In July, I started working at the Food Lion corporate office through Bonney Staffing Agency. I am working with contracts and I actually enjoy the work. At 5pm, we walk out of the building and I am not on call, I don't have to think about the job again until 8am the next morning. It is different. In early August, I also started working part time at Michael's. I enjoy it as well. It isn't always easy, but I am making it work. I hope in the coming year that I can get a Full Time permanent job soon. I wait with bated breath.
I will be glad when this year is over. It has been a season of loss and tears. I thought 2017 was bad with losing Krissie, then Snickers, then Rick. I didn't think it could hurt much worse but I was wrong.
Hemi took a turn for the worse in late August/early September. I upped his steroids, kept getting his B12 but soon realized he wasn't going to get better this time. My heart was breaking but I was happy to be able to spend some extra time with him (that I didn't get with Krissie). I feared each morning when I woke up and when I got home from work, that he would be gone. I worried that me being gone all the time with work that his little heart was breaking because the first 10 years I had him I worked from home and was always there with him. He started laying on the stairs near the boys room. He stopped eating. He was barely drinking but I guess I thought or hoped he would rebound again. I was so thankful that I got the extra 9 months with him....but sadly on October 4th, after getting home and picking him up just to watch him get down and fall when he tried to walk, we decided to put him down. I thought it would be harder for me to make that decision....to go in and tell them to do it and then watch him take his last breath. When we got him there, they said his liver was failing....his ears and gums were jaundiced...he was slowly dying and that was more painful to think about then thinking about him not being with me. It was fast. I was surprised that I didn't cry more. I was shocked that it didn't seem that I mourned as much for him as I did for Krissie. I want to say it was because I had time to get used to it. I had time to love him and tell him how much he meant to me. I had time to say goodbye. I want to believe that is why I grieved differently for him because he was my world. He was my best friend and I miss him. Just this morning I called Simba by Hemi's name. I don't know why it is the end of December and I am just writing my goodbyes to him. I don't know if it is because I have been so busy trying to make ends meet....or if it's because I haven't been ready to say good-bye...or if by sitting here right now bawling, I am having to face the fact that he is truly gone and I won't ever see him again. I am in a rut....it feels like I am in limbo and I have a list of things to do (this being one of them) and I just don't do it. It is easier to do nothing. I don't know why or what cause me to procrastinate so much on doing this, but I couldn't let the year end without putting pen to paper, so to speak, to say good-bye to him.
So Hemi...I didn't forget you buddy. I think about you every day. I love you and miss you and I am so grateful for the 11 years you spent by my side. I am so grateful that your original owners gave you back and that we were there and got to take you home. I am so glad you and Krissie loved me unconditionally until you both took your last breaths. I am sorry I delayed so long in writing this. If there is truly a rainbow bridge, I hope you are with Snickers, Krissie, Grace, Scooter, and Skeeter and I hope I will get to see all of you again one day.
Each time I post, I say I will try to do better....so I will try but no promises. 2018 has gone by so fast. 2019 is just 2 days away and I am praying that I can turn my sadness into gladness, fear into hope, and love into help. Happy New Year!!
