It's Hard to believe...and even harder to handle

Well, after 2 years of dealing with the bank, praying for a loan modification, leaving our house vacant, becoming OK with foreclosure, deciding to sell as a short sale, and praying for it all to end....it has finally ended, and all I want to do is cry. WHY? I thought I had put it to rest when we left a year and a half ago. I thought I no longer had to worry about my feelings about the house, but alas, since I heard that it was completed, my heart hurts. My mind can't fathom that somebody else is now fixing up and getting ready to move into the house that we loved so much.

I know in the end, everything on earth will burn. I know that by that time I will be with our Lord and Savior, and the house will mean nothing to me...but for today, it hurts...it is hard to believe, and at times even harder to handle. Contrary to some people's beliefs, even though it may be a "good thing", it is cutting me right to the bone. I don't think it is good, I am sad...I am angry that the bank wouldn't work with us, but I count it all as lost and pray that the bitterness I am feeling soon goes away.

I have lost friends during this trial, but I have also gained new friends. I have lost a dream home, but we moved to a neighborhood where I feel we belong at this moment. I have lost hope in this world, but I have hope in Jesus Christ. I feel we had to lose everything to get closer to Him....that makes me happy....getting there has been hard.

So where do we go from here? I hope we stay, sometimes I think it will be easier to go. I don't want to uproot the boys and move them away from their school and their friends, but is it worth the hurt and sadness, the look of giving up in my husband's eyes? We could tuck our tail in between our legs and go back home, but what will that solve? My mind is a mess tonight...I don't know what I want....I believe as long as Jesus is my heart, any decision we make will be the right one, but I also feel that God brought us here for a reason....before we relocate, my boss said to let him know....could I live in Kentucky?? I dunno....I really don't.

It's hard to believe it is finally over, it's harder to believe I feel it is harder to handle...LOL