Snickers is Gone

Yesterday morning I woke up and started my day like usual; went to the bathroom, scrolled through Facebook, got dressed, started to feed the guinea pigs, and found Snickers dead in his cage.  His death wasn't as big of a surprise to me as Krissie's was.  Hers came out of nowhere...but Snickers was 3 and had a swollen mammary gland (which I have read was probably cancerous). I have heard life expectancy for guinea pigs is between 3 and 5 years and he was a little more than 3.  But even with it not being much of a surprise, it still hurts.  I have regrets with the guinea pigs because they were just so content to be together in their cage.  They never seemed to enjoy time out of the cage, so we fed them, gave them oranges and peppers for vitamin C, cleaned their pan out once or twice a week, gave them water and just let them be.  I don't know how long he had been dead, I was dealing with some stuff Wednesday night and I didn't check on them, I just went to bed, and there he was Thursday morning.  Shadow was laying next to him when I found him and that breaks my heart to think his buddy died and he had no way to tell me.  I hate death.  I know they are "just" animals to some people but they wiggle into your heart and become part of your family.  I never thought I would love a rodent, but Snickers was one of the good guys....and we will miss him.  Shadow is missing him.  Hemi is acting weird again like he did with Krissie, I am beginning to think he knew even before I did by the way he was acting. 

With the pain I am feeling over my animals, I can't imagine the pain of losing a human companion.  There are so many who are aching right now over lost loved ones.  I have been blessed with a somewhat healthy family and I haven't seen alot of death, but I know it is coming.  Everything on this earth will die eventually...and I have to pick up my game.  There are so many people who don't have a relationship with Christ and I need to find a way to bring them to know Jesus.  I am doing a great bible study right now by Priscilla Shirer called the Armor of God.  I am learning a lot and my tired soul is getting a much needed boost.  Things are changing around here and I need to learn to deal with some of it better.  I want to love better. I want to be better. I want to do better.  But I can't do any of that without putting my armor on first, knowing God's Truth and wearing it proudly.

Randall has decided to stay with Zaxbys. James is still at Harris Teeter. They both have 2 weeks left of their summer classes and then they will have an Associates degree and will begin UNCC in August.  Jeremy is going to some summer workouts for soccer.  He is going to try out for the High School team.  I don't know if he will make it or not, but we are definitely proud of the effort he has given so far. There are a lot of kids trying out, so I am holding on to hope, but if he doesn't make it, I will still be proud of him.  He will play rec ball and life will go on. JC is busy keeping us all together, taking care of us and now his parents. I am so blessed to have him. My job is changing, getting busier, but OT has been cut.  This is a good thing and a bad thing as I have been used to the money, but I think mentally and physically it will be a good thing in the end and an answer to prayers I have been praying during this bible study.  I know God will provide for us rather I am working 40 hours or 60 hours, so I am just going to start moving forward and see where it takes me.  Work will continue to get more stressful as we head into transitioning next year.  It is scary but if God is for me, who can be against me??

Here is my favorite picture of Snickers.  I am sad today, but joy comes in the morning.  We will miss you Snickers buddy.  If there is a place for animals after they die, and I don't know if there really is, but if there is, I can hope that Scooter, Grace, Skeeter, and Krissie greeted you when you got there!

Showing Up

Why is it hard for people to just show up?

I have felt let down on numerous occasions.  It isn't fun.  People who I thought I meant something to, have let me down and it hurts.  I hate the feeling when somebody says they will do something and then they don't.  I have always been big on keeping promises, so sometimes it is hard for me to understand why other people don't feel the same way.

When we were planning our 20 year anniversary/vow renewal, I let some people know at least a year in advance.  Only 2 of those people, showed up, everybody else couldn't come.  My dad didn't come, but unfortunately, that wasn't a surprise to me.  My aunts, my uncles, my cousins, none of them came.  That actually hurt more than I imagined.  We have gone our separate ways, we are living separate lives and it doesn't seem to matter any longer if somebody is celebrating a momentous time in their life.  It seems family only makes an effort to get together at funerals...Why is that? Why wouldn't you want to spend time with your family while there is still breath in their lungs and not to watch them being buried?  I understand there are some circumstances....I know I missed a wedding because of some financial circumstances, but I never promised I would go, I waited until the last minute and then I told them I wouldn't be coming because there was no way I could get off work.  It wasn't intentional, the timing and finances just weren't right at that time.  Some of the excuses I got was laughable.....but you know what...there were people who showed up.  People who came and saw a wonderful 2nd wedding.  People who showed up and loved on us and for that I am grateful.

None of this hurt though compares to the hurt I feel when somebody doesn't "show up" for my kids.  We may not see eye to eye on everything, but my kids and JC mean the world to me.  So I think, even though they say it doesn't matter, it bothers me.  My heart is aching right now. Randall is moving to a new job with a different company, and one of the girls at his work offered to throw him a party at her house since he was leaving.  At least 6 people said they were going to come, and then didn't show up.  It was just Randall, the girl, and her sibling(s) and mom.  It was very nice of her to do that for him....something she didn't have to do, and people just didn't show up.  Randall acts like it doesn't matter, but I know how I feel when it happens to me, so I wonder if he is just compartmentalizing and/or holding it inside.  I just want people to show up.  He is a good kid.  He is hard-working.  He would give the shirt off of his back for anyone of those people who didn't come.  I don't know the girl, but the fact that she offered to throw the party in the first place, shows me she is a caring person.  How heartbreaking to her to open her home and buy food for people who aren't caring enough to even call to give an excuse...instead they just don't show up.

Come on people!  We have to do better than this.  We are only here on this earth for a brief moment out of eternity.  Love the people you are doing life with.  Love them with your whole heart....and for goodness sake - just show up!!!  Please.