Well, I don't have many thoughts running through my head today. I took a 800 mg Motrin last night and was asleep by 11 and slept through until 6 - I think that is the first 7-hour straight sleep I have had in a long while! Maybe that is why I am not feeling so down in the dumps today...
I have been on a roll posting on here, so I didn't want to stop while I have been doing so well. Spring Break for the boys is almost over. It hasn't been too bad. Jeremy and I worked on some of his Gold requirements for his AWANA program so I am glad that we have a good start. I am trying to get him to do as many of them as I can this week while he is off. I am hoping he is able to finish all of it.
I have some good kids! They annoy me sometimes (on purpose at times), but they are smart, and funny, and so good (at least outside of the house)....I am proud of them for the work they do in AWANA and for the church. I hope that doesn't diminish as they get older. I wish I had served God my entire life. I wish I had the opportunity to have the church family that they have when I was there age....I truly believe things would have been so different...don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my husband and my kids, but I just wish I had gotten here following God instead of running from Him.
I have learned so much about myself over the past 4 years. I have learned that I did what I did as a teenager because I was looking for my father's love. I felt that I needed to replace my eartly father's love, when all I had to do was rely on my Heavenly Father's love and mercy. Now if only I could understand that with the forgiveness of my sins by what Jesus did on the cross for me, that he has forgiven me, so I should be able to forgive myself for the way I strayed. I need to forgive myself or I will never be able to move forward.
Well...I didn't think I had much to say, but it seems to just keep coming out. One day, I hope that I am able to help other people - if I could do it by my writing, that would be awesome...but I have this terrible feeling that one day, God is going to ask me to speak to ladies or girls who have gone through what I have. If this is what He is calling me to do, I know I have to follow, but where I am today....I don't know how that will ever happen. I freak out when a microphone is handed to me. I blush blood red if I even have to just introduce myself to a group of ladies in a small group setting. I have a lot of growing to do no matter what He is going to expect of me. But I will do whatever He calls me to do until I enter into His Heavenly home.
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