Well, it is Christmas Eve. Hard to believe how fast it came around. I have been so focused on getting my quilts done, I still have 3 hats to make but I just can't seem to find the energy to WANT to do them. I feel like I am getting depressed and I am trying to stop that from happening. I know that there are soooooo many people out there in far worse situations than us and so for that reason, I try to just forget my problems. I am trying but I seem to be failing.
We have paid the mortgages on time for the past 3 months....but it has virtually left us with not but a few dollars in our pockets (which scares me because if one of us gets sick).....but on to something else. Looks like January's payment on the first mortgage is going to be late. I don't see any other way. I thought once the New Year started, we would be in a better position...that was until I found out that the Federal Government says Sallie Mae can't give me the full amount of money for the FINAL quarter of school. So I am stuck...paying $250 out of pocket for my text books, and making 3 payments of $150 to cover my classes, oh and the $120 fee to get my diploma....it all seems so unfair...but like I said I know other people have it worse.
I am blessed to have a job, a house, clothes (even though most have holes in them), shoes, food, a husband, 3 healthy kids, and even a dog and 2 cats. I want to get out of this funk I am in. I want to do something to make this world a better place. I think about that song alot...not sure what the title is, but it says, "How can I further your Kingdom, when I'm so wrapped up in mine?" WOW...that is exactly how I feel. I want to forget my problems exist and do something, but I don't know how. I keep thinking our best option would be to let the house go. It is dragging us down and I am starting to wonder why we continue to fight so hard to keep something that is only hurting us.
Oh....I don't know if it is good or bad news. JC feels like I am going places (without him). I don't know if he means physically or literally, but I feel bad for him for feeling that way. He has had a hard life and he can't get past it....anyway I digress...I just found out this past Monday, I will be expected to travel back and forth to Kentucky all of February and 1/2 of March to train....basically it means that I will be taking a TEAM LEAD position (I wonder if it will come with a raise??)since my team lead now is taking a manager position. I will be in charge of training....this thought is hard for me in a couple of ways. First I have only flew once...ONCE...and that was back before I decided on my own never to drink again...so I had a Strawberry Dauquiri before I got on the plane...so now I am going to be flying TWICE a week for 6 weeks...that is a little bit of a shock to this girl who never leaves home. Second, I am not an outgoing sort of person...so to be in charge of training (even though it is only 2 people) is scary to me. Third, I will be away from the boys and JC and I am not sure how that is going to go for me or for them. Fourth, IF JC finds a job between now and then, what will I do with the kids?? And if he doesn't find a job between now and then, we might as well start packing, because we have already agreed if he doesn't find a job by March, we have no choice but to let it go..........so maybe all of these thoughts are what is making me so melancholy. I don't know....but it's Christmas Eve and I say enough is enough.
Last night I read, played Battleship, and started a puzzle with Jeremy. It was fun. I also found this book at the Library called 365 Afterschool Activities for TV-Free Fun for Kids Ages 7-12 (thanks to the idea of MOM2MY9 who does a blog about TV-Free Fun for Toddlers). While I was finishing up my work yesterday so I can be off the rest of the year, Jeremy was lonely since his brothers were at a sleepover...so I got out the book and let him do Newspaper dancing. When I read it, I thought, heck no, that will make a mess...but quickly I said, who cares. I read him the instructions, helped him set up his square newspaper floor, and let him have it. He jumped, hopped, did the worm, wadded the paper up, threw the paper, shredded the paper and made confetti (BIG CONFETTI NOT THE SMALL KIND)and threw it over his head. WOW...he made me laugh, he laughed himself, and it kept him busy for about 10 minutes...when the fun was over, he even cleaned up himself with only 2 reminders from Mom. So yesterday, was okay....upsetting about school but made so much better by this little boy who just finds the absolute joy in everything he does.
So now where does that leave me...well I have the next 11 days off of work and no traveling to do. WOW..that never happens!! So, if it isn't too terribly cold, we are going to check out the SC zoo. We have never been, it is free since we have a yearly pass to all zoos, we will pack a lunch so it won't cost us anything but gas. We are going to implement a game night in 2010. My husband and I have resolved to stop using our gas cards as a way to get snacks and sodas..which I hope will help us lose weight AND save money. I am going to spend as much time as I can with my kids this week since they aren't in school and I'm not working and then on January 4th...I will start planning on how to tackle our debt...oh yeah it is time to get out there and start our 3-mile walk today. I have been doing good with the 3-mile walks on Tuesdays and Thursdays and I usually get one WEEKEND day in but it seems I have never gotten both days in...humm got to work on that...oh and if I end up in Kentucky..>I will need to change my schedule around, because if I am only going to see the boys for 2 days a week, I am NOT going to be spending a couple hours out walking without them.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to us all! Remember - Jesus is the Reason for the Season!!
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