Well....I'm going to blame my mood this weekend on "my monthly friend". It is easier to blame my tears on that than to accept the fact that I have cried a few times over MATERIAL posessions. I didn't think it would bother me that bad, but it did. Watching them tear apart first the trampoline, and then the dog kennel, then Jeremy's play set, and finally carry off our pool lounge chairs and table...was hard. Our backyard sits almost like it was the day we moved in. It bothered me. It made me sad. All the while, I am telling everyone and myself that they are just material posessions. They didn't make this house a home...we make it a home, and we will make our new place a home too.
I am praying fervently now for the Lord to be with us over the next month. I will need His strength...only his strength will do!
Monday, May 31, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Family Update
I have seriously thought about posting something several times over the past two months, but my emotions are going so wild, and I just never feel like doing it. I've been sad, depressed, happy, angry, nervous, scared, worried, but in the end, I shouldn't have gone through most of them. If I would have just sat it all on God's feet and kept living, I wouldn't have been so emotional. I know that he says to cast all our fears on Him, but it has taken me awhile. This experience is new to me.
What experience?? Well, we are about to walk away from the house we bought 4 years ago. We believed this house would be our home until the boys left for their own lives and we needed to downsize. There is alot about this house that we love. The backyard was always my "a little piece of Heaven here on earth". I loved listening to the birds, the lapping waters of our pool when it was on, sitting at our table rocking in one of the chairs that rocked with my eyes closed and just praising God for a beautiful day. We all loved the pool, JC probably the most, he doesn't like the heat at all and it was a place to chill out and chill off after a hard day at work. We tried to work with our mortgage company starting last August. JC had been out of work for 6 months and nothing promising looked to be coming up. We had gone through our savings, my bonus, our tax check, and the remainder of his money from selling his car and buying a pickup. It was all gone and we weren't sure how we were going to pay our bills. So we started the process. In September when we hadn't heard anything, we started looking for rental places, thinking they weren't going to be able to help us....then about a week before October started, we got the letters from both mortgage companies....The first put me on a trial period, where I paid a payment for 3 months. It was about $400 less than my original payment. The second cut my payment in half and it was legit right away, no trial payment needed (I think they saw the predictament they were in). So life went on, we stopped looking for rentals. We paid October, November, December payments on the trial...we heard nothing. We paid January and February and called....we still heard nothing. We paid March...I called again and escalated and told them I would make no more payments until we heard back from them with the papers. And I didn't. April 20th, I finally got through to somebody and he worked up the papers. He came back and the told me the papers were in the mail and what my payment would be. It was $150 more than the trial payments....and only $225 LESS than my original payment. With both mortgages, we would still be paying $1950 a month for house we couldn't even use the pool anymore because we couldn't afford to run the pump if we paid the mortgage. I asked him why it was different and he said they couldn't offer me the same interest rate as back in October...REALLY?? Whose fault is that? MINE??? Because you dragged your feet for 7 months?? I asked him what I should do and he told me "don't sign the papers"...so I didn't. I stopped making the payment on the 2nd mortgage, even though they went out of their way to help me....so here we are. Yesterday, I just put a down payment on a rental house. It's quite a bit smaller than what we have here, but we will survive. We are packing and getting rid of stuff that we don't love. We are selling everything that we put into this house...OUR HOUSE...because it isn't ours anymore. JC is very depressed. He feels this is his fault. I don't blame him. I think it is both of our faults for mismanaging money...but we have to move on. As I pack up, I seem to get more sad...but I don't want JC to know. I worry about him so I don't want to make him feel any worse. We will be fine as long as we are together. A house doesn't make the home, family makes the home.
We will be moving July 1st, after much thought, prayers, and searching all over, we decided to stay here in NC. Mainly because of the boys' braces but also because we have this great church family and I just can't imagine finding anything better than this family!
2010 has been the year of changes. I don't do well with changes. I'm trying to adjust. I've lost many dear friends and coworkers to layoffs. I've lost my house. I've lost a little bit of my heart....but I haven't lost Jesus. He is with me, and I know if I were to see only one set of footsteps, it isn't because He left me, but because He was carrying me through the tough parts.
WE WILL BE OKAY!
What experience?? Well, we are about to walk away from the house we bought 4 years ago. We believed this house would be our home until the boys left for their own lives and we needed to downsize. There is alot about this house that we love. The backyard was always my "a little piece of Heaven here on earth". I loved listening to the birds, the lapping waters of our pool when it was on, sitting at our table rocking in one of the chairs that rocked with my eyes closed and just praising God for a beautiful day. We all loved the pool, JC probably the most, he doesn't like the heat at all and it was a place to chill out and chill off after a hard day at work. We tried to work with our mortgage company starting last August. JC had been out of work for 6 months and nothing promising looked to be coming up. We had gone through our savings, my bonus, our tax check, and the remainder of his money from selling his car and buying a pickup. It was all gone and we weren't sure how we were going to pay our bills. So we started the process. In September when we hadn't heard anything, we started looking for rental places, thinking they weren't going to be able to help us....then about a week before October started, we got the letters from both mortgage companies....The first put me on a trial period, where I paid a payment for 3 months. It was about $400 less than my original payment. The second cut my payment in half and it was legit right away, no trial payment needed (I think they saw the predictament they were in). So life went on, we stopped looking for rentals. We paid October, November, December payments on the trial...we heard nothing. We paid January and February and called....we still heard nothing. We paid March...I called again and escalated and told them I would make no more payments until we heard back from them with the papers. And I didn't. April 20th, I finally got through to somebody and he worked up the papers. He came back and the told me the papers were in the mail and what my payment would be. It was $150 more than the trial payments....and only $225 LESS than my original payment. With both mortgages, we would still be paying $1950 a month for house we couldn't even use the pool anymore because we couldn't afford to run the pump if we paid the mortgage. I asked him why it was different and he said they couldn't offer me the same interest rate as back in October...REALLY?? Whose fault is that? MINE??? Because you dragged your feet for 7 months?? I asked him what I should do and he told me "don't sign the papers"...so I didn't. I stopped making the payment on the 2nd mortgage, even though they went out of their way to help me....so here we are. Yesterday, I just put a down payment on a rental house. It's quite a bit smaller than what we have here, but we will survive. We are packing and getting rid of stuff that we don't love. We are selling everything that we put into this house...OUR HOUSE...because it isn't ours anymore. JC is very depressed. He feels this is his fault. I don't blame him. I think it is both of our faults for mismanaging money...but we have to move on. As I pack up, I seem to get more sad...but I don't want JC to know. I worry about him so I don't want to make him feel any worse. We will be fine as long as we are together. A house doesn't make the home, family makes the home.
We will be moving July 1st, after much thought, prayers, and searching all over, we decided to stay here in NC. Mainly because of the boys' braces but also because we have this great church family and I just can't imagine finding anything better than this family!
2010 has been the year of changes. I don't do well with changes. I'm trying to adjust. I've lost many dear friends and coworkers to layoffs. I've lost my house. I've lost a little bit of my heart....but I haven't lost Jesus. He is with me, and I know if I were to see only one set of footsteps, it isn't because He left me, but because He was carrying me through the tough parts.
WE WILL BE OKAY!
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