Some same that being a parent isn't all it is cracked up to be. Some say it is the best job they have ever had. Some say they never wanted to do anything else....others say they never want to do it at all....but no matter your feelings of being a mom, I think it is safe to say a mother's job is never done.
It doesn't matter if you stay at home or work in an office, being a mom is a 24-hour job. She is a taxi driver, a cook, a seamstress, a referree, an enforcer, a teacher, a shoulder to cry on, a nurse, and the list goes on. This is not to say that Dads don't do their share. I know many hands-on dads who could be considered Mr. Moms. They do a great job as well...but speaking from a mother's point of view, I can say the job is relentless.
I didn't know quite how much this was true of everything...including birds...until I watch a mom and her 4 babies for a day.
The nest is right outside my window and I watched them build the nest a few weeks back when the tree hadn't gotten the leaves on it yet.
They did a great job and I have to admit as I watched them, I wondered why they bothered. But yesterday I saw why they took such care, flying here and there to build this nest with an intensity you don't often see of most humans. They wanted a safe place to have their babies. What mom (or dad) doesn't want this. A place to call home, a place to feel safe and protected from the elements. These birds found a safe place and made a shelter for their babies....then the babies are here and there focus changes...yesterday their focus was on feeding their little hungry babies....I am pretty sure they were both helping, but it might have just been the mom and she was very fast - who knows....but I can tell you that she was at it all day. She would fly away, come back with a worm or what looked like bread, she would stand on the edge of the nest while the 4 little babies sat with their mouths opened wide waiting for them to drop the food into their mouths. They didn't doubt their parents, they knew they would return bringing with it a morsel to fill their bellies. And those birds did this all day....she would rest for about 5 minutes laying on top of them, and then it was off again. I never saw her there for more than 5 minutes at a time. I couldn't get enough of it. I snapped picture after picture waiting to see their little open beaks over the top of the nest nestled in the leaves of the tree in my front yard. And I thought to myself, I sit here at this desk, typing, and working, putting up with things I feel many don't have to put up with....but it could be worse...I could be laboring hard all day long just to put food in my babies' bellies. I am sitting in the air condition, in a comfy chair, only using my brain and my hands....I could be teetering on the edge of a nest, in the heat (with shade from the leaves), I could have to leave my boys and go outside of the home to look for food for them....I am so blessed to be able to have a job in this economy....a job that allows me to work from home, watch my children grow, to feed my family, and give them love. I am so blessed to sit here and be able to look out my window and see the love of God through the things He created...the trees, the grass, the sky, and the birds! Thank you Jesus!
Friday, April 20, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Tired...Spent...Drained
This week I have been so tired....emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually.....I am spent....I did finally go to Urgent Care last night and got an antibiotic...my ear is feeling about 50% better today....now if I could do something about my lack of energy. My lack of caring. The spiritual warfare I have been struggling with. I know that I can do this....why do I keep putting it off?
For instance, I could be doing something now to make it better, but instead I am going to sign off of here and go lay down and try to finish my book. I really am trying to use this as an outlet...but I am starting to wonder if I might need some more help....a professional....I guess I will think more about that tomorrow...for now, I am off to relax.
For instance, I could be doing something now to make it better, but instead I am going to sign off of here and go lay down and try to finish my book. I really am trying to use this as an outlet...but I am starting to wonder if I might need some more help....a professional....I guess I will think more about that tomorrow...for now, I am off to relax.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Facebook Fast
Well, last Sunday I started a self-imposed Facebook Fast. It was great. I didn't quite make it 7 days, but I did make it 5 and only signed on yesterday to respond to the Girls game night questions. It helped me focus on other things...it is something I definitely need to do more often!
It cleared my head, it gave me extra time to read, to spend time with my family, to reflect on my relationship with God. It gave me time to see that when I meet Jesus face to face, I will have to answer for the jealousy that Facebook causes me. I have to realize that God made me who I am for His own reason and I can't look at my short fallings as mistakes, because then I am telling Him that he made a mistake...and well, HE DOESN'T.
I have so much to work on. I have so much to live for. I have so much to learn and teach and tell. God made me who I am for a reason and I am going to do whatever that is.
On another note, I need to start working on my scrapbooks, genealogy, quilts, and cards. I want to start working on my writing again too. So much to do, so little time!
The last two days have been emotional roller coasters for me. That always happens when JC and I don't see eye to eye on things. I don't like to talk or share about our arguments because they usually blow over and because I think our marriage is ours and nobody elses....but sometimes I crack...sometimes I have to talk to other people or I will just burst....I appreciate having a friend that I can talk to when that happens. It doesn't happen often and I don't trust many...but to have somebody that I can vent to is awesome. JC has been my best friend for 16 years, but it is kind of hard to vent to him about himself!! LOL
For now, things are OK....I am glad. And I am ready for bed, so I am going to go. Tomorrow is another day...and I will rejoice and be glad in it!
Thank you Lord for giving us a beautiful day like today. I pray that you will continue to guide me, to lead, and to cherish me. I am glad that you love me even if I sin. I am glad that you are a Father I can rely on all the time. I am glad that I no longer have to search for a missing love because you are always here for me. I pray that you help me become a better person inside and out so that I can share the good news of what you have done for others. I pray that you give me a clear mind and a clear heart so I don't get burned out. I pray that you give me the power of forgiveness, so I can forgive myself and forgive others when they let me down. Please watch over us Lord....if we ever needed you, Lord it's now.
Amen.
It cleared my head, it gave me extra time to read, to spend time with my family, to reflect on my relationship with God. It gave me time to see that when I meet Jesus face to face, I will have to answer for the jealousy that Facebook causes me. I have to realize that God made me who I am for His own reason and I can't look at my short fallings as mistakes, because then I am telling Him that he made a mistake...and well, HE DOESN'T.
I have so much to work on. I have so much to live for. I have so much to learn and teach and tell. God made me who I am for a reason and I am going to do whatever that is.
On another note, I need to start working on my scrapbooks, genealogy, quilts, and cards. I want to start working on my writing again too. So much to do, so little time!
The last two days have been emotional roller coasters for me. That always happens when JC and I don't see eye to eye on things. I don't like to talk or share about our arguments because they usually blow over and because I think our marriage is ours and nobody elses....but sometimes I crack...sometimes I have to talk to other people or I will just burst....I appreciate having a friend that I can talk to when that happens. It doesn't happen often and I don't trust many...but to have somebody that I can vent to is awesome. JC has been my best friend for 16 years, but it is kind of hard to vent to him about himself!! LOL
For now, things are OK....I am glad. And I am ready for bed, so I am going to go. Tomorrow is another day...and I will rejoice and be glad in it!
Thank you Lord for giving us a beautiful day like today. I pray that you will continue to guide me, to lead, and to cherish me. I am glad that you love me even if I sin. I am glad that you are a Father I can rely on all the time. I am glad that I no longer have to search for a missing love because you are always here for me. I pray that you help me become a better person inside and out so that I can share the good news of what you have done for others. I pray that you give me a clear mind and a clear heart so I don't get burned out. I pray that you give me the power of forgiveness, so I can forgive myself and forgive others when they let me down. Please watch over us Lord....if we ever needed you, Lord it's now.
Amen.
The Lord's Ballgame
THE LORD'S BASEBALL GAME
Freddy and the Lord stood by to observe a baseball game. The Lord's team was playing Satan's team.
The Lord's team was at bat, the score was tied zero to zero, and it was the bottom of the 9th inning with two outs. They continued to watch as a batter stepped up to the plate named 'Love.'
Love swung at the first pitch and hit a single, because 'Love never fails.'
The next batter was named Faith, who also got a single because Faith works with Love.
The next batter up was named Godly Wisdom. Satan wound up and threw the first pitch.
Godly Wisdom looked it over and let it pass: Ball one. Three more pitches andGodly Wisdom walked because he never swings at what Satan throws.
The bases were now loaded. The Lord then turned to Freddy and told him He was now going to bring in His star player. Up to the plate stepped Grace. Freddy said, 'He sure doesn't look like much!'
Satan's whole team relaxed when they saw Grace.
Thinking he had won the game, Satan wound up and fired his first pitch. To the shock of everyone, Grace hit the ball harder than anyone had ever seen! But Satan was not worried; his center fielder let very few get by
He went up for the ball, but it went right through his glove, hit him on the head and sent him crashing on the ground;the roaring crowds went wild as the ball continued over the fence . . for a home run!
The Lord's team won!
The Lord then asked Freddy if he knew why Love, Faith and Godly Wisdomcould get on base but couldn't win the game. Freddy answered that he didn't know why.
The Lord explained, 'If your love, faithand wisdom had won the game, you would think you had done it by yourself.Love, Faith and Wisdom will get you on base but only My Grace can get you Home:
'For by Grace are you saved, it is a gift of God; not of works, lest any man should boast.' Ephesians 2:8-9
Psalm 84:11, 'For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.'
Freddy and the Lord stood by to observe a baseball game. The Lord's team was playing Satan's team.
The Lord's team was at bat, the score was tied zero to zero, and it was the bottom of the 9th inning with two outs. They continued to watch as a batter stepped up to the plate named 'Love.'
Love swung at the first pitch and hit a single, because 'Love never fails.'
The next batter was named Faith, who also got a single because Faith works with Love.
The next batter up was named Godly Wisdom. Satan wound up and threw the first pitch.
Godly Wisdom looked it over and let it pass: Ball one. Three more pitches andGodly Wisdom walked because he never swings at what Satan throws.
The bases were now loaded. The Lord then turned to Freddy and told him He was now going to bring in His star player. Up to the plate stepped Grace. Freddy said, 'He sure doesn't look like much!'
Satan's whole team relaxed when they saw Grace.
Thinking he had won the game, Satan wound up and fired his first pitch. To the shock of everyone, Grace hit the ball harder than anyone had ever seen! But Satan was not worried; his center fielder let very few get by
He went up for the ball, but it went right through his glove, hit him on the head and sent him crashing on the ground;the roaring crowds went wild as the ball continued over the fence . . for a home run!
The Lord's team won!
The Lord then asked Freddy if he knew why Love, Faith and Godly Wisdomcould get on base but couldn't win the game. Freddy answered that he didn't know why.
The Lord explained, 'If your love, faithand wisdom had won the game, you would think you had done it by yourself.Love, Faith and Wisdom will get you on base but only My Grace can get you Home:
'For by Grace are you saved, it is a gift of God; not of works, lest any man should boast.' Ephesians 2:8-9
Psalm 84:11, 'For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.'
Friday, April 13, 2012
What is a Dream?
A dream is described from Dictionary.com below:
dream [dreem] Show IPA noun, verb, dreamed or dreamt, dream·ing, adjective
noun
1. a succession of images, thoughts, or emotions passing through the mind during sleep.
2. the sleeping state in which this occurs.
3. an object seen in a dream.
4. an involuntary vision occurring to a person when awake.
5. a vision voluntarily indulged in while awake; daydream; reverie.
I've often thought of a dream in two ways....in the way that I have images in my head while I sleep. Most of the time I don't remember these dreams, if I wake up in the middle of, the foggy edges of it remain, but I am not good at remembering or interpreting what they mean. I've also thought of a dream, as something to look forward to, a goal to obtain, something to look forward to in the future....so today when I talk about dreams...this is the dream I am referring.
Lately, I have been known to say, "when I grow up, I want to be a photographer". This is unrealistic, because as of right now, I AM grown up. It is also unrealistic because I don't have any training, I am the point and click type of girl....and I think I have had some great shots before, but it's nothing to write home about. Do I love photography... absolutely.... would I be satisfied doing that as a career, I don't think so. Don't get me wrong...I don't think what I am doing right now would be be called satisfying, but it pays the bills, and as an adult, that is what I need to do - right??
Yesterday, I read a book on the Kindle, it was really good - a good almost wholesome book about a teenager and a new love. I couldn't put it down, which explains why I sit here with swollen eyes after staying up until 2:30 this morning. The book took me back to my high school days when writing was one of my loves. I loved to write stories and poems, I wrote a journal and a diary. I loved to type on my old typewriter and then computer just to type and words just seemed to flow. According to my Creative Writing teacher, I wasn't that good, but it didn't matter because I loved doing it. My dream back then was to be a teacher, a softball coach, and a writer. None of that happened. But that is OK - I wouldn't change the way things are now...first of all, I don't think I could handle the kids of this age. There is no discipline, there is a sense of self indulgence and it's all about me in most school aged kids...and I don't think I would have been very good dealing with that type of behaviour. Softball and writing...those were loves for me back then, I never dreamed I would live so long without it. I dreamed that I would always have something to do with Softball....but that isn't to be. The writing I stopped long around the time I met JC. I don't know why or how. I don't know if life just got too busy, if I had finally found what I was searching for that had kept me writing, or if I just was plumb worn out. Whatever the reason, I found myself no longer dreaming of writing stories for children, writing romance novels, and writing poems. Forcing myself to type on here each day this week, has helped me see that I still need an outlet and reading that book yesterday, helped me see that I could still do it. That dream, isn't dead. I can still do it. I can still find a way to use my writing as an outlet.
I am becoming tired of the mundane every day of my life. I am becoming tired of feeling like I do everything and yet feeling like I do nothing at the same time. I am tired of feeling that I don't matter. I am tired of feeling tired. Will writing make me wake up and throw these feelings out....maybe, I don't know...but I am willing to try. I am willing to try!
dream [dreem] Show IPA noun, verb, dreamed or dreamt, dream·ing, adjective
noun
1. a succession of images, thoughts, or emotions passing through the mind during sleep.
2. the sleeping state in which this occurs.
3. an object seen in a dream.
4. an involuntary vision occurring to a person when awake.
5. a vision voluntarily indulged in while awake; daydream; reverie.
I've often thought of a dream in two ways....in the way that I have images in my head while I sleep. Most of the time I don't remember these dreams, if I wake up in the middle of, the foggy edges of it remain, but I am not good at remembering or interpreting what they mean. I've also thought of a dream, as something to look forward to, a goal to obtain, something to look forward to in the future....so today when I talk about dreams...this is the dream I am referring.
Lately, I have been known to say, "when I grow up, I want to be a photographer". This is unrealistic, because as of right now, I AM grown up. It is also unrealistic because I don't have any training, I am the point and click type of girl....and I think I have had some great shots before, but it's nothing to write home about. Do I love photography... absolutely.... would I be satisfied doing that as a career, I don't think so. Don't get me wrong...I don't think what I am doing right now would be be called satisfying, but it pays the bills, and as an adult, that is what I need to do - right??
Yesterday, I read a book on the Kindle, it was really good - a good almost wholesome book about a teenager and a new love. I couldn't put it down, which explains why I sit here with swollen eyes after staying up until 2:30 this morning. The book took me back to my high school days when writing was one of my loves. I loved to write stories and poems, I wrote a journal and a diary. I loved to type on my old typewriter and then computer just to type and words just seemed to flow. According to my Creative Writing teacher, I wasn't that good, but it didn't matter because I loved doing it. My dream back then was to be a teacher, a softball coach, and a writer. None of that happened. But that is OK - I wouldn't change the way things are now...first of all, I don't think I could handle the kids of this age. There is no discipline, there is a sense of self indulgence and it's all about me in most school aged kids...and I don't think I would have been very good dealing with that type of behaviour. Softball and writing...those were loves for me back then, I never dreamed I would live so long without it. I dreamed that I would always have something to do with Softball....but that isn't to be. The writing I stopped long around the time I met JC. I don't know why or how. I don't know if life just got too busy, if I had finally found what I was searching for that had kept me writing, or if I just was plumb worn out. Whatever the reason, I found myself no longer dreaming of writing stories for children, writing romance novels, and writing poems. Forcing myself to type on here each day this week, has helped me see that I still need an outlet and reading that book yesterday, helped me see that I could still do it. That dream, isn't dead. I can still do it. I can still find a way to use my writing as an outlet.
I am becoming tired of the mundane every day of my life. I am becoming tired of feeling like I do everything and yet feeling like I do nothing at the same time. I am tired of feeling that I don't matter. I am tired of feeling tired. Will writing make me wake up and throw these feelings out....maybe, I don't know...but I am willing to try. I am willing to try!
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Not much to say today...unbelievably
Well, I don't have many thoughts running through my head today. I took a 800 mg Motrin last night and was asleep by 11 and slept through until 6 - I think that is the first 7-hour straight sleep I have had in a long while! Maybe that is why I am not feeling so down in the dumps today...
I have been on a roll posting on here, so I didn't want to stop while I have been doing so well. Spring Break for the boys is almost over. It hasn't been too bad. Jeremy and I worked on some of his Gold requirements for his AWANA program so I am glad that we have a good start. I am trying to get him to do as many of them as I can this week while he is off. I am hoping he is able to finish all of it.
I have some good kids! They annoy me sometimes (on purpose at times), but they are smart, and funny, and so good (at least outside of the house)....I am proud of them for the work they do in AWANA and for the church. I hope that doesn't diminish as they get older. I wish I had served God my entire life. I wish I had the opportunity to have the church family that they have when I was there age....I truly believe things would have been so different...don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my husband and my kids, but I just wish I had gotten here following God instead of running from Him.
I have learned so much about myself over the past 4 years. I have learned that I did what I did as a teenager because I was looking for my father's love. I felt that I needed to replace my eartly father's love, when all I had to do was rely on my Heavenly Father's love and mercy. Now if only I could understand that with the forgiveness of my sins by what Jesus did on the cross for me, that he has forgiven me, so I should be able to forgive myself for the way I strayed. I need to forgive myself or I will never be able to move forward.
Well...I didn't think I had much to say, but it seems to just keep coming out. One day, I hope that I am able to help other people - if I could do it by my writing, that would be awesome...but I have this terrible feeling that one day, God is going to ask me to speak to ladies or girls who have gone through what I have. If this is what He is calling me to do, I know I have to follow, but where I am today....I don't know how that will ever happen. I freak out when a microphone is handed to me. I blush blood red if I even have to just introduce myself to a group of ladies in a small group setting. I have a lot of growing to do no matter what He is going to expect of me. But I will do whatever He calls me to do until I enter into His Heavenly home.
I have been on a roll posting on here, so I didn't want to stop while I have been doing so well. Spring Break for the boys is almost over. It hasn't been too bad. Jeremy and I worked on some of his Gold requirements for his AWANA program so I am glad that we have a good start. I am trying to get him to do as many of them as I can this week while he is off. I am hoping he is able to finish all of it.
I have some good kids! They annoy me sometimes (on purpose at times), but they are smart, and funny, and so good (at least outside of the house)....I am proud of them for the work they do in AWANA and for the church. I hope that doesn't diminish as they get older. I wish I had served God my entire life. I wish I had the opportunity to have the church family that they have when I was there age....I truly believe things would have been so different...don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my husband and my kids, but I just wish I had gotten here following God instead of running from Him.
I have learned so much about myself over the past 4 years. I have learned that I did what I did as a teenager because I was looking for my father's love. I felt that I needed to replace my eartly father's love, when all I had to do was rely on my Heavenly Father's love and mercy. Now if only I could understand that with the forgiveness of my sins by what Jesus did on the cross for me, that he has forgiven me, so I should be able to forgive myself for the way I strayed. I need to forgive myself or I will never be able to move forward.
Well...I didn't think I had much to say, but it seems to just keep coming out. One day, I hope that I am able to help other people - if I could do it by my writing, that would be awesome...but I have this terrible feeling that one day, God is going to ask me to speak to ladies or girls who have gone through what I have. If this is what He is calling me to do, I know I have to follow, but where I am today....I don't know how that will ever happen. I freak out when a microphone is handed to me. I blush blood red if I even have to just introduce myself to a group of ladies in a small group setting. I have a lot of growing to do no matter what He is going to expect of me. But I will do whatever He calls me to do until I enter into His Heavenly home.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Memory(ies)
I have a great LONG TERM memory...short term, not so much!! Sometimes I wish I didn't...because I remember everything. I remember when somebody says somebody did them wrong, and then later makes them sound perfect...I think well what about this? I remember when people gossip and say stuff about other people and then when they move away, act like they are losing their best friend. I remember alot of details that many would forget....and I tend to hold that against people when I see that looking back, they have harmed these people without even knowing it. For these reasons, I am very glad that I am taking a break from Facebook..
Memories on the other hand....memories are little tidbits of time stored away to look on in later years. Memories are what you make with time spent with you family...not money spent. Memories are kept in journals and pictures. Sometimes they are great memories other times they are reminders of what is no longer. That is what happened to me this morning....Looking through some old pictures, I ran across JC's old car - the one he loved and sold to help try to keep our home. I ran across pictures of the boys and JC in the pool, the pool in the yard of the home we lost. I ran across pictures of our Blondie girl...the dog we had to give away when we lost the home and the back yard in which she had lived her whole life. I didn't cry. I didn't want to upset JC or Jeremy...but my heart cracked in two. It's been almost 2 years...I thankfully don't think of these things often...but today I am mourning what is no longer. It's a small pity party. I know that what is here will one day be gone. I know one day I will have a mansion all of my own, with my Saviour & King. I know that I am forgiven even today as I sin by placing more importance on these material things then necessary.
Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. - Matthew 18:18
In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. - John 14:2-3
Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. - Matthew 6:19-21
Memories on the other hand....memories are little tidbits of time stored away to look on in later years. Memories are what you make with time spent with you family...not money spent. Memories are kept in journals and pictures. Sometimes they are great memories other times they are reminders of what is no longer. That is what happened to me this morning....Looking through some old pictures, I ran across JC's old car - the one he loved and sold to help try to keep our home. I ran across pictures of the boys and JC in the pool, the pool in the yard of the home we lost. I ran across pictures of our Blondie girl...the dog we had to give away when we lost the home and the back yard in which she had lived her whole life. I didn't cry. I didn't want to upset JC or Jeremy...but my heart cracked in two. It's been almost 2 years...I thankfully don't think of these things often...but today I am mourning what is no longer. It's a small pity party. I know that what is here will one day be gone. I know one day I will have a mansion all of my own, with my Saviour & King. I know that I am forgiven even today as I sin by placing more importance on these material things then necessary.
Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. - Matthew 18:18
In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. - John 14:2-3
Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. - Matthew 6:19-21
Monday, April 09, 2012
What Does God Say About Friendship?
I am feeling melancholy today. I want to scream "Satan - Be Gone". I feel him whispering in my ear that I am unloved. I hear him telling me that I have no friends, nobody wants to talk to me, nobody wants to hang out with me, nobody wants to gather for girl's game night. Why do I let him make me feel these things? I do feel this way today. I have been feeling this way often lately. I feel let down more times than not. I feel sad because the friends I hung out with just last year, I haven't seen in ages. I know everybody comes into your life for a season, but these friends, members of my church family, are the reason I wanted to stay here instead of moving back home to Virginia. Today for some reason, I am wanting to be away from here. To not be let down. To not have known them because then I wouldn't be hurting today. I know we all have busy lives. We all have families to take care of, and family time is great. I just don't want to lose these friendships.
I am shy. I love to serve the Lord. I love to help people, love people, share whatever God has blessed me with with the people I love. I feel like I always give 110% to everything...including my friends. I feel like I am reliable, dependable, available whenever they need me. I feel I go out of my way to make sure I am able to help them. I do that because that is who I am, I have never expected anything in return....but just for today, I wish for a dependable friend to talk to. To cry on their shoulder.
I still have friends....many are going through their own trials today. I still love all of my friends, even if I am feeling let down today. Tomorrow will be better....I know...I am hoping getting these feelings off of my chest will help me mourn and move on!
So, with how I am feeling today...I googled "What does God Say About Friendship", and this is what I found (the Bible is such a wonderful tool for everyday life):
Proverbs 17:17 - A friend loves at all time, and a brother is born for adversity.
Hebrews 10:24-25 - And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near.
Job 6:14 - He who withhold kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 - Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.
Psalm 41:9 - Even my close friend in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me.
1 Peter 4:8-10 - Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace.
Proverbs 16:28 - A dishonest man spreads strife and a whispere separates close friends.
Proverbs 25:17 - Let your foot be seldom in your neighor's house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you.
I could go on and on...there were so many verses that rang true in my ears. The last one that I included above makes me worry that I have asked too much of my friends...that I have intruded myself into their lives too much. I don't feel like I have done this, but it makes me wonder.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring, only God does. I do know that even though I am feeling lonely and sad today, I do know that the Lord is with me, he will never forget me or forsake me. He loves me with no strings attached. He is my forever friend; tried and true. I belong to Him. He is living in my heart and with him I can do anything. And I love how He works...as I was typing these last few sentences, the words of this song popped in my head - AMEN - what a friend we have in Jesus!
What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful,
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Are we weak and heavy-laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,
Thou wilt find a solace there.
Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised
Thou wilt all our burdens bear;
May we ever, Lord, be bringing
All to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright, unclouded,
There will be no need for prayer—
Rapture, praise, and endless worship
Will be our sweet portion there.
Thank you Jesus!
I am shy. I love to serve the Lord. I love to help people, love people, share whatever God has blessed me with with the people I love. I feel like I always give 110% to everything...including my friends. I feel like I am reliable, dependable, available whenever they need me. I feel I go out of my way to make sure I am able to help them. I do that because that is who I am, I have never expected anything in return....but just for today, I wish for a dependable friend to talk to. To cry on their shoulder.
I still have friends....many are going through their own trials today. I still love all of my friends, even if I am feeling let down today. Tomorrow will be better....I know...I am hoping getting these feelings off of my chest will help me mourn and move on!
So, with how I am feeling today...I googled "What does God Say About Friendship", and this is what I found (the Bible is such a wonderful tool for everyday life):
Proverbs 17:17 - A friend loves at all time, and a brother is born for adversity.
Hebrews 10:24-25 - And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near.
Job 6:14 - He who withhold kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 - Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.
Psalm 41:9 - Even my close friend in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me.
1 Peter 4:8-10 - Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace.
Proverbs 16:28 - A dishonest man spreads strife and a whispere separates close friends.
Proverbs 25:17 - Let your foot be seldom in your neighor's house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you.
I could go on and on...there were so many verses that rang true in my ears. The last one that I included above makes me worry that I have asked too much of my friends...that I have intruded myself into their lives too much. I don't feel like I have done this, but it makes me wonder.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring, only God does. I do know that even though I am feeling lonely and sad today, I do know that the Lord is with me, he will never forget me or forsake me. He loves me with no strings attached. He is my forever friend; tried and true. I belong to Him. He is living in my heart and with him I can do anything. And I love how He works...as I was typing these last few sentences, the words of this song popped in my head - AMEN - what a friend we have in Jesus!
What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful,
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Are we weak and heavy-laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,
Thou wilt find a solace there.
Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised
Thou wilt all our burdens bear;
May we ever, Lord, be bringing
All to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright, unclouded,
There will be no need for prayer—
Rapture, praise, and endless worship
Will be our sweet portion there.
Thank you Jesus!
Sunday, April 08, 2012
I am Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
So yesterday as I was taking my shower, I had a little talk with God. I wish I could tell you I heard him clearly, but I can't. What I heard as I asked him to help change my heart, change my mind, and change my thoughts about myself, I was reminded of this passage - "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." - Psalm 139:14. I thought to myself that I should make this my life verse even if just for this minute....because I NEED to know this in my heart. I NEED to hear it, I NEED to see it when I look in the mirror. So I am commiting to myself to say this each time I look in the mirror. I believe it will help...Satan is telling me it won't, but I won't listen to Satan's lies. I am believing this is what I need to hear so that I feel like I am worth something....so that I feel important...so that I feel loved. I know He loves me....I just NEED to love myself enough to want to feel and look better. I don't want to lose weight to feel sexy or to wear better clothes, I want to be healthy, I want to be able to minister and serve other people, but as long as I am unhealthy, I am not able to serve Him the way I should.
I am also commiting to fasting from Facebook for a week starting today. I need to be away from the drama. I ned to spend more time and energy doing what is important to God and to me. I need a break from the devil's lair - I believe Facebook is a great tool to remain in contact with friends and share pictures, but I also believe Satan is using it to spread jealousy and envy and hurting the relationships in the church. This discontent is what Satan wants...he wants the Church to be separated by angst and it is working. God Bless us All! Heavenly Father, we need you now. Please help us learn to love one another as you first loved us. Please give us the strength to fight off the attacks of Satan. Please give us the opportunity to share your Word with others, rather it is by mouth, by giving out tracks, by paying for others to go on a mission trip, by going on a mission trip ourselves, or just by serving and loving on your children. I will not believe the lies that Satan is telling us, that you have to be the one to always go out into the world to tell. I believe the way I tell is by my service and love. I NEED you Lord. I need to work on getting my body into condition so I can serve you more and better. I need to work on getting my mind into condition to understand my children so we aren't always at each other's throats. I need to work on getting my heart into a condition that I love and not envy. I NEED to do a lot of work, but with your help, I know I can do this. "I can do all things through him who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13.
I am also commiting to fasting from Facebook for a week starting today. I need to be away from the drama. I ned to spend more time and energy doing what is important to God and to me. I need a break from the devil's lair - I believe Facebook is a great tool to remain in contact with friends and share pictures, but I also believe Satan is using it to spread jealousy and envy and hurting the relationships in the church. This discontent is what Satan wants...he wants the Church to be separated by angst and it is working. God Bless us All! Heavenly Father, we need you now. Please help us learn to love one another as you first loved us. Please give us the strength to fight off the attacks of Satan. Please give us the opportunity to share your Word with others, rather it is by mouth, by giving out tracks, by paying for others to go on a mission trip, by going on a mission trip ourselves, or just by serving and loving on your children. I will not believe the lies that Satan is telling us, that you have to be the one to always go out into the world to tell. I believe the way I tell is by my service and love. I NEED you Lord. I need to work on getting my body into condition so I can serve you more and better. I need to work on getting my mind into condition to understand my children so we aren't always at each other's throats. I need to work on getting my heart into a condition that I love and not envy. I NEED to do a lot of work, but with your help, I know I can do this. "I can do all things through him who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13.
Thursday, April 05, 2012
If We Ever Needed You, Lord it's Now!
I love that song....we need you Lord.
It's been awhile since I wrote, I promised I would be better this year, but wow time just seems to fly. Sometimes I feel like I get so busy that I don't stop and give myself room to breathe....but then I think if I stop, it will give me time to think, time to ponder, time for Satan to get in my head and make me doubt....so I just keep going.
The Lord has blessed me with a good-paying job, it has been our saving grace for the past 10 years (as of May 30th). It has given me the chance to earn my Bachelors Degree. It has given me the chance to work from home and watch my children grow. It has given me great benefits. That is not to say I haven't worked hard to get where I am...I have, but I am so blessed to have a job....I just wish it was doing something I love. That is part of my problem I am having today...why can't I just be happy with what I have? Why isn't the ability to provide for my family enough? Why do I find myself wanting more? I know the answer doesn't lie in the actual job...it has to do with me, my soul, my circumstances, and not relying on God for my happiness. I have been here before, I hate here....I want to live without doubt and fear, anger and depression, jealousy and envy, and being discontent.
It is hard. Marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. Staying focused at work is hard. LIFE is hard. Friendships are hard. Being a Christian is hard. What? Being a Christian shouldn't be hard.....but it is. On one hand, as a Christian, you deal with people who call you Bible Thumpers, illogical, and not understanding why you choose to serve His church....then on the other hand, you have Christians walking beside you, judging you, condemning you for not living like Jesus. I honestly believe the latter is what is causing my discontent right now. I know I am not perfect. I struggle everyday. I struggle with finding quiet time with God, I struggle with finding time to read and study his word, I struggle with jealousy and envy and feelings of being inadequate. And because I struggle, I know my family also struggles, not necessarily because of me, but because I see them walking through this as well. I see men telling my husband he is not living up to the Bible because he doesn't work to support our family. I see people talking down to him when he needs to be picked up. I see him pushing everybody and everything away because it is easier to pretend he doesn't care then to be hurt yet again by us humans. I see his personality disorder and I pray that he would see it too...but he doesn't. He is letting Satan win, he is letting him use other people to drag him down.
Galatians 6 says "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3 If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. 4 Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, 5 for each one should carry their own load. 6 Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor.
My prayer today is that people who feel it is their job to judge others here on earth will look at the verse above where it says they should meet the person who is sinning where they are to help them walk away from the sin...it never says to use condemnation.
A good Christian friend that has mentored me for the past 12 years told me that Jesus never condemned the sinners that he came across. He treated them with love, pointing out the sins but showing his love. The only people he condemned were those who were telling others that they weren't living up to the laws they had set. I don't want to live my life hating all people, hating all books that don't meet a certain criteria, hating people who don't act like they are walking with Christ. I don't believe it is our job to point out who is or isn't following Christ. I don't believe it is our job at all. I believe our job is to love one another.....here are just a few verses that tell us we must love...
1.John 13:34
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
John 13:33-35 (in Context) John 13 (Whole Chapter)
2.John 13:35
By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
John 13:34-36 (in Context) John 13 (Whole Chapter)
3.Romans 12:10
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Romans 12:9-11 (in Context) Romans 12 (Whole Chapter)
4.Romans 13:8
[ Love Fulfills the Law ] Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.
Romans 13:7-9 (in Context) Romans 13 (Whole Chapter)
5.2 Corinthians 13:11
[ Final Greetings ] Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.
2 Corinthians 13:10-12 (in Context) 2 Corinthians 13 (Whole Chapter)
6.Galatians 5:13
[ Life by the Spirit ] You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh ; rather, serve one another humbly in love.
Galatians 5:12-14 (in Context) Galatians 5 (Whole Chapter)
7.Ephesians 4:2
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Ephesians 4:1-3 (in Context) Ephesians 4 (Whole Chapter)
8.1 Thessalonians 4:9
Now about your love for one another we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other.
I am tired of being sad. I am tired of feeling anger. I am tired of hurting and not being able to say how I feel. I am tired of double standards. I am tired of people talking about people behind their backs and being their best friends in their face. I am just tired. God has commanded us to love one another...and I plan to continue to do that. I plan to take the higher road and leave the hatred behind. I plan to remove distractions from my life that makes feel bad about myself. I plan to love because He first loved me!
It's been awhile since I wrote, I promised I would be better this year, but wow time just seems to fly. Sometimes I feel like I get so busy that I don't stop and give myself room to breathe....but then I think if I stop, it will give me time to think, time to ponder, time for Satan to get in my head and make me doubt....so I just keep going.
The Lord has blessed me with a good-paying job, it has been our saving grace for the past 10 years (as of May 30th). It has given me the chance to earn my Bachelors Degree. It has given me the chance to work from home and watch my children grow. It has given me great benefits. That is not to say I haven't worked hard to get where I am...I have, but I am so blessed to have a job....I just wish it was doing something I love. That is part of my problem I am having today...why can't I just be happy with what I have? Why isn't the ability to provide for my family enough? Why do I find myself wanting more? I know the answer doesn't lie in the actual job...it has to do with me, my soul, my circumstances, and not relying on God for my happiness. I have been here before, I hate here....I want to live without doubt and fear, anger and depression, jealousy and envy, and being discontent.
It is hard. Marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. Staying focused at work is hard. LIFE is hard. Friendships are hard. Being a Christian is hard. What? Being a Christian shouldn't be hard.....but it is. On one hand, as a Christian, you deal with people who call you Bible Thumpers, illogical, and not understanding why you choose to serve His church....then on the other hand, you have Christians walking beside you, judging you, condemning you for not living like Jesus. I honestly believe the latter is what is causing my discontent right now. I know I am not perfect. I struggle everyday. I struggle with finding quiet time with God, I struggle with finding time to read and study his word, I struggle with jealousy and envy and feelings of being inadequate. And because I struggle, I know my family also struggles, not necessarily because of me, but because I see them walking through this as well. I see men telling my husband he is not living up to the Bible because he doesn't work to support our family. I see people talking down to him when he needs to be picked up. I see him pushing everybody and everything away because it is easier to pretend he doesn't care then to be hurt yet again by us humans. I see his personality disorder and I pray that he would see it too...but he doesn't. He is letting Satan win, he is letting him use other people to drag him down.
Galatians 6 says "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3 If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. 4 Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, 5 for each one should carry their own load. 6 Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor.
My prayer today is that people who feel it is their job to judge others here on earth will look at the verse above where it says they should meet the person who is sinning where they are to help them walk away from the sin...it never says to use condemnation.
A good Christian friend that has mentored me for the past 12 years told me that Jesus never condemned the sinners that he came across. He treated them with love, pointing out the sins but showing his love. The only people he condemned were those who were telling others that they weren't living up to the laws they had set. I don't want to live my life hating all people, hating all books that don't meet a certain criteria, hating people who don't act like they are walking with Christ. I don't believe it is our job to point out who is or isn't following Christ. I don't believe it is our job at all. I believe our job is to love one another.....here are just a few verses that tell us we must love...
1.John 13:34
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
John 13:33-35 (in Context) John 13 (Whole Chapter)
2.John 13:35
By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
John 13:34-36 (in Context) John 13 (Whole Chapter)
3.Romans 12:10
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Romans 12:9-11 (in Context) Romans 12 (Whole Chapter)
4.Romans 13:8
[ Love Fulfills the Law ] Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.
Romans 13:7-9 (in Context) Romans 13 (Whole Chapter)
5.2 Corinthians 13:11
[ Final Greetings ] Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.
2 Corinthians 13:10-12 (in Context) 2 Corinthians 13 (Whole Chapter)
6.Galatians 5:13
[ Life by the Spirit ] You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh ; rather, serve one another humbly in love.
Galatians 5:12-14 (in Context) Galatians 5 (Whole Chapter)
7.Ephesians 4:2
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Ephesians 4:1-3 (in Context) Ephesians 4 (Whole Chapter)
8.1 Thessalonians 4:9
Now about your love for one another we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other.
I am tired of being sad. I am tired of feeling anger. I am tired of hurting and not being able to say how I feel. I am tired of double standards. I am tired of people talking about people behind their backs and being their best friends in their face. I am just tired. God has commanded us to love one another...and I plan to continue to do that. I plan to take the higher road and leave the hatred behind. I plan to remove distractions from my life that makes feel bad about myself. I plan to love because He first loved me!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
2011 is coming to a close....
Well, Christmas has come and gone and I can honestly say it was the best Christmas I have had in a long time.
I had big plans for the month of December, unfortunately, I ran out of time, energy, and money, but I did do several things that I had planned. On Friday night, the 23rd, after battling bronchitis for several days and working a strenuous 50 hours last week, I barely got off of work at 5:30, and made it over to the nursing home at 6:30 (which I never asked, but I think we may have been a little late). Thankfully, for Teresa's sake, she had lots of helpers and since I still had several errands to run, after spending a little time with some of the residents, we left and I made a few stops, took the boys home and went back out to finish Christmas shopping and grocery shopping for our normal 2 weeks worth of groceries. I didn't get home until after 12...but I was able to let 4 people cut in front of me, it didn't seem fair to make them wait when I had so much more then them.
After going to bed around 2, I got back up at 6:30 and Jeremy and I headed over to the church to pass out doughnuts and coffee. It didn't turn out as well as I thought it would when we signed up to go to the truck stop. Satan tried to bring me down, but in the end, we had a good time and we discussed ways to make it better next year. We were also able to take 12 dozen doughnuts with us when we left.....Alison, Wendy, and our families left at 10 to head over to the apartments. I love those kids with all of my heart, so I was so excited to be able to give them a small piece of love with the help of so many people (friends and people from the church). With donated toys, clothes, and money, we were able to give 11 families a box of food with enough food for a Christmas meal of ham, veggies, stuffing, potatoes, corn bread, and brownies, plus some food that was gathered for a food drive at Wendy's sister's preschool. We also got each kid - 29 of them, a bag of small gifts. Wendy presented the story about the birth of Jesus and did a edible snowman craft. Alison provided the story of his birth in spanish - a book for each family. They didn't come out as soon as we got there, so again Satan tried to work on my mind...but it didn't work, and the kiddos came, and we all had a wonderful time. They seemed to be really happy with everything, and I pray they were blessed and that they take to heart the good news that Wendy shared with them. We also had boxes of donated clothes, which they happily looked thruogh and found plenty to help them out! I was so blessed to be able to do this for them, with God behind me and with the help of friends and family.
I focused on families with children, but one man was out there and seemed to be waiting to see if we had anything for him. I felt terrible, so we gave him left over cookies and candy from the edible craft, but JC and I still felt bad, so we told him we would be back in a few hours. We took the boys home, had some lunch, and headed back at to brave the stores on Christmas Eve. We hit Aldis first and went back to deliver his box of food. JC was a little disappointed to see him and his friend smoking a blunt. I told him that God knew what was in our heart and this man would one day have to answer to God. JC got very emotional because that was him long ago. He has a heart to help people who struggle with drinking, drugs, pornograpy, and living in the ghetto. I orderd him the Man Up movie which just might help him. I also got him the Courageous book and he got me the Courageous books for women. From there, we went by the boys' friend's house to drop off the food and gifts we had got for them. Then we went to Lane Bryant, Walmart and finally made it back home.
Keydarius' mom called and said Keydarius had put some stuff together for us and they wanted to bring it by. His gifts were so thoughtful and heartfelt...he got me a picture frame with his picture when he was 4 or 5. He got JC a blanket, Jeremy a stuffed teddy bear with candy, Randall a 2-liter of Mountain Dew, and James a container of Cotton Candy. They were very thoughtful gifts and meant even more since I know they are short on money.
The boys each opened a gifts on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, I believe everybody got what they were asking for. JC and the boys were very generous and got me several books, a mani/pedi gift certificate, and embellishments to use for scrapbooking/stampin up.
After opening gifts, I made breakfast while JC got ready for church. We made it to church a little bit early and I handed out MOST of the cards I had made, but not all. I still have quite a few left. JC made me lunch in bed and they allowed me to lay in bed reading and resting for several hours until I got up to cook dinner. It was a wonderful 2 days.
On Monday, we drove down to Lexington, SC to see Amy and her kids. I was nervous and I found out that she was nervous too, but we had a really good time and I really enjoyed catching up with her. I am amazed how strong they are and how much they love being down here after all that has happened since they have relocated.
I am thankful for the reason we celebrate - the birth of Jesus Christ and that he later died on the cross for my sins. I am thankful for friends and family that truly love and care for me, even with my faults. As 2011 is winding down, I want to take time to reflect on what has happened this past year and make plans for the new year...plans to learn to relax. Plans to spend more time with my family. Plans to read more, plans to relax more, plans to craft more. PLANS TO BE IN MY BIBLE MORE! 2010 was the year of change, 2011 was the year of mourning, I pray 2012 will be the year of relaxing....
I had big plans for the month of December, unfortunately, I ran out of time, energy, and money, but I did do several things that I had planned. On Friday night, the 23rd, after battling bronchitis for several days and working a strenuous 50 hours last week, I barely got off of work at 5:30, and made it over to the nursing home at 6:30 (which I never asked, but I think we may have been a little late). Thankfully, for Teresa's sake, she had lots of helpers and since I still had several errands to run, after spending a little time with some of the residents, we left and I made a few stops, took the boys home and went back out to finish Christmas shopping and grocery shopping for our normal 2 weeks worth of groceries. I didn't get home until after 12...but I was able to let 4 people cut in front of me, it didn't seem fair to make them wait when I had so much more then them.
After going to bed around 2, I got back up at 6:30 and Jeremy and I headed over to the church to pass out doughnuts and coffee. It didn't turn out as well as I thought it would when we signed up to go to the truck stop. Satan tried to bring me down, but in the end, we had a good time and we discussed ways to make it better next year. We were also able to take 12 dozen doughnuts with us when we left.....Alison, Wendy, and our families left at 10 to head over to the apartments. I love those kids with all of my heart, so I was so excited to be able to give them a small piece of love with the help of so many people (friends and people from the church). With donated toys, clothes, and money, we were able to give 11 families a box of food with enough food for a Christmas meal of ham, veggies, stuffing, potatoes, corn bread, and brownies, plus some food that was gathered for a food drive at Wendy's sister's preschool. We also got each kid - 29 of them, a bag of small gifts. Wendy presented the story about the birth of Jesus and did a edible snowman craft. Alison provided the story of his birth in spanish - a book for each family. They didn't come out as soon as we got there, so again Satan tried to work on my mind...but it didn't work, and the kiddos came, and we all had a wonderful time. They seemed to be really happy with everything, and I pray they were blessed and that they take to heart the good news that Wendy shared with them. We also had boxes of donated clothes, which they happily looked thruogh and found plenty to help them out! I was so blessed to be able to do this for them, with God behind me and with the help of friends and family.
I focused on families with children, but one man was out there and seemed to be waiting to see if we had anything for him. I felt terrible, so we gave him left over cookies and candy from the edible craft, but JC and I still felt bad, so we told him we would be back in a few hours. We took the boys home, had some lunch, and headed back at to brave the stores on Christmas Eve. We hit Aldis first and went back to deliver his box of food. JC was a little disappointed to see him and his friend smoking a blunt. I told him that God knew what was in our heart and this man would one day have to answer to God. JC got very emotional because that was him long ago. He has a heart to help people who struggle with drinking, drugs, pornograpy, and living in the ghetto. I orderd him the Man Up movie which just might help him. I also got him the Courageous book and he got me the Courageous books for women. From there, we went by the boys' friend's house to drop off the food and gifts we had got for them. Then we went to Lane Bryant, Walmart and finally made it back home.
Keydarius' mom called and said Keydarius had put some stuff together for us and they wanted to bring it by. His gifts were so thoughtful and heartfelt...he got me a picture frame with his picture when he was 4 or 5. He got JC a blanket, Jeremy a stuffed teddy bear with candy, Randall a 2-liter of Mountain Dew, and James a container of Cotton Candy. They were very thoughtful gifts and meant even more since I know they are short on money.
The boys each opened a gifts on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, I believe everybody got what they were asking for. JC and the boys were very generous and got me several books, a mani/pedi gift certificate, and embellishments to use for scrapbooking/stampin up.
After opening gifts, I made breakfast while JC got ready for church. We made it to church a little bit early and I handed out MOST of the cards I had made, but not all. I still have quite a few left. JC made me lunch in bed and they allowed me to lay in bed reading and resting for several hours until I got up to cook dinner. It was a wonderful 2 days.
On Monday, we drove down to Lexington, SC to see Amy and her kids. I was nervous and I found out that she was nervous too, but we had a really good time and I really enjoyed catching up with her. I am amazed how strong they are and how much they love being down here after all that has happened since they have relocated.
I am thankful for the reason we celebrate - the birth of Jesus Christ and that he later died on the cross for my sins. I am thankful for friends and family that truly love and care for me, even with my faults. As 2011 is winding down, I want to take time to reflect on what has happened this past year and make plans for the new year...plans to learn to relax. Plans to spend more time with my family. Plans to read more, plans to relax more, plans to craft more. PLANS TO BE IN MY BIBLE MORE! 2010 was the year of change, 2011 was the year of mourning, I pray 2012 will be the year of relaxing....
Thursday, December 22, 2011
It's Christmas - How is that Possible?
This year has absolutely flown by. I can hardly believe it will be Christmas in just 3 days. We aren't traveling this weekend, but we did travel last weekend to go see my mom and sisters and niece and nephews. We had a really good time.
My mind has kind of gotten lost over the last couple of weeks. I am not sure where it went, but I would love to be able to find it again. I feel like I don't have any energy or "want to" anymore and I am getting way behind on everything. I was supposed to have the week off next week, but it doesn't look like that will happen now.
I am going to have next Monday off and will finally get to see my best friend from High School. She has moved down here to SC from PA. I am very excited for that. I am also very excited to go out to the apartments with the food and present boxes we have prepared. I love working at the apartments. I love the families. I love the kids. I love how the older kids watch the little kids. My heart is in a little run down neighborhood in Concord......BUT....
I have honestly been considering moving back home to VA. For the first time in the years we have been down here, I am very open to the idea. I think it would be awesome to be near some old friends....but JC doesn't want to leave our lease early....so I don't know what I will do when the time comes. For now, I am going to focus on getting through the rest of this year and then start thinking about where we are going from here.
I am so proud of all of my boys. They truly have a heart for Christ. I don't always recognize it, but they truly have good hearts and I don't tell them that enough. I am proud of them for always doing for other people...I wish they would do what we need done in the house without arguing...but I love that they will go Christmas caroling at nursing homes and then come home and write a post about it. I love that these residents in the homes touched their hearts enough to make them think and remember what the true reason for this season is. Without Christ there is no Christmas. I am so happy that they get it. We have a tree full of presents for them, I don't think that makes us bad parents. I don't judge anybody else for what they do....and I am really trying hard not to let others hurt me by how they judge us!
I pray that everybody has a holiday full of love, family, peace, joy, health, and happiness and that our Heavenly Father blesses you all incredibly as we celebrate the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Bobbie
My mind has kind of gotten lost over the last couple of weeks. I am not sure where it went, but I would love to be able to find it again. I feel like I don't have any energy or "want to" anymore and I am getting way behind on everything. I was supposed to have the week off next week, but it doesn't look like that will happen now.
I am going to have next Monday off and will finally get to see my best friend from High School. She has moved down here to SC from PA. I am very excited for that. I am also very excited to go out to the apartments with the food and present boxes we have prepared. I love working at the apartments. I love the families. I love the kids. I love how the older kids watch the little kids. My heart is in a little run down neighborhood in Concord......BUT....
I have honestly been considering moving back home to VA. For the first time in the years we have been down here, I am very open to the idea. I think it would be awesome to be near some old friends....but JC doesn't want to leave our lease early....so I don't know what I will do when the time comes. For now, I am going to focus on getting through the rest of this year and then start thinking about where we are going from here.
I am so proud of all of my boys. They truly have a heart for Christ. I don't always recognize it, but they truly have good hearts and I don't tell them that enough. I am proud of them for always doing for other people...I wish they would do what we need done in the house without arguing...but I love that they will go Christmas caroling at nursing homes and then come home and write a post about it. I love that these residents in the homes touched their hearts enough to make them think and remember what the true reason for this season is. Without Christ there is no Christmas. I am so happy that they get it. We have a tree full of presents for them, I don't think that makes us bad parents. I don't judge anybody else for what they do....and I am really trying hard not to let others hurt me by how they judge us!
I pray that everybody has a holiday full of love, family, peace, joy, health, and happiness and that our Heavenly Father blesses you all incredibly as we celebrate the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Bobbie
Friday, November 18, 2011
It's Hard to believe...and even harder to handle
Well, after 2 years of dealing with the bank, praying for a loan modification, leaving our house vacant, becoming OK with foreclosure, deciding to sell as a short sale, and praying for it all to end....it has finally ended, and all I want to do is cry. WHY? I thought I had put it to rest when we left a year and a half ago. I thought I no longer had to worry about my feelings about the house, but alas, since I heard that it was completed, my heart hurts. My mind can't fathom that somebody else is now fixing up and getting ready to move into the house that we loved so much.
I know in the end, everything on earth will burn. I know that by that time I will be with our Lord and Savior, and the house will mean nothing to me...but for today, it hurts...it is hard to believe, and at times even harder to handle. Contrary to some people's beliefs, even though it may be a "good thing", it is cutting me right to the bone. I don't think it is good, I am sad...I am angry that the bank wouldn't work with us, but I count it all as lost and pray that the bitterness I am feeling soon goes away.
I have lost friends during this trial, but I have also gained new friends. I have lost a dream home, but we moved to a neighborhood where I feel we belong at this moment. I have lost hope in this world, but I have hope in Jesus Christ. I feel we had to lose everything to get closer to Him....that makes me happy....getting there has been hard.
So where do we go from here? I hope we stay, sometimes I think it will be easier to go. I don't want to uproot the boys and move them away from their school and their friends, but is it worth the hurt and sadness, the look of giving up in my husband's eyes? We could tuck our tail in between our legs and go back home, but what will that solve? My mind is a mess tonight...I don't know what I want....I believe as long as Jesus is my heart, any decision we make will be the right one, but I also feel that God brought us here for a reason....before we relocate, my boss said to let him know....could I live in Kentucky?? I dunno....I really don't.
It's hard to believe it is finally over, it's harder to believe I feel it is harder to handle...LOL
I know in the end, everything on earth will burn. I know that by that time I will be with our Lord and Savior, and the house will mean nothing to me...but for today, it hurts...it is hard to believe, and at times even harder to handle. Contrary to some people's beliefs, even though it may be a "good thing", it is cutting me right to the bone. I don't think it is good, I am sad...I am angry that the bank wouldn't work with us, but I count it all as lost and pray that the bitterness I am feeling soon goes away.
I have lost friends during this trial, but I have also gained new friends. I have lost a dream home, but we moved to a neighborhood where I feel we belong at this moment. I have lost hope in this world, but I have hope in Jesus Christ. I feel we had to lose everything to get closer to Him....that makes me happy....getting there has been hard.
So where do we go from here? I hope we stay, sometimes I think it will be easier to go. I don't want to uproot the boys and move them away from their school and their friends, but is it worth the hurt and sadness, the look of giving up in my husband's eyes? We could tuck our tail in between our legs and go back home, but what will that solve? My mind is a mess tonight...I don't know what I want....I believe as long as Jesus is my heart, any decision we make will be the right one, but I also feel that God brought us here for a reason....before we relocate, my boss said to let him know....could I live in Kentucky?? I dunno....I really don't.
It's hard to believe it is finally over, it's harder to believe I feel it is harder to handle...LOL
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
So this is it....
It's been a busy month..busy packing, busy planning, busy making phone calls to set up utilities, busy crying, busy trying to tell myself that this is a new start, busy lying (to myself), busy worrying, busy walking and trying to eat better, busy working, busy watching James and Randall finish 7th grade and Jeremy finish 1st, busy living life, busy trying to put all of my faith, hope, and heart into the God who loves me, the God who created me, and the God who sent his ONLY Son to die for me....see if He could give me, a sinner, salvation by using his Son...I definitely should be able to give up a house!
I'm trying....today I feel like I am failing. Today I am having a pity party...but tomorrow is another day and I pray that tomorrow brings a better mood.
Tomorrow will be the last day I work from my home office in THIS house. Tomorrow will be the last night I sleep in THIS house. Tomorrow will be the last day I Tomorrow will be the last time I cook a meal in THIS house. Tomorrow will be the last day of owning my own home. Tomorrow my feelings of failure will come alive and the devil will try to make me feel bad...today I will cry...tomorrow I won't let him get me down.
I am sitting here wondering what prompted me to write today of all days when I am feeling so down....the only think I can come up with, is how I coped in high school. I coped by writing...I wrote journals, poems, short stories....anything made me feel better...so today I guess I am trying to remember this feeling, record it, and make myself feel better.
Today I am weak,
Tomorrow I will be strong,
I will walk away from this house,
That I have lived for so long.
I will give it to God,
I won't let Satan win,
I will be a better person,
I won't let him make me sin.
I won't let Satan tell me I have failed,
I won't let anyone see my tears,
I will let God deal with my worries,
I will let God deal with my fears.
I'm trying....today I feel like I am failing. Today I am having a pity party...but tomorrow is another day and I pray that tomorrow brings a better mood.
Tomorrow will be the last day I work from my home office in THIS house. Tomorrow will be the last night I sleep in THIS house. Tomorrow will be the last day I Tomorrow will be the last time I cook a meal in THIS house. Tomorrow will be the last day of owning my own home. Tomorrow my feelings of failure will come alive and the devil will try to make me feel bad...today I will cry...tomorrow I won't let him get me down.
I am sitting here wondering what prompted me to write today of all days when I am feeling so down....the only think I can come up with, is how I coped in high school. I coped by writing...I wrote journals, poems, short stories....anything made me feel better...so today I guess I am trying to remember this feeling, record it, and make myself feel better.
Today I am weak,
Tomorrow I will be strong,
I will walk away from this house,
That I have lived for so long.
I will give it to God,
I won't let Satan win,
I will be a better person,
I won't let him make me sin.
I won't let Satan tell me I have failed,
I won't let anyone see my tears,
I will let God deal with my worries,
I will let God deal with my fears.
Monday, May 31, 2010
A sad weekend...just a part of our new life!
Well....I'm going to blame my mood this weekend on "my monthly friend". It is easier to blame my tears on that than to accept the fact that I have cried a few times over MATERIAL posessions. I didn't think it would bother me that bad, but it did. Watching them tear apart first the trampoline, and then the dog kennel, then Jeremy's play set, and finally carry off our pool lounge chairs and table...was hard. Our backyard sits almost like it was the day we moved in. It bothered me. It made me sad. All the while, I am telling everyone and myself that they are just material posessions. They didn't make this house a home...we make it a home, and we will make our new place a home too.
I am praying fervently now for the Lord to be with us over the next month. I will need His strength...only his strength will do!
I am praying fervently now for the Lord to be with us over the next month. I will need His strength...only his strength will do!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Family Update
I have seriously thought about posting something several times over the past two months, but my emotions are going so wild, and I just never feel like doing it. I've been sad, depressed, happy, angry, nervous, scared, worried, but in the end, I shouldn't have gone through most of them. If I would have just sat it all on God's feet and kept living, I wouldn't have been so emotional. I know that he says to cast all our fears on Him, but it has taken me awhile. This experience is new to me.
What experience?? Well, we are about to walk away from the house we bought 4 years ago. We believed this house would be our home until the boys left for their own lives and we needed to downsize. There is alot about this house that we love. The backyard was always my "a little piece of Heaven here on earth". I loved listening to the birds, the lapping waters of our pool when it was on, sitting at our table rocking in one of the chairs that rocked with my eyes closed and just praising God for a beautiful day. We all loved the pool, JC probably the most, he doesn't like the heat at all and it was a place to chill out and chill off after a hard day at work. We tried to work with our mortgage company starting last August. JC had been out of work for 6 months and nothing promising looked to be coming up. We had gone through our savings, my bonus, our tax check, and the remainder of his money from selling his car and buying a pickup. It was all gone and we weren't sure how we were going to pay our bills. So we started the process. In September when we hadn't heard anything, we started looking for rental places, thinking they weren't going to be able to help us....then about a week before October started, we got the letters from both mortgage companies....The first put me on a trial period, where I paid a payment for 3 months. It was about $400 less than my original payment. The second cut my payment in half and it was legit right away, no trial payment needed (I think they saw the predictament they were in). So life went on, we stopped looking for rentals. We paid October, November, December payments on the trial...we heard nothing. We paid January and February and called....we still heard nothing. We paid March...I called again and escalated and told them I would make no more payments until we heard back from them with the papers. And I didn't. April 20th, I finally got through to somebody and he worked up the papers. He came back and the told me the papers were in the mail and what my payment would be. It was $150 more than the trial payments....and only $225 LESS than my original payment. With both mortgages, we would still be paying $1950 a month for house we couldn't even use the pool anymore because we couldn't afford to run the pump if we paid the mortgage. I asked him why it was different and he said they couldn't offer me the same interest rate as back in October...REALLY?? Whose fault is that? MINE??? Because you dragged your feet for 7 months?? I asked him what I should do and he told me "don't sign the papers"...so I didn't. I stopped making the payment on the 2nd mortgage, even though they went out of their way to help me....so here we are. Yesterday, I just put a down payment on a rental house. It's quite a bit smaller than what we have here, but we will survive. We are packing and getting rid of stuff that we don't love. We are selling everything that we put into this house...OUR HOUSE...because it isn't ours anymore. JC is very depressed. He feels this is his fault. I don't blame him. I think it is both of our faults for mismanaging money...but we have to move on. As I pack up, I seem to get more sad...but I don't want JC to know. I worry about him so I don't want to make him feel any worse. We will be fine as long as we are together. A house doesn't make the home, family makes the home.
We will be moving July 1st, after much thought, prayers, and searching all over, we decided to stay here in NC. Mainly because of the boys' braces but also because we have this great church family and I just can't imagine finding anything better than this family!
2010 has been the year of changes. I don't do well with changes. I'm trying to adjust. I've lost many dear friends and coworkers to layoffs. I've lost my house. I've lost a little bit of my heart....but I haven't lost Jesus. He is with me, and I know if I were to see only one set of footsteps, it isn't because He left me, but because He was carrying me through the tough parts.
WE WILL BE OKAY!
What experience?? Well, we are about to walk away from the house we bought 4 years ago. We believed this house would be our home until the boys left for their own lives and we needed to downsize. There is alot about this house that we love. The backyard was always my "a little piece of Heaven here on earth". I loved listening to the birds, the lapping waters of our pool when it was on, sitting at our table rocking in one of the chairs that rocked with my eyes closed and just praising God for a beautiful day. We all loved the pool, JC probably the most, he doesn't like the heat at all and it was a place to chill out and chill off after a hard day at work. We tried to work with our mortgage company starting last August. JC had been out of work for 6 months and nothing promising looked to be coming up. We had gone through our savings, my bonus, our tax check, and the remainder of his money from selling his car and buying a pickup. It was all gone and we weren't sure how we were going to pay our bills. So we started the process. In September when we hadn't heard anything, we started looking for rental places, thinking they weren't going to be able to help us....then about a week before October started, we got the letters from both mortgage companies....The first put me on a trial period, where I paid a payment for 3 months. It was about $400 less than my original payment. The second cut my payment in half and it was legit right away, no trial payment needed (I think they saw the predictament they were in). So life went on, we stopped looking for rentals. We paid October, November, December payments on the trial...we heard nothing. We paid January and February and called....we still heard nothing. We paid March...I called again and escalated and told them I would make no more payments until we heard back from them with the papers. And I didn't. April 20th, I finally got through to somebody and he worked up the papers. He came back and the told me the papers were in the mail and what my payment would be. It was $150 more than the trial payments....and only $225 LESS than my original payment. With both mortgages, we would still be paying $1950 a month for house we couldn't even use the pool anymore because we couldn't afford to run the pump if we paid the mortgage. I asked him why it was different and he said they couldn't offer me the same interest rate as back in October...REALLY?? Whose fault is that? MINE??? Because you dragged your feet for 7 months?? I asked him what I should do and he told me "don't sign the papers"...so I didn't. I stopped making the payment on the 2nd mortgage, even though they went out of their way to help me....so here we are. Yesterday, I just put a down payment on a rental house. It's quite a bit smaller than what we have here, but we will survive. We are packing and getting rid of stuff that we don't love. We are selling everything that we put into this house...OUR HOUSE...because it isn't ours anymore. JC is very depressed. He feels this is his fault. I don't blame him. I think it is both of our faults for mismanaging money...but we have to move on. As I pack up, I seem to get more sad...but I don't want JC to know. I worry about him so I don't want to make him feel any worse. We will be fine as long as we are together. A house doesn't make the home, family makes the home.
We will be moving July 1st, after much thought, prayers, and searching all over, we decided to stay here in NC. Mainly because of the boys' braces but also because we have this great church family and I just can't imagine finding anything better than this family!
2010 has been the year of changes. I don't do well with changes. I'm trying to adjust. I've lost many dear friends and coworkers to layoffs. I've lost my house. I've lost a little bit of my heart....but I haven't lost Jesus. He is with me, and I know if I were to see only one set of footsteps, it isn't because He left me, but because He was carrying me through the tough parts.
WE WILL BE OKAY!
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Spring Break 2010
We have been traveling for the past week. We left here before noon last Saturday - April 3rd and just got home this evening. We drove ALOT! We got an oil change the Thursday before we left and we are in need of another one in about 500 miles. So 7 nights, 8 days, 2500 miles, 9 states, we are finally home.

This picture makes me think about how big God truly is.
It was a long trip, mostly paid for by my job...but we still spent our fair share of money between gas, food, and souvenirs. The boys and JC got on each others nerves a little bit while they were stuck in the hotel between 7am and 12pm while I worked, but otherwise, we had a lot of fun.
On Saturday night we got in late, ordered pizza, and I took the boys down to the pool for a little bit. Sunday, we got up, ate breakfast and got on the road. We started out by going to Indianapolis, IN to the Indianapolis Speedway.

But after standing in line for a grounds tour for over an hour and not really getting anywhere, as a family we discussed our options...because had we continued to wait, we wouldn't make it to Nashville, TN to see Jeremy preach at his church's Easter Service. I was just frustrated enough to say we would forget about going there, when Randall got visibly upset and said that we had promised we would go. JC and I both conceded so we got out of line without ever even going into the museum, stopped for lunch and got on the road to Nashville. I didn't think about getting any pictures while I was there, but what I took away from there is far more priceless. Jeremy Rose at the Axis Church in Nashville, used to be the youth pastor at my church here in NC. He left about a year ago to plant a church in Nashville and this was his first Easter he ever preached. I am so glad we made it to see his sermon. I am glad because he taught me a lot. I have believed in my Lord Jesus my entire life, but I haven't always lived like I have. But the things he preached about were new to me and made such sense to my head and to my heart. I am glad we made it! (and thankful for the time difference between timezones).
We got home after midnight on Sunday, and Monday through Friday, I worked from 7am until 12 noon each day. After I got off, I would go pick up JC and the boys, and we would make our way to other places. Monday we hung out in Louisville, KY (I tried to teach JC to say Lou-uh-vul like I have heard so many people say, but he refused...until he started talking to somebody and it slipped out...SCORE! LOL. But anyway...we went to the Louisville Slugger Museum and the Glass Works Museum. Both were very interesting, but I had another moment while watching three men in the shop blowing glass.

Because it wasn't just about how it was being done...because that was amazing...but it was the story behind WHAT they were making. See the older guy came out of the room..I like to call it the sweat shop because it was well over 120 degrees in there. But the older man came out and started talking to JC and told him what they were making. The two younger boys were his sons. One is a doctor. The other a glass blower who has worked and learned under many people all over the country. But they worked together on this particular day to make an urn for their sister, this man's 28-year old daughter who died a week before from complications of Diabetes. This was their 2nd try because the first one didn't form correctly....and it was a hard, hot, amazing job being done by both of the boys and at one time (before the man came to talk to us)the glass blower son had his dad take a turn at blowing the glass...so they all had a small piece to do with making it....and so when they accomplished this and hugged...I cried...and I don't have a picture of the boys hugging because I cried and it took me a minute to realize what a special moment it was for them...and I don't need my camera to remember that moment because it is engraved on my heart. I did get a picture of the doctor son and the father hugging while the glass blower stood there looking very pleased. I didn't want to leave. It. Was. Amazing.

After we left there, we went to walk down by the Ohio River, then went back to car, crossed the Ohio River into Indiana and ate dinner at a restaurant that overlooked the river. We then went home and watched 24 and went to bed.
On Tuesday, we drove to Cincinnati, OH to a park that was closed (except on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday) but they still had some animals and the boys played on the playground for a little bit.

On Wednesday, we stayed in Kentucky and went to Kart Kountry. The boys and JC loved this day the best. It was very expensive but the rides/lines moved alot smoother than any place we have ever been...and I tell you what...watch out for Jeremy if you are ever in a car near him. That boy was out of control....he was a good driver, but did a little more bumping and running than a momma likes :-)

On Thursday, we drove 4+ hours to St. Louis, MO to see the arch. Seeing it was all we could do because by the time we got there, the tickets had all been sold out for the last ride up. I was bummed...but it was still an amazing site to see. After we left, we drove into Illinois and ate dinner at a steak restaurant and got back to the hotel around midnight again.



On Friday, we went to the Louisville zoo. It was a literal zoo in the parking lot when we got there, but inside it wasn't too bad. I liked the layout of the zoo and seeing that we were able to get in free with out zoo pass from our zoo here, I thought it was great. I felt bad for some of the animals...to me they all looked so sad and there were some pretty sad stories to go along with the animals. The 2 bald eagles they have apparently were both shot and are each missing a wing. I also heard that the new baby gorilla has already had a very tough life...from what I hear (and just confirmed here - http://www.courier-journal.com/article/20100409/NEWS01/4090351/Injured+baby+gorilla+at+Louisville+Zoo+getting+better)she was injured during a skirmish by her father. It sounds like she lost part of her leg and suffered a fracture. How sad....and I wonder what made the father snap like that. They are separated now and I didn't see any sign of the baby at all. I saw 3 gorillas-the one looked so sad/miserable...take a look:

And today...we drove home. We left around 9:30 and got home around 7. All in all it was a good week...now back to the real world.

This picture makes me think about how big God truly is.
It was a long trip, mostly paid for by my job...but we still spent our fair share of money between gas, food, and souvenirs. The boys and JC got on each others nerves a little bit while they were stuck in the hotel between 7am and 12pm while I worked, but otherwise, we had a lot of fun.
On Saturday night we got in late, ordered pizza, and I took the boys down to the pool for a little bit. Sunday, we got up, ate breakfast and got on the road. We started out by going to Indianapolis, IN to the Indianapolis Speedway.

But after standing in line for a grounds tour for over an hour and not really getting anywhere, as a family we discussed our options...because had we continued to wait, we wouldn't make it to Nashville, TN to see Jeremy preach at his church's Easter Service. I was just frustrated enough to say we would forget about going there, when Randall got visibly upset and said that we had promised we would go. JC and I both conceded so we got out of line without ever even going into the museum, stopped for lunch and got on the road to Nashville. I didn't think about getting any pictures while I was there, but what I took away from there is far more priceless. Jeremy Rose at the Axis Church in Nashville, used to be the youth pastor at my church here in NC. He left about a year ago to plant a church in Nashville and this was his first Easter he ever preached. I am so glad we made it to see his sermon. I am glad because he taught me a lot. I have believed in my Lord Jesus my entire life, but I haven't always lived like I have. But the things he preached about were new to me and made such sense to my head and to my heart. I am glad we made it! (and thankful for the time difference between timezones).
We got home after midnight on Sunday, and Monday through Friday, I worked from 7am until 12 noon each day. After I got off, I would go pick up JC and the boys, and we would make our way to other places. Monday we hung out in Louisville, KY (I tried to teach JC to say Lou-uh-vul like I have heard so many people say, but he refused...until he started talking to somebody and it slipped out...SCORE! LOL. But anyway...we went to the Louisville Slugger Museum and the Glass Works Museum. Both were very interesting, but I had another moment while watching three men in the shop blowing glass.

Because it wasn't just about how it was being done...because that was amazing...but it was the story behind WHAT they were making. See the older guy came out of the room..I like to call it the sweat shop because it was well over 120 degrees in there. But the older man came out and started talking to JC and told him what they were making. The two younger boys were his sons. One is a doctor. The other a glass blower who has worked and learned under many people all over the country. But they worked together on this particular day to make an urn for their sister, this man's 28-year old daughter who died a week before from complications of Diabetes. This was their 2nd try because the first one didn't form correctly....and it was a hard, hot, amazing job being done by both of the boys and at one time (before the man came to talk to us)the glass blower son had his dad take a turn at blowing the glass...so they all had a small piece to do with making it....and so when they accomplished this and hugged...I cried...and I don't have a picture of the boys hugging because I cried and it took me a minute to realize what a special moment it was for them...and I don't need my camera to remember that moment because it is engraved on my heart. I did get a picture of the doctor son and the father hugging while the glass blower stood there looking very pleased. I didn't want to leave. It. Was. Amazing.

After we left there, we went to walk down by the Ohio River, then went back to car, crossed the Ohio River into Indiana and ate dinner at a restaurant that overlooked the river. We then went home and watched 24 and went to bed.
On Tuesday, we drove to Cincinnati, OH to a park that was closed (except on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday) but they still had some animals and the boys played on the playground for a little bit.

On Wednesday, we stayed in Kentucky and went to Kart Kountry. The boys and JC loved this day the best. It was very expensive but the rides/lines moved alot smoother than any place we have ever been...and I tell you what...watch out for Jeremy if you are ever in a car near him. That boy was out of control....he was a good driver, but did a little more bumping and running than a momma likes :-)

On Thursday, we drove 4+ hours to St. Louis, MO to see the arch. Seeing it was all we could do because by the time we got there, the tickets had all been sold out for the last ride up. I was bummed...but it was still an amazing site to see. After we left, we drove into Illinois and ate dinner at a steak restaurant and got back to the hotel around midnight again.



On Friday, we went to the Louisville zoo. It was a literal zoo in the parking lot when we got there, but inside it wasn't too bad. I liked the layout of the zoo and seeing that we were able to get in free with out zoo pass from our zoo here, I thought it was great. I felt bad for some of the animals...to me they all looked so sad and there were some pretty sad stories to go along with the animals. The 2 bald eagles they have apparently were both shot and are each missing a wing. I also heard that the new baby gorilla has already had a very tough life...from what I hear (and just confirmed here - http://www.courier-journal.com/article/20100409/NEWS01/4090351/Injured+baby+gorilla+at+Louisville+Zoo+getting+better)she was injured during a skirmish by her father. It sounds like she lost part of her leg and suffered a fracture. How sad....and I wonder what made the father snap like that. They are separated now and I didn't see any sign of the baby at all. I saw 3 gorillas-the one looked so sad/miserable...take a look:

And today...we drove home. We left around 9:30 and got home around 7. All in all it was a good week...now back to the real world.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Where does the time go?
So it's been awhile since I have been here and so much has happened. It is weird how a period of time can feel like it has taken forever but also that it flew by.
On February 5th, I started traveling for my job. February 5th was my first flight and today was my last. 10 flights in five weeks - WOW! 24 nights away from my family. 24 days of eating out. Many many hours of Over time. It's been a long month....but it seemed to fly.
I have become a seasoned flier. Before February I had only been on 2 planes...one on the way to Chicago and the other back home from Chicago 10 YEARS AGO!! So 2 in 33years....10 in 5 weeks...I think I did good. Last week I was given the chance to have a window seat. I watched out the window the whole time. It was amazingly spectacular to be up in the sky and see endless clouds and miles and miles of open space. It was breathtaking and made me appreciate God's marvelousness (is that a word??).
Things are changing in my job, in my church, in my family...I don't do well with change, but I feel I am coping. We will see where things lead us in the next year. I want to simplify. I want to get rid of material things and live for God.
I finish school in 2 weeks and 2 days. After 5 long years I will finally have my degree. Like I said, changes are coming...I hope I can keep up!
On February 5th, I started traveling for my job. February 5th was my first flight and today was my last. 10 flights in five weeks - WOW! 24 nights away from my family. 24 days of eating out. Many many hours of Over time. It's been a long month....but it seemed to fly.
I have become a seasoned flier. Before February I had only been on 2 planes...one on the way to Chicago and the other back home from Chicago 10 YEARS AGO!! So 2 in 33years....10 in 5 weeks...I think I did good. Last week I was given the chance to have a window seat. I watched out the window the whole time. It was amazingly spectacular to be up in the sky and see endless clouds and miles and miles of open space. It was breathtaking and made me appreciate God's marvelousness (is that a word??).
Things are changing in my job, in my church, in my family...I don't do well with change, but I feel I am coping. We will see where things lead us in the next year. I want to simplify. I want to get rid of material things and live for God.
I finish school in 2 weeks and 2 days. After 5 long years I will finally have my degree. Like I said, changes are coming...I hope I can keep up!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Book Review: Time for Grace by Kate Welsh
I used to love to read all the time when I was younger. School, work, house, family, errands, and just life seem to get in the way...but lately, I have been reading a lot. This book, Time for Grace was very good and I finished it in about 3 hours this morning. I cried many times through the book because alot of the feelings in the book made me remember some old feelings from my childhood. I am going to write a LONG quote...almost a whole page below because it hit me in my face so hard, I had re-read it several times..this is a good short love inspired book and is a great read for those who love reading Christian romances.
"whatever your answer is, whatever theirs is, you have to let go of your portion of this. You need to pray for them. You have to forgive them before your anger moves to hate. Anger and hate are both destructive emotions. They drag us down and only serve to separate us God and His will for us. Forgive them and then move on with your life so you can be the good parent that the Father would have you be."
"What may help is for you to remember that ultimately God is your Father. Not the man who you feel forgot his duty to you. Embrace that thought. Your Father in Heaven wants all good for you the way a father should. He sent good people into your life all along when yours parents' decisions kept them out of it."
YES!
"whatever your answer is, whatever theirs is, you have to let go of your portion of this. You need to pray for them. You have to forgive them before your anger moves to hate. Anger and hate are both destructive emotions. They drag us down and only serve to separate us God and His will for us. Forgive them and then move on with your life so you can be the good parent that the Father would have you be."
"What may help is for you to remember that ultimately God is your Father. Not the man who you feel forgot his duty to you. Embrace that thought. Your Father in Heaven wants all good for you the way a father should. He sent good people into your life all along when yours parents' decisions kept them out of it."
YES!
Monday, January 25, 2010
Book Review: For One More Day
Well, I just finisehd another book from Mitch Albom. It was good and I couldn't put it down. It is said to know that many of us, including me, don't treat people right during our lives..I don't know what I think or what I need to change...I am still processing the book.....it is ironic that I am reading this book today when I am having a personal issue in my life that hits close to this story. I will say this is a good read and would recommend it to friends and family. I am trying hard to process the information but for now, I am going to remind myself a few quotes from the book.
"Divorce comes from the word 'divertere' which means to divert....All divorce does is divert you, taking you away from everything you thought you knew and everything you thought you wanted and steering you into all kinds of other stuff..."
"You have to work at marriage together and you have to love three things. You need to love each other, your children, your marriage. What I meant by that last one is, there may be times that you fight, and sometimes you and her won't even like each other, but those are the times you have to love your marriage. It's like a third party. Look at your wedding photos. Look at any memories you've made. And if you believe in those memories, they will pull you back together." - letter from Chick's mom that was found in his personal belongings after he died.
"I also believe that parents, if they love you, will hold you up safely, above the swirling waters, and sometimes that means you'll never know what they endured, and you may treat them unkindly, in a way you otherwise wouldn't. But there's a story behind everything....Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begins."
"Divorce comes from the word 'divertere' which means to divert....All divorce does is divert you, taking you away from everything you thought you knew and everything you thought you wanted and steering you into all kinds of other stuff..."
"You have to work at marriage together and you have to love three things. You need to love each other, your children, your marriage. What I meant by that last one is, there may be times that you fight, and sometimes you and her won't even like each other, but those are the times you have to love your marriage. It's like a third party. Look at your wedding photos. Look at any memories you've made. And if you believe in those memories, they will pull you back together." - letter from Chick's mom that was found in his personal belongings after he died.
"I also believe that parents, if they love you, will hold you up safely, above the swirling waters, and sometimes that means you'll never know what they endured, and you may treat them unkindly, in a way you otherwise wouldn't. But there's a story behind everything....Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begins."
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