make dinner, then they will go to their basketball practice from 7 to 8. From there I will take them straight to the church so they can attend an all-nighter (where it is rumored there will be no sleep). I will have to be at the church tomorrow at 6am to pick them up. I will bring them back so they can sleep for awhile and then take my youngest to his game at 8:45 (we have to be there at 8:15). After that, I will need to grab a few groceries, then the boys have their game at 4pm (will have to be there at 3:30). SUNDAY, JC and I are greeters at church, so we will have to be there for the early service and the beginning of the late service at least (last time we stayed for both, but we will see). After we get home and get some lunch, the two oldest boys have to be back at the church at 1:30 for the AWANA games practice which lasts until 3:30, and then they have AWANA quizzing practice from 3:30 to 5:30. They will go straight from that practice to their Collision meeting in the main church which lasts until 7. At 6, Jeremy has to be at choir practice at the church and JC and I have a class. By 7 we should all be home. Thankfully, the boys are out of school on Monday and only go Tuesday for a full day and Wednesday for a half day, then they are off again Thursday and Friday, so hopefully, they will be able to get a little rest next week. It sounds like an awful lot, but they seem to be having so much fun and they are letting Jesus into their hearts more each day, so I don't want to stop them. The basketball association they are a part of this year is Christ based through another church here in town. It was free, which was why I chose it, but I love the fact that they start each game with the two teams standing in a circle holding hands and praying. Each practice is also stopped about half way through and a prayer is said.

I often wonder how it is that we landed here when we moved from Northern Virginia. I don't think it was a mistake. I believe that this is the plan that Jesus has laid out for us. We are where we need to be, so we can become who we need to be! We are children of God and we are so very blessed to have a wonderful church family to guide our paths.

JC and I have reserved a hotel for 2 nights in the Smoky Mountains in March. For the first time, we are going to have a little bit of a honeymoon. No kids! Just the two of us. March 16th is our anniversary and my mom is coming to take care of the kids for us. I am very excited and nervous all at the same time. We actually took a walk by ourselves last night and left the boys here playing play station. We don't do that very often and it actually felt nice. We walked at our pace, not theirs, and we were able to talk about our day to each other with no interruptions.

I am going to try to change my profile name, not sure if I will be able to, but thought it would be the best idea for security. I originally made this blog for a class back in 2005 or 2006 I think. I never thought it would lead me to find so many wonderful people who are sharing their lives with the world, making us a stronger united group of Christians....

I have attached a few pictures of stuff that has been going on since I last wrote. (see above)

The Resume of Jesus Christ

The Resume of Jesus ChristAddress: Ephesians 1:20 Phone: Romans 10:13Website: The Bible. Keywords: Christ, Lord, Savior and J esus
Hello. My name is Jesus -The Christ. Many call me Lord! I've sent you my resume because I'm seeking the top management position in your heart. Please consider my accomplishments as set forth in my resume. Qualifications · I founded the earth and established the heavens, (See Proverbs 3:19) · I formed man from the dust of the ground, (See Genesis 2:7) · I breathed into man the breath of life, (See Genesis 2:7) · I redeemed man from the curse of the law, (See Galatians 3:13) · The blessings of the Abrahamic Covenant comes upon your life through me, (See Galatians 3:14) Occupational Background · I've only had one employer, (See Luke 2:49). · I've never been tardy, absent, disobedient, slothful or disrespectful. · My employer has nothing but rave reviews for me, (See Matthew 3:15-17) Skills Work Experiences · Some of my skills and work experiences include: empowering the poor to be poor no more, healing the brokenhearted, setting the captives free, healing the sick, restoring sight to the blind and setting at liberty them that are bruised, (See Luke 4:18). · I am a Wonderful Counselor, (See Isaiah 9:6). People who listen to me shall dwell safely and shall not fear evil, (See Proverbs 1:33). · Most importantly, I have the authority, ability and power to cleanse you of your sins, (See I John 1:7-9) Educational Background · I encompass the entire breadth and length of knowledge, wisdom and understanding, (See Proverbs 2:6). · In me are hid all of the treasures of wisdom and knowledge, (See Colossians 2:3). · My Word is so powerful; it has been described as being a lamp unto your feet and a light unto your path, (See Psalms 119:105). · I can even tell you all of the secrets of your heart, (See Psalms 44:21). Major Accomplishments · I was an active participant in the greatest Summit Meeting of all times, (See Genesis 1:26). · I laid down my life so that you may live, (See II Corinthians 5:15). · I defeated the archenemy of God and mankind and made a show of them openly, (See Colossians 2:15). · I've miraculously fed the poor, healed the sick and raised the dead! · There are many more major accomplishments, too many to mention here. You can read them on my website, which is located at: www dot - the BIBLE. You don't need an Internet connection or computer to access my website. References · Believers and followers worldwide will testify to my divine healings, salvation, deliverance, miracles, restoration and supernatural guidance In SummationNow that you've read=2 0my resume, I'm confident that I'm the only candidate uniquely qualified to fill this vital position in your heart. In summation, I will properly direct your paths, (See Proverbs 3:5-6), and lead you into everlasting life, (See John 6:47). When can I start? Time is of the essence, (See Hebrews 3:15). Send this resume to everyone you know, you never know who may have an opening! Thanks for your help and may God bless you!

Why Jesus is better than Santa!

Santa lives at the North Pole ... JESUS is everywhere.
Santa rides in a sleigh ... JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water.
Santa comes but once a year ... JESUS is an ever present help.
Santa fills your stockings with goodies ... JESUS supplies all your needs.
Santa comes down your chimney uninvited ... JESUS stands at your door and knocks, and then enters your heart when invited.
You have to wait in line to see Santa ... JESUS is as close as the mention of His name.
Santa lets you sit on his lap ... JESUS lets you rest in His arms.
Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is "Hi little boy or girl, what's your name?" ...JESUS knew our name before we were born...Not only does He know our name,He knows our address too.He knows our history and future and He even knows how many hairs are on our heads.
Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly ...JESUS has a heart full of love
All Santa can offer is HO HO HO ...JESUS offers health, help and hope.
Santa says "You better not cry" ...JESUS says "Cast all your cares on me for I care for you." Santa's little helpers make toys ...JESUS makes new life, mends wounded hearts,repairs broken homes and builds mansions.
Santa may make you chuckle but ...JESUS gives you joy that is your strength.
While Santa puts gifts under your tree ...JESUS became our gift and died on a tree....The cross.

Put Christ Back In Christmas...Jesus Is Still The Reason For The Season!

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16

2 pairs of shoes for $5.00

OK - I hope I got your attention with my subject. I hope you opened this blog and read it all! I hope you can help this wonderful cause. I found this information on one of the blogs I follow, and I thought it was a great idea!

Has anybody been outside barefoot lately. I can tell you....it hurts. It is so cold, it feels like walking on razor blades. Can you imagine NEVER having a pair of shoes to wear? There are so many children in need of shoes and the link below will allow you buy 2 pairs for $5. I know we are all struggling right now financially, but I am sure we can all look under sofa cushions, in our piggy banks, and in our car and come up with $5. And it would be for such a great cause! Please consider doing this in the name of Jesus Christ. Let this small deed be lifted up! You will be a better person for it!

http://www.50000shoes.com/

If you want to respond to me and let me know if you did this and how many shoes you provided to needy children, please reply either by email or comment and I will keep track and let everybody know.

Have a safe and happy week!

Thankful Thursday!

I've never done this before....but I thought I would give it a shot today.

I am thankful for the sunshine and warmth today after two VERY cold days.
I am thankful for being given the opportunity to take care of 3 of God's precious children...yes I know they are His...I may claim them as mine, but I know He has just loaned them to me!
I am thankful for our church that is playing such a big role in this community in bringing more and more people to Jesus Christ.
I am thankful that the church has grabbed ahold of my husband and is turning his life around, only in God's name.
I am thankful that my kids are so excited about learning about Jesus
I am thankful for our jobs that allows us to get by (we may struggle every month), but atleast we have jobs, when so many people don't.
I am thankful for the very breath I breath, my eyes that see, my mouth that speaks, my ears that hear, my heart that loves.
I am thankful to have found so many wonderful blogging "friends" that have given me many hours of smiles, tears, and hope.
I am thankful that no matter what, God is in control. Today...I am just THANKFUL!

(Now on a side note, I had this on my TO DO list as a friend on Myspace did this the other day, and I thought it was a great way to share a smile):

10 Things that make me smile (in no particular order):

1. Listening to my children laughing
2. A hug from JC and the boys
3. Reading blogs from people who give me hope and leave me in awe of their love and devotion to God
4. The cat waking me up every morning by head butting me (he thinks I should wake up with the first ring of the alarm)
5. Being at the church (especially during the singing)
6. Seeing an elderly person
7. Helping somebody in need
8. Watching the puppy "prance" while walking with me on the leash
9. Snuggling in bed with JC and Jeremy (making a squashed Jeremy sandwich)
10. Listening to 91.9 Christian music with a touch of love

Hope you all have a Blessed Day!

Having God in my Life since forever and FEELING Him in It...what a difference??

I have known God since I was a baby. Probably not as CLOSE and PERSONAL as many, but I have always known Him, believed Him, and loved Him....sometimes I strayed away, but He was always there....YESTERDAY though, I truly believed He stood behind me in line at Wal-mart and orchestrated a moment in my life that showed me He is truly with me.

I had to get a few things that we were running short on so I went to Wal-Mart during my lunch hour. I had all ready been to get my allergy shot and stopped at a Habitat Store to look for a bunk bed, so I knew I only had a bit of time. I wasn't rushing, but I did have a time limit. I decided to go through the Self-CheckOut....not always the smartest decision since they usually don't work and the lines weren't outrageously long....Normally I would have just hit the normal cashiers, so I wasn't sure why I chose this lane....but I did! So I ring up all of my stuff, run my debit card, sign the signature pad, and start waiting for my receipt. Nothing happened (on the receipt tape anyway)....on the computer screen it said there was an error and it was going to shut down. I called the girl over and she started pushing buttons....which I don't think she had any clue about. When that didn't work, she asked another cashier to call the CSM down, and since I used to work there, I knew her. It took her a few minutes for her to get there (and honestly by this point, I would have been irritated about having to wait)....but I never felt irritation the whole time I waited for her. I had a perfectly pleasant conversation with the cashier about my sister's baby and waited a little bit more. When the CSM got there she said to come with her as she would have to have them pull a receipt from the cash office. NO PROBLEM. I followed her and standing in line at Customer Service was Pastor Bubba's wife.....this is where the orchestrated plan comes in....

I have never met her, I have only seen her once. My husband has talked to Bubba on a few occasions and this man is truly a God-sent person who is helping my husband in so many ways. Bubba scares me at time when he preaches because he is very loud and very animated. He is a great pastor and JC adores him. About a week before the Wal-mart trip took place, I had overheard (can kind of say I was eavesdropping) on the class Bubba and his wife were leading and I heard her talking about her dad and her step sister and issues she had in the past. I cried as I listened because she spoke to my heart. She opened feelings that I had locked inside. She made me see that I am not the only person who is struggling. She made me want to know Jesus more! All of that in just a few short sentences overheard! And then I am in Wal-Mart and I just walked up to her and introduced myself (that is totally not me). I told her who I was and she knew from Bubba talking about JC. And we talked. Probably it 10 maybe 15 minutes, but I wasn't counting seconds. I wasn't caring if they ever came out of the cash office. She was talking to me about her issues that were also my issues....who else but God could have orchestrated that exact moment in time. Who else but God could have make a computer malfunction for no apparent reason (because they were able to print my receipt finally in the cash office). Who else but God....and as I walked to my car yesterday with my head held high and the biggest smile on my face in a LONG time, I knew that He was with me...I know He is always with me, but I really felt Him! How amazing!

A few pictures from Halloween and Jeremy's First Field Trip

James and Randall had decided they did NOT want to do Trick or Treating again....but this year since Jeremy wanted to go bad, we agreed to leave them home and take Jeremy. At the LAST minute both James and Randall decided they wanted to go...I mean the very last minute....so Randall took one of his daddy's suits and James worse his Camo pants and jacket and we called it a night....It turned out pretty good!

On November 6th, Jeremy and I went on his very FIRST bus ride and Field Trip. We had a lot of fun...I have an extreme appreciation for teachers now!!!

Pray 7x7

I ran across a blog just by chance yesterday....well I guess it was God's plan really. Nothing in our life is really by chance. This blog is the most honest, heartfelt, spiritual thing I have ever read. This family is amazing. I spent several hours yesterday reading their story and cried almost the whole time. Not only is she trying to deal with her pain, she is trying to help families all over the world who have experienced the loss of a child. I never knew that October 15th is National Day of Remembrance for pregnancy and infant loss. It's been about 13 years since I lost our first pregnancy. It was May of 1995. I had only been out of high school for almost a year. My husband and I weren't married and quite frankly we were going through a very rough patch and were barely even talking by the time I miscarried at 14 weeks. I found out at 12 weeks that the sac was empty. Nothing was growing in there and they said I would miscarry within 2 weeks. I don't know if it was because I didn't believe them or because I refuse to consider that possibility, but I refused to listen to them when they said I should be scheduled to have a D&C. To me that was abortion. I couldn't do it so I refused. It caused me much pain about 10 days later, but it felt better mentall to me. I have since had 3 beautiful children, but I still think about that baby. My husband helped me soothe me when he said he felt that God had given us our baby back when he blessed us with twins in 1997. The only problem I have is wondering....because I want to believe that I will meet that baby in Heaven one day, but since nothing was growing inside of me, I wonder......I guess all I can continue to do is look up towards Heaven and find out when I get there!

Anyway, I got way off track with my thoughts there....this blog is a place I want to go to everyday. I feel blessed to be able to share their life with them and to get some helpful hints on how to live in faith the way this family does. Like the Praying for your children 7 times every day for 7 days. Check out this button below.



I hope you all have a great weekend!
Bobbie

Wordless Wednesday

I've been Tagged...and I don't know what to do...but here goes!

Well, I don't know many people on Blogger (if you go to my Myspace page - I know a bunch), so I have never done this before, but I'd like to get to know some people more, so it looks like fun. Let's see what I can come up with:


7 Random/Weird facts about me (most of these are just random - I don't think I have very many WEIRD facts):


1. I started playing softball when I was 5 and played through my senior year of highschool

2. I love Brussel Sprouts (that's weird isn't it - LOL?)

3. I also love to write. In Middle school I started writing poems in English class and never stopped until I graduated. Most of my poems were about heartbreak and after I met my husband when I was 18, I couldn't seem to write anymore...hopefully that is a good thing! Eventually I would like to write a children's book.

4. I love family and family gatherings. In 2008, I planned 2 family reunions (1 on my dad's side and 1 on my mom's side - 1 in VA and 1 in FL) and a cousin's gathering. These gatherings started the year my Grandma died because we got tired of only seeing each other at funerals and they are alot of fun.

5. I am currently working full time from home, full time as a mom, and taking classes online part time to get my Bachelors in Business Administration.

6. In my spare time (if I have any) I like to work on Scrapbooking and genealogy (both of which I am way far behind on)

7. I believe I belong to the greatest church in NC or in the whole U.S.A. The people there love Jesus and love people. I love it because I love Jesus and I love people too. It's a great fit.


The people I am going to tag are: (and like I said I don't really know many people on here, so I hope you are all OK with me doing this and I think it says you can do it if you have time, and i know a bunch of you are busy, so please don't feel compelled to tag somebody else if you are).

Emily at The Wate for Kate
Lisa at One Home Many Hearts
Momofone more at Mom of One More
3peanuts at 3 Peanuts
Nate at CF Husband
Tina at Journey to Zach and Luke
Kristi at Fireworks and Fireflies


I hope I have done this right and I hope everybody has a great day!

Cell phone vs. The Bible

I usually get anywhere from 20 to 2000 emails on any given day between the 3 email addresses I use....my personal, my work, and the one I use when joining stuff online.....For the most part, most of them are tossed without ever opening. Some are looked at and tossed because although I might get a laugh at it, I don't want to spread it any further....but every so often I get some that really touch my heart. The poem I posted a couple days ago was one....and here is another...this is so true!!!

Ever wonder what would happen if we treated our
Bible like we treated our cell phone?
What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?
What if we flipped through it several time a day?
What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?
What if we used it to receive messages from the text?
What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?
What if we gave it to kids as gifts?
What if we used it when we traveled?
What if we used it in case of emergency?
This is something to make you go....hmm...where is my Bible?
Oh, and one more thing.
Unlike our cell phone, we don't have to worry about our Bible
being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill.
And no dropped calls!
Makes you stop and think 'where are my priorities?

Trust in the Lord and *ASAP (Always Say A Prayer)
Have a blessed and wonderful day!

A Few Updates

On Thursday night, JC's birthday, we went to Lynn and Kenny's house for his birthday dinner. We had told them we would be going out to On The Border, but they wanted to save us money, so we went there instead and she made tacos and chili and TWO cakes...WOW. We have met some awesome, awesome people from our church. Here are a few pics of that night. We had a lot of fun playing Guesstures...LOL


JC in the van on the way to Lynne and Kenny's house

The other team during Guesstures...they beat us bad! LOL

The kids eating at the dinner table.

We had a really good time and on Friday afternoon JC left to go to the Men's Retreat. The boys and I went over to Jessica's house and while they played and watched the Hulk, Jessica and I scrapbooked and watched 27 Dresses. It was cute. I didn't get much done scrapbook wise...but it was fun just the same. On Saturday morning, the boys and I cleaned the house and then we all went to see High School Musical 3. The theatre was packed. I read online yesterday that sales for the movie topped 42 million...WOW. Good thing we had gift cards...LOL. The boys were very happy to see that JC was home when we got back. Yesterday the boys played outside after church while I did Homework....thats about it.

Fourteen Years ago yesterday......

Yesterday was JC's 37th birthday. It is hard to believe that it was 14 years ago (on his birthday) that I met him. We were both different people back then. I'm positive God knew what He was doing when he brought us together. Michaela introduced me to him and he was going through his "thug" stage in life. Baggy pants and sweatshirt, hat pulled down over his eyes, smoking, drinking. Not exactly the type of person I usually fell for.....

But it was just 4 months after a breakup with my on again/off again high school sweetheart. I had dated my ex, for my entire high school career. Even after he degraded me with his words and actions. Even after I knew he had cheated on me several times. Even after I found this wonderful guy who liked me and I turned away from him because Jason wanted me back. Even after all of that, when I met JC, I was still in love with Jason, but I was trying to prove to myself and the world that I was over him. I am not the type of person who falls in and out of love. That just isn't me. I made a few mistakes over those few short months. I don't regret them, because all of my life experiences have brought me to this place I am today. They made me into who I have become. My love for JC wasn't immediate, it wasn't love at first sight, and that first year was the hardest I had ever been through. JC had so many issues from his childhood that haunted him with every breath he breathed. I knew God, I have always known God since I was a little girl (and I am so thankful that I was taught something useful as a child), but those years after my parents divorce in 1980 and when I got married in 1997 was definitely not used to promote God or Jesus, or in some cases even acknowledge His existence. But looking back, I know He was with us. He helped me break through JC's walls of resistance. He helped us build a home together, and gave us three healthy, beautiful children. He knew that 14 years ago yesterday, a new life had begun in both of us.

Today, we look back at where we were and where we are headed. We are true children of God. We aren't perfect....but we are trying so hard to please Him. We found the MOST AWESOME church with people who care about God's children. People who care enough to make a difference in so many lives and who choose to praise God and spread the good word of His son. That is a great feeling....knowing that finally our choices are going to be a blessing for our children and not a hinderance. Finding this church and the love of it's people has been THE very most important thing that has happened in my life.

So JC is 37 today....it's hard to believe that 14 years ago on his 23rd birthday, we took him to Chuck E Cheese. LOL....but really, it's not hard to believe....because God had this planned even before I was created. NOW....THAT IS AWESOME!

Here is a Christian poem that I thought fits me perfectly:

BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN SISTER
By Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian'I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''I'm whispering 'I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven.
'When I say... 'I am a ChristianI don't speak of this with pride.I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... 'I am a Christian'I'm not trying to be strong.I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.
When I say... 'I am a Christian'I'm not bragging of success.I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.
When I say... 'I am a Christian'I'm not claiming to be perfect,My flaws are far too visible but,God believes I am worth it.
When I say... 'I am a Christian'I still feel the sting of pain...I have my share of heartaches,so I call upon His name.
When I say... 'I am a Christian'I'm not holier than thou,I'm just a simple sinnerWho received God's good grace, somehow!

Pretty is as Pretty does... But beautiful is just plain beautiful!

Emotional Roller Coaster these days.....

That's what my life feels like. I go from happy to sad, to scared, to worried, back to peaceful, and then angry. So much is happening and as overwhelming it is to me, I love it! I love that the boys have this fire to know Jesus. I love that they are excited about being a Christian. I love that they want to spend time in fellowship with other people. Its great. I wouldn't trade it for anything. So what is my problem....well I will just talk about a FEW of them.

Sadness....my boys are growing up. Today I let Jeremy walk down the hill to school by himself. YES, I stood there the whole time and watched and waved everytime he turned around. He is so smart and comes home everyday having learned something new. I am so proud of him and yet I don't want to let him go. How selfish of me! How selfish to think I can hold back a child that God has only given me on loan. He is Jeremy's maker and I know He wouldn't want him to be held back. So I have a pity party for myself and then feel bad because I don't think God would want me to act that way, which makes me even more sad....it's a vicious cycle. As far as the older two boys, I feel like I don't know what is going on with them anymore. Being in middle school they have so many teachers and so much happening, and I get a few tidbits out of them each day, but it's so much different from Elementary School and I miss them. They are gone so many hours of each day. And this weekend they will be camping, but I love the fact that they want me to come pick them up early from camp on Sunday morning so they won't miss going to church with us. They have a chapel service at the camp before they head home...but they want to go with us...>WOW>

Happiness...a new found friend/leader in my Financial Peace class giving me a gift card to the movies simply because she knew I am going to take the boys next weekend while JC is on the men's retreat and because her husband doesn't like going to the movies, she thought I would be the perfect person to use it. How awesome is that. It's weird for me to accept gifts from people, because I am so used to being the one who is giving. So to be on the receiving end this year is hard for me, but so glorious at the same time. Two weeks ago an anonymoys person at the church gave us a $200 giftcard to Walmart. WOW....this was one of those times when my heart was swelling with gratitude and beating with pain because I just know there is somebody out there who needs it more than we do. I need to learn to take a blessing in only gratitude...I pray that the Lord grants me that luxury. *****another happiness***** and even more important is hearing the Children's pastor tell me that he wants both of my sons on the Bible quiz team as they both buzzed in and answered a bible verse question. How awesome....since this time last year they weren't even involved in any church at all. How far they have come...how far we have come as a family...Praise God!

Anger....a couple of small things....I'm angry that I have to see Politician ads everytime I turn the TV spewing nonsense that I don't want to hear. I'm angry that the media only reports on what they think will bring ratings. I am angry that people are trying to take away my freedom by censoring us and trying to remove God from everything...schools, courtrooms, money, our anthem. I'm angry that the woman down the street snubs her nose at the prospect of using the NEW crossing walk because it will take the kids getting used to. Who cares....as long as it is safer? I'm angry mostly right now because of my Professor in my Sociology class that I am taking right now. So angry and upset that I am considering calling my school to change professors. She has sent out an email to everybody saying we are to stop the discussion line, and i feel she is saying that not because it is detrimental to our class but because she doesn't agree with our points of view. I am angry that she tells us to stop, but then she posts on 2 separate occasions things that I don't agree with and that anger me. She said that Christianity is a sexist organization. She also said that we can't reach Democracy as long as women aren't allowed access or choice of getting birth control, abortions, etc. WHAT?? Isn't that her opinion? It certainly isn't mine. Why I let people get to me is beyond me....I am asking God now to show me clarity. I'm also angry at myself because I find myself continuously backsliding and cussing when I am upset/angry. I don't want to do it....it just pops out and then I feel so bad and dirty. It's kind of like eating....which is another anger at myself. I know I shouldn't eat the stuff I do, but I do it, then feel bad. What is that? I think this anger of my weight moves towards sadness as well...because I am watching the biggest loser and I just cry and cry and cry as this girl is working through her eating habits by realizing the hurt and anger and fear that she has carried around with her for the past 6 years since her parents' divorce. I see myself in her and wonder how I can continue to carry that pain 20 years later. Is it because I never worked through it? I wonder if all of my others symptoms would leave if I can just get rid of this feeling I have over my parent's divorce? I wonder...and I do nothing about it. That makes me angry - me not doing anything about it. Our pastor talked of forgiveness of others as a way to Jesus Christ. And I try and I thought it was long over...but it's not...I think I have just repressed it. I also wonder how we are supposed to forgive when the one person who has hurt me continues to hurt me daily?

OK - on to the next feeling (or should I say feelingS). Worry/Peaceful...how is it possible to be on the same subject? Well our financial problems are a huge concern for me. We are definitely spending way more than we are making and we are trying to correct the problem. We are taking Financial Peace University through our church and it honestly is bringing me peace. Not all the time like it should...I know if I give it up to the Lord AND LET IT GO, I would find that peace, but something in me, can't let it go. SO I worry...and when we take a small step forward I feel a little bit of peace. Like for instance 6 weeks ago when we started I had a Savings Account with only $25 in it (only to keep it open). Today, I have another Savings Account that has $240. It's not much, but it is a start and hopefully in the next two days or so, I will have another $35-$50 to add to it. I am still selling stuff on Craig's List and trying to get a dollar here and a dollar there to add to it. So there is some peace....I just have to keep that feeling.

I'm sure there are many more that I have forgotten...but I've got to get to work. I guess this could actually take all day...hummm...I know one day, there will be no more hurt and anger and fear. One day I will meet Jesus face to face...but until then....I want to try to lighten my load....that is my prayer for myself this week....the learn to lighten my load.

When You Thought I Wasn't Looking

When You Thought I Wasn't Looking
A message every adult should read because childrenare watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang myfirst painting on the refrigerator, and I immediatelywanted to paint another one.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed astray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kindto animals.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make myfavorite cake for me, and I learned that the littlethings can be the special things in life.
When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say aprayer, and I knew that there is a God I could alwaystalk to, and I learned to trust in Him.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make ameal and take it to a friend who was sick, and Ilearned that we all have to help take care of each other.When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give ofyour time and money to help people who had nothing,and I learned that those who have something shouldgive to those who don't.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take careof our house and everyone in it, and I learned we haveto take care of what we are given.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how youhandled your responsibilities, even when you didn'tfeel good, and I learned that I would have to beresponsible when I grow up.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears comefrom your eyes, and I learned that sometimes thingshurt, but it's all right to cry.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that youcared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.
When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most oflife's lessons that I need to know to be a good andproductive person when I grow up.
When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you andwanted to say, Thanks for all the things I saw whenyou thought I wasn't looking.'
I am sending this to all of the peopleI know who do so much for others,but think that no one ever sees.
Little Eyes See A Lot.
Each of us(parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, friend)influences the life of a child.
How will you touch the life of someone today?
Just by sending this to someone else,you will probably make them at leastthink about their influence on others.
Live simply.Love generously.Care deeply.Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.

Yard Sale, LifeChain, etc....

Well - things are getting busy again...but I am determined to keep up with this blog. Last week I sold the drum set and a box of CDs before the yard sale started and I had all ready made $105...after the yard sale, I had $220 towards my Emergency Fund. I took $20 out of this to give to the church, so when I opened my new Savings Account yesterday, I deposited $20. I have listed more stuff on Craig's List and hopefully today somebody is coming to pick up 2 series of movies for $20 each. We were blessed to get this much and I am thankful for having a start.


On Sunday, JC and the boys and I all participated in LifeChain which is a silent stand against abortion. It was a very moving experience for me. I have never done something like that before, but it felt good. We had a busy day as I worked in the nursery during first service, attended the 2nd service, left there around 12 and had to meet at 1:45 for LifeChain, then we got home around 3:30, the boys had to be back at the church for Collision at 5, Jeremy had choir at 6. I was pooped, but having a church family is so wonderful and I love being there and being involved.

Somebody from the church gave me a gift card to Wal-mart because they thought I could use it. I want to cry....it is the nicest thing to have people caring about you. My first thought was to help pay for groceries with it, then we thought, maybe we could save it to be able to get one or two small gifts for the boys for Christmas, but this morning we realized that we need to buy the bigger boys some clothes. They are growing out of everything. I still need to find a way to get new uniforms and their sashes for Boy Scouts, but I am not going to concern myself with that right now....we are just going to keep putting it in God's hands. He is so wonderful! We have been praying and asking for prayers for our situation...and He delivers!

I offered to help Jeremy's teacher with her Fall Festival basket which was Children's books. Here is the finished product. I think it turned out great.


Jeremy posing with his friend - Mr Punkin - we had to get some seeds for his October Calendar homework and he wanted to draw the face...which he did all by himself.

Here is one of Jeremy showing off his homework. I haven't taken any recent pics of James and Randall, but I will. They are growing so fast and they are so busy with Collision, Awana, and Boy Scouts and I sent in the paperwork for them to start Basketball...all 3 of them...WOW!

OK - so my lunch time is almost over....its back to work I go!