A little bit of reflecting

I love Blogger! I love the people I am meeting and following! I love God for bringing me to this place! I have Myspace and Facebook, but it's not the same as the Blogger Family I have joined. On Myspace, there is some pretty BAD stuff going on. People discuss their "bad" relationships just as much as the good, if not more. But I keep it because I want to monitor who my kids talk to and what they are saying and doing. On Facebook, I just started using it more because practically half of my church is on there. I see it as a place to just keep in touch.

But Blogger...I get consumed. I have MANY blogs saved as Favorites and every morning, I sit down and go down the list. There was a time when I was just reading one and if they didn't make an update, I would be sad, especially if it last for more than a day or two...but now there are so many, that one or two days is not so bad. I am learning so much about God's love, kindness, patience, and sovereignty. This must be the reason I have been called to read these blogs, because I don't fit in with any of the groups. I haven't adopted a child, or had a sick baby, or lost a child, but I feel connected in some way to all of them. Most days, I cry for a baby who has been lost, or a set back while in the hospital, or in happiness when good news comes back. I cry! I don't know any of these wonderful people in the flesh, but I know their hearts and isn't that all that really matters anyway?

The reflecting part comes in when a baby passes away. These parents are so strong and so steadfast in their faith of Jesus Christ. They may question WHY ME every now and then but it doesn't consume them, they know that there is a plan for everything and that one day they will meet up with their baby again....and I know this true....BUT....I'm not sure how strong my faith is. I've never been in that situation and I pray I don't have to be, but I also pray that if I do have to go through something that I wouldn't lose my faith. Maybe that is why I keep coming back even when my heart breaks and I cry and cry and cry, and don't have anybody to call and talk me through it. Nobody would understand! Nobody would care! EXCEPT GOD! He does care and He understands, and I want to talk to Him and hear from Him and know Him more each day. And I want to know what He wants me to do for Him in my lifetime. How can I affect so many and bring people to Him like Blogger is doing? There is a movement going on and Satan can't stop it! There are people out there who are doing everything in their power to get the good news of Jesus Christ into every home, even if it means bearing their very sould over their hurts and losses. I want to have a meaning, a purpose, a reason! I want to do something and I don't know what. So for now, I will pray. I will pray that I can realize my potential and won't be scared to go for it! And I will keep going back to each and every post day in and day out, even when it hurts, because each hurt they go through, I learn something. Each day I learn about God's love, kindness, patience, and sovereignty.

With all of that being said, I have deleted one of my blogs and created a new one. The one I deleted was titled "Letters to my Parents...the Road to Forgiveness". I started that blog a few months ago as a way to tell my parents how they hurt me (without actually telling them to their face), and also as a way to try to put the past in the past and move on with my future. I left it private because the facts that I mentioned are not known to anybody else and could effect many lives. I don't want that and so it was just for me! To rant, to rave! But I wrote several posts and it didn't truly make me feel better. I haven't opened it up in more than 2 or 3 months and even today when I deleted it, I just deleted it. I didn't want to read them and remember all over again. I just wanted it to be gone. And so it is! It is gone!

The new one I created, is something I saw on another Blogger and I thought it would be fun and actually push me to get on here more often. It is Project 365, where I will take and upload one picture everyday for one year. Starting today, February 11th and ending next year on this same date! Can I do it? I don't know, but I want to try. I want to do this FOR ME. For now....I'm going to get moving, but I hope to post more often. I say this alot though, so I FORGIVE myself if I don't.