How is it that 2021 went so quickly? It was another crazy year and as usual, I did very little blogging/journaling. I have set a 52 week plan and one of the goals is to journal at least one time per week. I basically did not complete any of the tasks for the first week, but I hope that I can do better every week throughout the year...being intentional to give myself self-care.
I am exhausted with how this world is. I am exhausted from having chronic sinus issues that mirror this stupid CoVid disease. I am exhausted from worrying if somebody likes or dislikes me because of my choice to not take the CoVid vaccine. I am exhausted with the lack of human compassion....I am just plan exhausted. I am exhausted by having to chase down everything because people aren't doing their job and use CoVid as a cop out. I am exhausted with worrying about everybody all the time.
This year I am truly trying to intentionally take care of me. It is embarrassing to order a size 3X Snow jacket and have to send it back because it doesn't fit. It is embarrassing that I have gained so much weight back. My body aches, I have trouble doing simple things and I just want to feel better and feel better about myself. We have been going on adventures....the Creeper Trail, Hiking, a white elephant Christmas party, we are about to do a painting day and snow tubing...some of this stuff I aI m too out of shape for, but I want to live. I am tired of people holing up in their houses waiting for some government official to give them the OK to step outside without fear. I don't want to fear living and getting together with some friends and doing these things has helped me in ways I didn't think possible. I told JC with the two jobs and helping his mom and worrying about paying two sets of bills, this one time (or sometimes 2 times) per month is saving my sanity.
I do need to quit spending so much money. Ordering online has turned out to be way too EASY....I need to get this debt paid off and as long as I keep spending and prices keep soaring, I will never be able to get the noose from around my neck.
I don't want to be sick and tired anymore. I want to live life with abundance just like God wants for us. He didn't want us to live in fear waiting to die from this disease. I have come to the resolution that I will probably never see my father again and that makes me incredibly sad. I am saddened by his interpretation of the vaccine and I have a hard time calling him because of the pain of hearing him tear me down. He fought for this country so that people like me, could have the freedom to choose, and yet, he doesn't want that freedom to mean anything any longer. I am exhausted and I am confused....and I just want things to go back to the way they were before March of 2020.
Until next time....I am sorry if this sounds crazy. I don't have much time to put my thoughts together....these are just a few of the things I am feeling right now.
