Scrapbook Thursday

OKAY...so obviously it is Friday...but in my defense I was really feeling under the weather yesterday....feeling much better today and hoping I can still link to Christine's blog. Trying to remember to do this makes me excited to WANT to do more scrapbooking!

I am still working on the boys' cub scout books, but thought I would show a book that I completed last year. This is my childhood book and I am so glad I was able to get it done....here are a few shots from birth through high school. (In order from the bottom: My Baptism folder and envelope of first hair cut, pictures of me as a baby, Florida vacation when I was in 4th grade and we were still a family, Teeball pictures - softball was my life back then, High school softball picture of my sophomore year when I made the Varsity team...the starting line up was me and 8 seniors, I cried when they told me I was moving up but now I look back and can see what an honor that was, Awards page which held all of my softball stats and awards and report cards for High School, Prom pictures, and my senior pictures...I couldn't afford to actually buy pictures, so I just kept my proofs and used them:-)

Cub Scout Scrapbooks

I haven't scrapbooked in about 6 months...I have been working on Christmas presents and promised in the New Year I would focus on getting some stuff cleared out....well last weekend I got to it and started working on James and Randall's Cub Scout scrapbooks...keep in mind that they have been out of scouts since 2008..so to say I am SLIGHTLY behind would be an understatement. I don't normally write blogs about what I am working on, but since Christine is doing a Blog Gallery I thought it would be something neat to do (and I could use one of the pictures I took for my 365 project as well...so I am killing two birds with one stone....here are a few pictures of what I have been up to:

A Giveaway

I have alot to say...but little time today....so I will be back eventually...just wanted to post this so I can get a chance to win one of these...I never win anything...but I want to try...it looks AWESOME!

Jen at 11th Heaven's Homemaking Haven, 365 Days of TV-Free Toddler Time, and Mega-Family Blogs is giving away a flippin' waffle maker...

To enter, go HERE!!

Looking ahead for 2010

So it is now January of 2010, and I have been doing a bit of soul searching this past week. It is amazing what can get done when this computer isn't hooked to you. I have read 9 books this week while I have been off. I love to read, but always seem to put it on the back burner. I don't really do resolutions...but this year, I want to do some stuff that will make me a better person...mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually....so I thought I would make a list that I can look back at throughout the year and check up on myself to see how I am doing. I may add to this list later, but for now, this is what I am thinking...

1. Drinking more water
2. Eating less sweets
3. Making sure I brush my teeth TWICE a day and using lotion on my skin
4. Getting closer to God by reading His word
5. Writing more (poems, stories, journals)
6. Reading more
7. Graduate college
8. Spend less money on junk and more on reducing debt
9. Stop letting envy into my heart
10. Spend less time reading (and crying) over blogs
11. Spend more time writing on my blog
12. Post one picture every day on my Project 365 blog
13. Scrapbooking, scrapbooking, scrapbooking (I am focusing on this this year)
14. Learn how to deal with change
15. Work on hats, scarves, and quilts to sell
16. Make glass etchings EARLY as gifts for Christmas
17. Walk/exercise more
18. Do the 30-day shread at least twice
19. Work on the Wii Fit at least twice a week
20. Walk in a 31-mile walk in May
21. Volunteer to help people who are worse off than me
22. Devote time to reduce clutter
23. No longer using gas cards for snacks (will save money and weight)
24. Spend less time on the computer
25. Spend more time with my family
26. Find free/cheap activities for us to do as a family
27. Implement a family game night
28. Learn to say no when necessary for my sanity
29. Learn to pray out loud
30. BE FEARLESS in 2010, give it to the Lord more
31. More to come........

Like I said, these aren't really resolutions, but just some stuff I want to strive for this year. If I do them...GREAT...if not, no worries....I want to look back in a year and see an improvement in myself. I want to be happy with who I am. I want to love unconditionally and share the blessings that I have. I want to feel blessed and not depressed. I want to be who I am supposed to be, learn my potential and learn what God has in store for me.

Some Pictures over the last month or two

Tomorrow starts the Project 365...lets hope I stick with it longer than I did last year. I will definitely take 1 picture a day, but I can't promise to post one everyday...is that fair?? LOL as if I can answer myself!!

Anyway...here are a few pictures from Thanksgiving to now!

Christmas Eve and all through the house.........

Well, it is Christmas Eve. Hard to believe how fast it came around. I have been so focused on getting my quilts done, I still have 3 hats to make but I just can't seem to find the energy to WANT to do them. I feel like I am getting depressed and I am trying to stop that from happening. I know that there are soooooo many people out there in far worse situations than us and so for that reason, I try to just forget my problems. I am trying but I seem to be failing.

We have paid the mortgages on time for the past 3 months....but it has virtually left us with not but a few dollars in our pockets (which scares me because if one of us gets sick).....but on to something else. Looks like January's payment on the first mortgage is going to be late. I don't see any other way. I thought once the New Year started, we would be in a better position...that was until I found out that the Federal Government says Sallie Mae can't give me the full amount of money for the FINAL quarter of school. So I am stuck...paying $250 out of pocket for my text books, and making 3 payments of $150 to cover my classes, oh and the $120 fee to get my diploma....it all seems so unfair...but like I said I know other people have it worse.

I am blessed to have a job, a house, clothes (even though most have holes in them), shoes, food, a husband, 3 healthy kids, and even a dog and 2 cats. I want to get out of this funk I am in. I want to do something to make this world a better place. I think about that song alot...not sure what the title is, but it says, "How can I further your Kingdom, when I'm so wrapped up in mine?" WOW...that is exactly how I feel. I want to forget my problems exist and do something, but I don't know how. I keep thinking our best option would be to let the house go. It is dragging us down and I am starting to wonder why we continue to fight so hard to keep something that is only hurting us.

Oh....I don't know if it is good or bad news. JC feels like I am going places (without him). I don't know if he means physically or literally, but I feel bad for him for feeling that way. He has had a hard life and he can't get past it....anyway I digress...I just found out this past Monday, I will be expected to travel back and forth to Kentucky all of February and 1/2 of March to train....basically it means that I will be taking a TEAM LEAD position (I wonder if it will come with a raise??)since my team lead now is taking a manager position. I will be in charge of training....this thought is hard for me in a couple of ways. First I have only flew once...ONCE...and that was back before I decided on my own never to drink again...so I had a Strawberry Dauquiri before I got on the plane...so now I am going to be flying TWICE a week for 6 weeks...that is a little bit of a shock to this girl who never leaves home. Second, I am not an outgoing sort of person...so to be in charge of training (even though it is only 2 people) is scary to me. Third, I will be away from the boys and JC and I am not sure how that is going to go for me or for them. Fourth, IF JC finds a job between now and then, what will I do with the kids?? And if he doesn't find a job between now and then, we might as well start packing, because we have already agreed if he doesn't find a job by March, we have no choice but to let it go..........so maybe all of these thoughts are what is making me so melancholy. I don't know....but it's Christmas Eve and I say enough is enough.

Last night I read, played Battleship, and started a puzzle with Jeremy. It was fun. I also found this book at the Library called 365 Afterschool Activities for TV-Free Fun for Kids Ages 7-12 (thanks to the idea of MOM2MY9 who does a blog about TV-Free Fun for Toddlers). While I was finishing up my work yesterday so I can be off the rest of the year, Jeremy was lonely since his brothers were at a sleepover...so I got out the book and let him do Newspaper dancing. When I read it, I thought, heck no, that will make a mess...but quickly I said, who cares. I read him the instructions, helped him set up his square newspaper floor, and let him have it. He jumped, hopped, did the worm, wadded the paper up, threw the paper, shredded the paper and made confetti (BIG CONFETTI NOT THE SMALL KIND)and threw it over his head. WOW...he made me laugh, he laughed himself, and it kept him busy for about 10 minutes...when the fun was over, he even cleaned up himself with only 2 reminders from Mom. So yesterday, was okay....upsetting about school but made so much better by this little boy who just finds the absolute joy in everything he does.

So now where does that leave me...well I have the next 11 days off of work and no traveling to do. WOW..that never happens!! So, if it isn't too terribly cold, we are going to check out the SC zoo. We have never been, it is free since we have a yearly pass to all zoos, we will pack a lunch so it won't cost us anything but gas. We are going to implement a game night in 2010. My husband and I have resolved to stop using our gas cards as a way to get snacks and sodas..which I hope will help us lose weight AND save money. I am going to spend as much time as I can with my kids this week since they aren't in school and I'm not working and then on January 4th...I will start planning on how to tackle our debt...oh yeah it is time to get out there and start our 3-mile walk today. I have been doing good with the 3-mile walks on Tuesdays and Thursdays and I usually get one WEEKEND day in but it seems I have never gotten both days in...humm got to work on that...oh and if I end up in Kentucky..>I will need to change my schedule around, because if I am only going to see the boys for 2 days a week, I am NOT going to be spending a couple hours out walking without them.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to us all! Remember - Jesus is the Reason for the Season!!

It's in the Valleys I Grow

Sometimes life seems hard to bear,
Full of sorrow, trouble and woe
It's then I have to remember
That it's in the valleys I grow.

If I always stayed on the mountain top
And never experienced pain,
I would never appreciate God's love
And would be living in vain.

I have so much to learn
And my growth is very slow,
Sometimes I need the mountain tops,
But it's in the valleys I grow.

I do not always understand
Why things happen as they do,
But I am very sure of one thing.
My Lord will see me through.


My little valleys are nothing
When I picture Christ on the cross
He went through the valley of death;
His victory was Satan's loss.

Forgive me Lord, for complaining
When I'm feeling so very low.
Just give me a gentle reminder
That it's in the valleys I grow.

Continue to strengthen me, Lord
And use my life each day
To share your love with others
And help them find their way.

Thank you for valleys, Lord
For this one thing I know
The mountain tops are glorious
But it's in the valleys I grow!



(This poem was written by Jane Eggleston who currently lives in Virginia. Her son Jeff states, "She is a wonderful person, loves Jesus and has been the best mother anyone could ever ask for." What a fitting tribute to any mother.)

Why do I care, why do I let it bother me?

Well first of all, it's been a few days or more....what's new - right?? It has been several days of very cold weather. We were at Lazy 5 Ranch yesterday with Jeremy's class and it was freezing but really fun! I will try to post a few pictures when I get a chance. One little girl that I just love (and was in his class last year too), fell off the back of the wagon and I just felt so bad for her. She was probably petrified, considering she was in the middle of a field with tons of animals. The wagon driver didn't hear and kept going, it took several shouts for him to finally stop. Mrs. Womack held her while she cried....I guess days like that make me think about my old desire to be a teacher....to be able to help kids learn and make them feel better. But then reality sits in, and I realize that although I love kids, I couldn't do it ALL DAY, EVERY DAY!

I have done good getting back on the wagon with walking this week (no pun intended, lol). So Far I have done 11 miles and am scheduled to do 6 more tomorrow. I just finished 5 this evening and my feet were SORRRRRE when I got back home. I can't wait until I can afford another pair of shoes. I will probably need 2 pairs between now and May.

I took the boys to the orthodontist yesterday. The guy is new here in NC, but has had a practice up in Boston for the past 11. Everybody was wonderful, the place is amazing and even has a game room and PSPs at each dental chair (the boys were THRILLED). I wasn't too thrilled with the price, but he is about the cheapest I have found, and is willing to TRY to work out some payment arrangements. I was hoping to pay off our Lowes bill with my first tuition reimbursement check, but it looks like I will be giving him a down payment so we can get started. The boys teeth are a bit more jacked up then I thought. SIGH.

Wondering about my Title of this blog yet??? LOL....it was the first thing that came to my mind, but before I expanded I wanted to give myself an account for the last couple days of my life. I have to do stuff when I think about it, or its gone from memory. My mom calls it SOMETIMERS....sounds about right!

I have a pretty BAD knack of letting EARTHLY things get to me. I know I need to lay it all at the feet of the cross and stop worrying about it, but it seems my mind doesn't udnerstand that too well. I experience greed, jealously, anger, and I say to myself DON'T and I can't stop. I feel like I am missing out on THINGS, and wonder WHY? Why don't they invite me? Why am I not part of their "thing". And then I wonder WHY? Why do I care? We are only here for a small moment and eternity will be everything I WANT and NEED down here and don't get. So why do those feelings of inadequacy and envy keep coming? Why do I care? Why do I let it bother me?

Finally, I just want to say how heart-broken I am for Hannah Grace's family. I have been following her mom's blogs for a month or more and was checking several times a day for updates. It amazes me how her mom seems to be offering us her heart and soul and even in her darkest days seems to be trying to comfort us, when we should be comforting her. I want my walk with Christ to be that strong. I want to know that even in my darkest hour I will still call out Jesus' name and fall on my knees and know that everything will be okay. Thank you for showing us God's grace during the most difficult time and thank you for showing us your faith..I can't wait to meet Hannah face to face one day when my life ends and my eternity begins!

Okay...I have to go and get my quilts done and my paper done that is due tomorrow...uggh!!

MckMama Giveaway

WOW - I don't normally try to win free stuff because, well, because I don't usually win...but I don't want to pass this one up just in case.....lets say I do win....WOWZER. I would love to have this computer that MckMama is advertising, and I am pretty sure you might want it to....so go ahead, give it a try. Go to http://mckgiveaways.blogspot.com/2009/12/hp-touchsmart-giveaway.html and enter yourself. And if you win from seeing on my blog (which I doubt is possible, since it is just me), maybe you can let me play with it once or twice!! LOL

The Walk, Being Sick, and just Catching Up

Well, I agreed to do the walk with Michaela and think it will do great to help me get some of these excess pounds off. The first week I did great and walked all 4 required days for a total of 13 miles. The second week was Thanksgiving and it started off OK. I walked the 3 on Tuesday and the 4 on Thursday (which was Thanksgiving and I was very proud of myself) but shortly after that I started feeling pretty bad. By saturday when I was supposed to walk again, I could barely breathe or walk...so I sat out that day...and the next...and I haven't started back yet. In my defense when I got to the Urgent Care, I did have an ear infection in both ears (with pus in my ear) on top of the coughing, sneezing, sore throat, achy, chills, just to name a few. I am starting to feel better but am still having a hard time breathing and coughing...so I decided to take this week off and start over next week. I go back to the doctor tomorrow, so hopefully all will be well.

Thanksgiving turned out really nice and I am glad we went, I just hope I didn't get anybody else sick. Christmas is right around the corner and I am hoping to get my energy back sooner than later so I can finish up the hats and quilts I am making for Christmas. I am hoping everybody will be coming here and we won't need to travel this year...we'll see.

I am working on getting my end of the year appraisal done that is due tomorrow. And I am behind on my bible reading and Homework...so I am going to drop off now and will try to come back in a day or two.

Just some crazy thoughts

Jeremy at the Bass Pro Shop

It's only been a couple of days or maybe a week this time. I thought I would try to write a little about what is going on now.

There is one week until Thanksgiving and a 5 weeks until Christmas, time is FLYING!
We are going to go to Kim's/Mom's house next Thursday for 2 days. JC may have gotten a job during the nights, so we will either be home late Friday night or early Saturday.

TJ is turning one this weekend, Maddy will be 3 next week, Jack just turned 10. Earvin is 16 and troubles my heart....I wish he would go home, but that is a whole other post. Robbie is going to be 18...that is crazy!!! Jeremy is 6 and in the first grade and the boys are 12 going on 30 and in the 7th grade. Where does time go?? I wish it was easier to live....so we could enjoy the boys more and worry less.

Michaela called me last week and asked me to walk in a MS walk in MD in May...only 31 miles over 2 days. At first I told her she was crazy, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought if I did this and followed the training schedule, I may get in shape...so I agreed....what was I thinking?? I started yesterday and JC and I walked 3 miles. So I am excited about that.

Stellan (from McMama's website) had an ablation surgery last week and is completely SVT free...but Hannah (another blog I read)is doing worse....I get so sad reading and I have been trying to stop myself...usually I just try to go to the MAIN ones just to check in on how they are doing.

I think Mandy had the baby last night, but haven't been able to confirm that yet....got to run and get some work done. Will try to post more in a bit!

Things are moving....

My mom's quilt (wall hanging) for Christmas


Mandy's quilt and matching pillow


Mandy's blanket and matching pillow


One side of Mandy's tissue box cover


The other side of Mandy's tissue box cover


Hats for Mandy's baby

Well I thought I would definitely write more, but I feel like I keep running out of time. We got loan modifications for both of our loans, it isn't a quick fix but it is helping for the moment. Do I still worry - sure. Do I still feel sick all the time - oh yeah! But I am trying to let it just roll off. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!!

JC is struggling now with his self-esteem. He hasn't been able to find a job since March and he is feeling worthless, angry, scared, and I am sure many more things...he doesn't handle his feelings very well. He is blaming God and that makes me so sad. He was a changed person and he has completely backslid and I don't know how to help him. All I know is I won't give up on him! I won't!!

Report cards came out last week. Jeremy is doing great as a first grader. He is so smart (just like his brothers) and he has now had several weeks with no letters below the line. If only they could start school later..{sigh}. James had one C but there were a series of circumstances that had led him to have an F at midterms (which is not a norm for him), so I think bringing it from an F to a C in 4 weeks is pretty amazing. Randall had all As & Bs. They are so much like me it is scary....if only they applied themselves more, they would do such amazing things.

So life keeps on moving.....we should be able to handle our bills for a few more months, but if he doesn't find a job soon, I'm not sure how much longer past that we can hold on.

We had a scare about a month ago when about 90% of two groups in my company got laid off. I was very worried, but Randy assured me I would still be employed and even better is I won't need to move to Louisville, he WANTS me to stay remote. I feel so very blessed by this prospect and yet I can't help feel anger, resentment, fear, and hurt by their decisions that will leave many of my friends and fellow coworkers without jobs beginning in March of 2010.

I finished Mandy's stuff for her baby shower *posted some pictures above* and now I am working on quilts and hats for everybody for Christmas! **I posted the first one for Christmas above too...this is for my mom!

I long to be like Jesus........

I read and follow many blogs, but none hits me quite as much as Katie at Amazima.

http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/


Katie amazes me with her faith and love and all of the ways she has adapted and the ways she helps children in a country that isn't hers. She has made it hers. She has made the children hers. She loves like Jesus. Serves like Jesus. When Jesus comes, I can only imagine that Katie will be among those at God's feet and will hear "Well done".

Emotions

I started to make a post yesterday, but said to myself NO...you are way too emotional to write anything. What happens if somebody actually reads your Blog? You don't really want anybody to know how you are feeling.....then I read McMama's post title "Honestly". Sure, McMama has hundreds, even thousands of readers, and a few that are personally attacking her. She DOES have the right to say and do whatever she wants on her own blog....so I thought...SO DO YOU!! Nobody reads this, and I have always wanted a place to journal my thoughts and happenings, so why not. But, something is still holding me back.....trust?? fear??? I dunno...it is just there!

Right now, I feel raw. I feel like my minute problems are nothing compared to babies and young mommies dying, and yet, I can't seem to cope. I keep telling myself to stop reading blogs, but it has become an obsession with me. I find these strong, intelligent, wonderful people who are dealing with or have dealt with death in a fashion that shows their love of Jesus Christ. They have peace and it scares me. I am scared that I will never have the kind of peace and dignity that these people have. I am scared I will never know Jesus the way they do. I am trying, but I seem to fail. I am scared if it were to happen to me, that I wouldn't have the love and support that they do.....I feel like I am the support, so if I am sick or gone....who would take over that role?

Is that why I feel raw.....maybe! I don't know why I read and cry and read and cry somemore, but I do believe, there is a reason, and one day I will figure it out....but I am raw because of my problems too. I am sad, stressed, scared, sceptical.....my heart aches because of our financial issues, because of the toll it seems to be having on our marriage, and because of something very hurtful that I heard from somebody who was supposed to love me. I feel betrayed. I feel hurt. I feel sad. I feel like I spend my life making excuses for people and things, but then I am hit the realization that those who are the closest to me and are supposed to love me, are the ones who have the power to hurt me the worse. I feel like the world is closing in on me and I don't know how to stop it. So with all of that being said....where do I go from here? Acts 16:31 - So they said, "Belive on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household."

This house is not my home. My home is wherever my family is...so what do we do? Do we try to save the house, do we do a short sale, let it foreclose? I love our house....but I wonder if it is worth fighting for. I wonder and I worry.....Why can't I let it go? Why can't I give this worry and fear to God the way the Bible tells me to? Why do I want to just curl up in a ball and go to sleep? Why do I have so many questions, when I used to feel like I had all of the answers??

Stress..not the mind, but the body??

I haven't been feeling particuliarly well lately. I have been quite nauseous, not feeling like drinking water, usually picking Ginger Ale as it seems to settle by stomach. I have gained weight since April...a lot of weight and I know that has some to do with it. I don't feel stressed. My mind doesn't keep me up at night, I don't feel worried, I feel peace at what is happening, rather we stay or go...so why di I feel so bad. The nauseousness, the aches and pains in my bones, the fact that my "friend" hasn't arrived yet. I just don't feel good and I am beginning to wonder if my body hasn't caught on to the fact that I am not feeling stressed. Is it possible, I wonder, that your body is reacting to stress, but not your brain?? I guess if it keeps up, I will go see the doctor, but for now, I guess I will just ride it out.

I was just saying the other day how much I NEED to read the daily blog life of several woman, but this past week, I have read a bunch of negative stuff about one person. I wish I hadn't. I don't know why anybody needs to be so discouraging to others. I don't know why I read it. I am beginning to think I need to step back from the blog world and focus on myself. Thinking it and doing it are two different things. We are supposed to be positive role models for each other, we are supposed to live to bring people to Jesus. It seems everywhere I turn, people are acting and judge and jury and believe they know who will make it to Heaven and who won't. I know the only person who knows is God, shouldn't other people know that too??

Our loan modification paperwork has been received and they are in the process of reviewing it. I want to list the house on the market too though because if they deny us, I want to be able to do a short sale and not have to rely on a foreclosure....but whatever happens with it al, I will be OK. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

James, Randall, and I will be going to AWANA Basic Training this weekend. Jeremy and JC will be going to a scrimmage for Football. I can't believe I am actually starting to like watching their practices. I am glad Jeremy is playing in some aspects and others I wish we would have waited until he was a little older. I won't let him quit and some may think I am mean, but we allowed the boys to quit when they were younger and now they think they can quit whenever something isn't working for them. I don't want to let Jeremy feel the same way. Our Fall classes at church are starting in a week or two, I am very excited to be enrolling in 2, including the Boundaries class offered. I really think this will be useful for me.

I have to get back to work, just had a few things on my mind and thought it would be a good idea to get them down now since I seem to have a problem remembering what is on my mind!

Cute picture of Krissie!

We've been busy....and I have pictures to prove it!

Since April, we have been very busy, so I have included

a few shots of what we have been up to...

We went to a Wine Family Reunion (Sarah, Becca, & Jeremy)

Jeremy played Baseball and turned 6!!

Jeremy graduated from Kindergarten

(and the boys move up to 7th grade, but its not cool to get pics in middle school)

We went to my mom's/sister's house and the beach for my 33rd birthday

We had lots of family down for the summer

(Unfortunately, this will probably be the last picture we get of Alayna

and Bella, but that is a whole other post)

I made my very first quilt....and I am very excited!

Earvin turned 16 (WOW) and I took pics of all the kiddos for a project

I have planned for Christmas

Kassie spent the week with us and we went to the zoo

(Robbie and Jack stayed some time with us too)

James and Randall turned 12...going on 25 {sigh}

And our baby.....STARTED FOOTBALL!!!

I did say football...you know, pads, helmets, tackling...the whole 9 yards...

or in this case, I guess 100 yards...HAHA

Facing the Giants

WOW - it has been so long again. I thought I would be better this year at blogging, but I found I am not so good. So much has been on my mind this year, and I am trying to deal with it. We have been super busy and I am only 2 1/2 quarters away from finally getting my degree.

I moved to Facebook from Myspace and I like it a lot better now. I don't share my thoughts/feelings like I would here, but I have reconnected with several old friends and have met many new friends through my wonderful church family. I love them all!

I am, dare I say, OBSESSED with reading Blogs here on Blogger. I follow several families who have gone through adoption and I love seeing the memories they are making for these children. I follow families who have lost their babies, or nearly lost their baby, and I am in awe of a young woman who has moved to another country to care for 13 children....all in the name of God! I don't know how or why I have been led to these posts, but I do know, I can sit here for hours and read and cry for people I only know through the grace of God. I try to break myself of the habit of checking it every day, but each day I find myself back there waiting for an update. Holding my breath waiting to make sure they are okay. I can only believe there is a reason for my manic obsession with following these lives....I think God is preparing me, preparing my heart for change????

JC has been out of work now since May and we have been making it but have wiped out our savings now. Now I feel I have reached panic mode. We have gone to see one of the free government counselors to try to save our home, but I fear it won't work in our favor. We have resigned ourselves that we may lose the house....and I am OKAY with that. We won't take this home with us to Heaven, so in the long scheme of things, it doesn't matter....but my brain doesn't listen to my rationalisations most of the time....and my heart aches to think we will have to leave this house that we have worked so hard to keep...then I think why should we keep fighting?? We are in over our heads....lets get out of it, start fresh...start brand new with just a rent payment. Rent would save us about $1400 a month....and when I see those numbers, I feel a sigh of relief....I have been confused and scared and worried for nothing, because God knows what is going to happen. He knows what will happen and when it will happen. His timing is correct, not mine! I did find it ironic that I opened a magazine tonight to an article about living in a smaller space. YES, we will have to sell/give away alot of our stuff. YES, we will have probably 1/2 the space we have now. YES, we will have to get accustomed to a smaller living space. YES, we can do it! WE WILL BE OKAY!

We watched Facing the Giants tonight and it was JUST what I needed to hear. I am facing the biggest giants I have ever faced right now, but I am going to 'plant the field and get ready for the rain'. I am going to keep working hard and whatever happens, I will know we did it for the glory of God. And if we win and stay here, I will praise Him. And if we lose and have to move, I will praise Him. Either way....it seems like a win/win situation for me!

I've heard this song many times (its from the Casting Crowns), but hearing it after watching Facing the Giants tonight, really made me think about the words in a whole new perspective. Will you take a minute and read them?? If you are having any fears or worries right now, put into God's hands...I want THE KIND OF FAITH IT TAKES TO CLIMB OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE INTO THE UNKNOWN AND CHOOSE TO LISTEN TO THE VOICE OF TRUTH!

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
On to the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand
But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me Time and time again,
"Boy, You'll never win!" "You'll never win!"
But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe The Voice of Truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me Time and time again,
"Boy, You'll never win!" "You'll never win!"
But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe
The Voice of Truth But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me
But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me(calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe(I will choose to listen and believe)
I will choose to listen and believe The Voice of Truth
I will listen and believe I will listen and believe The Voice of Truth
I will listen and believe Cause Jesus you are the Voice of Truth
And I will listen to you you are

I am struggling.........

I have been struggling for about a week now. A week ago "a friend" told me she had signed up to be ordained as a minister online in about 5 minutes. No education, no belief in God, nothing. I was appalled, what kind of place would allow this? I looked it up and I see why they do it...they don't have beliefs, they simply believe all people should be able to minister rather they are pagan, wiccan, or anything. WOW.

The next morning, she told me she had been saved during the night. That she asked for it and she received it. I was thrilled...I have been talking to her about Jesus for a long time and she always questioned everything....so I was thrilled...and asked her when she would be giving up the "cult" ministry ordination. She informed me that she wouldn't that she felt it would help her at some point in the future, that it could be used for good. I told her there was no way good could come out of being a minister in that manner....

She is asking me questions, and I am giving her information from the Bible. If I don't know something, I go to trusted people in my church and at my job to get the answer and where it can be found in the Bible...and I give it to her....only to have her turn around to her brother in law, who completely twists the scripture into crazy interpretations. I feel that I am being pulled into their web of lies and deceit and I finally have asked her to stop talking to me about it, asking me questions. I don't want to lose my sould because I am a part of this madness. I feel bad that I did this, but I feel good for me. I want to help people, but I need to help me! I want to help her, but I have to protect me! Usually I am not so selfish and only talking/caring about ME ME ME...however, this isn't normal everyday stuff....this is my eternal life we are talking about. On Friday I fell horrible, today I feel much better, but I am still struggling, wondering if I only knew more about the God's word if I could have helped her and not have given up on her.

I. AM. STRUGGLING. but I am looking towards Heaven!

I Am a 'Kept ' Woman?

I Am a 'Kept ' Woman?

You see, there were a few times when I thought I would lose my mind, But GOD kept me sane. (Isa. 26:3)

There were times when I thought I could go no longer, But the LORD kept me moving. (Gen 28:15)

At times, I've wanted to lash out at those whom I felt had done me wrong, But the LORD kept my mouth shut.. (Psa. 13)

Sometimes, I think the money just isn't enough, But GOD has helped me to keep the lights on, the water on, the car paid, the house paid, etc.., (Matt. 6:25 -34)

When I thought I would fall, HE kept me up. When I thought I was weak, HE kept me strong! (I Pet. 5:7, Matt. 11:28-30)

I could go on and on and on, but I'm sure you hear me! I'm blessed to be 'kept ' Do you know a 'kept ' woman? If so pass it on to her to let her know she is 'Kept ' I'm "Kept" by the Love and Grace of God

The U in Jesus

THE U IN JESUS Before U were thought of or time had begun, God stuck U in the name of His Son. And each time U pray, you'll see it's true, You can't spell out JesUs and not include U. You're a pretty big part of His wonderful name, For U, He was born; that's why He came. And His great love for U is the reason He died. It even takes U to spell crUcified. Isn't it thrilling and splendidly grand He rose from the dead, with U in His plan? The stones split away, the gold trUmpet blew, and this word resUrrection is spelled with a U. When JesUs left earth at His upward ascension, He felt there was one thing He just had to mention. 'Go into the world and tell them it's true That I love them all - Just like I love U.' So many great people are spelled with a U, Don't they have a right to know JesUs too? It all depends now on what U will do, He'd like them to know, But it all starts with U. Will YOU pass it on. When Jesus died on the cross he was thinking of you!