2025 is Coming to a Close

We found Pete in Charlotte and I now know where to go to find the Grandmother Tree.

Thanksgiving and Christmas have come and gone and in 2 days we will ring in the New Year. We spent some time with family and tomorrow we are going to Asheville to find the 12 traveling trolls!

My hope is that we can get healthier, make better decisions with money, finish the last 3 state parks and maybe find the WV swings, spend time with family and work hard to afford our bills and adventures! I also have some personal projects that I want to start focusing on to clear out my office, make a recipe book, sort out the boys old school projects and possibly start working on writing a book.

We Found Sally in High Point

 Yesterday, JC and I went to Falls lake and Kerr Lake and hiked two more parks, on the way back he surprised me by taking me to High Point to visit Little Sally! She was amazing and we had a wonderful day together :-) Only 3 more parks to finish.

Troll Hunting - Raleigh, NC

 last weekend we went to Raleigh and found the five trolls at Dorothea Dix Park. Looking forward to finding the last two near me and then making the trip to Asheville to see the other 12.

Where Has the Time Gone?

 WOW! I can't believe it has almost been 4 years since I last posted on this site. I started this blog 20 years ago when I was working on my Bachelors. Throughout the years, I would say I am trying to get better at blogging but it never happened. I would periodically sign in and write a post, write down a few words to say what was happening at that moment, post a few pictures and then a year later pick it back up....but it has seriously been almost 4 years and I don't even know why. I did start writing in a personal journal on my cell phone but that has dwindled as well. 

I started that in November of 2023 and made posts about things we had done: Thanksgiving, the Lauren Daigle Concert with Gladys, taking Gronk to have him put down, attending the Mistletoe Market at Camp North End in Charlotte, Christmas at Jack's house and the light show on the way home, Christmas as Charity and at home with the boys, Wonka with Julie and Michelle, Walking some trails, bringing in the new year, date nights with JC, National Whitewater Center with Jeremy, Dawn, and Kristen, Grove Pottery painting with the girls, memories and pop up messages that they gave me prompts for, Jonas Ridge Snow Tubing with Michele and the kids, Matthew West concert with Gladys and Kristen, Pinspiration painting with the girls, Uncle Johnny's passing away, Anniversary trip to Brevard, Aaron Lewis concert with JC, Hiking, Girls' Game Night, surgeries for Mom and Sandi, an Alpaca Farm tour, with the girls, Worthy Women's Conference, Abigail's wedding, baseball games, trips with the boys, Big Daddy Weave concert with Randall, more movies, more travels, Everett's funeral,  Wytheville trip with Michaela, Sullenberger Aviation Museum with the girls, more movies, more walking, a Lake Trip with my mom and sisters, more hiking, NKOTB concert with Sandi, Family Reunion at Dad's house, putting Kathy into the nursing home and watching her very quickly decline and ultimately her passing, a trip to Hershey for my job, Atlantic Beach trip for our yearly October get away, having to put Jessie down due to a cancerous tumor on her leg, a trip to see Joe and Cindi Laskowski and more hiking/walking.

2 years of updates in one paragraph.  It is crazy to go back through all of those posts. It is easier to just post on my phone then signing into my computer and posting here, but I kind of wish all of those posts were on here.  After Kathy passed away, I went through an immense sadness that I didn't know how to handle. I talked to the Hospice Grief Counselor several times and she helped me walk through some of it....regret is a crazy thing. You can do everything in your power to make somebody's life better but still feel like you let them down. I helped care for Kathy for 3.5 years after George passed away and it was a wild and crazy few years. This past year was even crazier as I tried to get out of the funk. The counselor said it was okay not do something all the time, that my body was tired after being in a flight or fight mode for so many years, and it was okay to rest. I feel like I took that too heart and did a lot of nothing for quite awhile.

I did a podcast with Carolyn a couple of weeks ago, I was so nervous but I did it. She said it turned out great...I am not sure about that, but I do feel good about talking about it out loud. She asked if I had a place to store my pictures for others to see. I really don't know where I would start with that. They aren't spectacular just memories being made and trying to showcase the glory of the world that the Lord has provided. I am blessed in all situations and I need to do a better job of showing that.

I am off to get ready for work. Lots of thinking about doing stuff in the future...crafts I want to work on, books I would like to write, plans to make for what to do after I finish the 2 NC State Parks.. Until next time!

A Whole Different Type of Exhaustion

 How is it that 2021 went so quickly? It was another crazy year and as usual, I did very little blogging/journaling. I have set a 52 week plan and one of the goals is to journal at least one time per week.  I basically did not complete any of the tasks for the first week, but I hope that I can do better every week throughout the year...being intentional to give myself self-care.

I am exhausted with how this world is. I am exhausted from having chronic sinus issues that mirror this stupid CoVid disease. I am exhausted from worrying if somebody likes or dislikes me because of my choice to not take the CoVid vaccine. I am exhausted with the lack of human compassion....I am just plan exhausted. I am exhausted by having to chase down everything because people aren't doing their job and use CoVid as a cop out.  I am exhausted with worrying about everybody all the time.

This year I am truly trying to intentionally take care of me. It is embarrassing to order a size 3X Snow jacket and have to send it back because it doesn't fit. It is embarrassing that I have gained so much weight back. My body aches, I have trouble doing simple things and I just want to feel better and feel better about myself.  We have been going on adventures....the Creeper Trail, Hiking, a white elephant Christmas party, we are about to do a painting day and snow tubing...some of this stuff I aI m too out of shape for, but I want to live. I am tired of people holing up in their houses waiting for some government official to give them the OK to step outside without fear.  I don't want to fear living and getting together with some friends and doing these things has helped me in ways I didn't think possible. I told JC with the two jobs and helping his mom and worrying about paying two sets of bills, this one time (or sometimes 2 times) per month is saving my sanity.

I do need to quit spending so much money. Ordering online has turned out to be way too EASY....I need to get this debt paid off and as long as I keep spending and prices keep soaring, I will never be able to get the noose from around my neck.  

I don't want to be sick and tired anymore. I want to live life with abundance just like God wants for us.  He didn't want us to live in fear waiting to die from this disease. I have come to the resolution that I will probably never see my father again and that makes me incredibly sad. I am saddened by his interpretation of the vaccine and I have a hard time calling him because of the pain of hearing him tear me down. He fought for this country so that people like me, could have the freedom to choose, and yet, he doesn't want that freedom to mean anything any longer. I am exhausted and I am confused....and I just want things to go back to the way they were before March of 2020.

Until next time....I am sorry if this sounds crazy.  I don't have much time to put my thoughts together....these are just a few of the things I am feeling right now.

Robbing Peter to Pay Paul is Exhausting....but I Think I am Starting to See the Light at the End of the Tunnel

 I say that I will try to do better every time I write and I never take the time to do it. I need to do it more. In High School I used to love to write. In a Journal. In a diary. In my classes. I wrote short stories and poems. Writing was a way to express how I was feeling, kind of the same way reading was and somewhere along the way, I have just lost interest in doing both. Or maybe I am just too tired these days to try, but I have been looking at the bookmark for the past week telling myself to get on and say something...anything....and today is the day.

I feel like this past year has been a roller coaster. It was around this time when I applied for a second job spraying schools for COVID. I started the first week in September. It was fun for a little bit, I was so out of shape so I was sore, but it felt good to bring in a little extra money and get up and move around. It ended up badly because of the tool of an owner he was, but I learned a lot about what I was capable of. Right around the time I stopped working for him in November, I started taking a more hands on responsibility with JC's parents' care. I realize I wouldn't have been able to do both so I think it was another timing situation orchestrated by God. I know He is in control of it all, even if I don't always give Him the credit. 

Around the time JC's dad passed away, I set up a new account at BB&T for his mom and they offered me a loan. It was a great way to pay down some debt, which gave me a little wiggle room to breath....but now I am saddled with two personal loan payments that are about as much as a house payment. Every month, I pray that using the credit cards along with my income will be enough to help us through to the next paycheck. It truly is exhausting. Also with the thought of Randall moving out soon and losing the rent money he has been paying me, I applied for another part time job. I wasn't sure how I would do it with all of the time I was spending with JC's mom, but I had to try. I got hired on with QVC and started the first week of June. It has been about two months. I have had to step back from so much time at JC's mom's house, but JC has picked up the slack. I work 4 (sometimes 5) days per week and get 3 evenings off. It has been a great help to start chipping away at the credit cards I had started to use again. I need to learn to say NO....especially to myself.

JC doesn't like the idea of me working a second job, but I told him, it helps me support my crafting habit and I get a pretty good discount and have been able to start shopping for Christmas gifts, so I need to be able to pay for those purchases as well. A few weeks ago, I talked to Rick about a Home Equity Line of Credit ("HELOC") and he helped me find a place to apply. I applied with a local credit union and got approved. It is taking the equity out of my house, which scares me, but it is giving me enough to pay both personal loans and MOST of the credit card debt off. The part time job will help me pay off the rest. I have 30 years to pay it back but I have no intention of doing that. My minimum payment will be more than half of what I used to have to pay, in fact, the $510 minimum payment is about the same amount I was paying in interest every month. My plan is to pay down all of the card and then start socking as much towards the HELOC if I can. The great thing about the HELOC is I can draw from it for repairs on the house as they are needed over the next 15 years. I hope I don't have to, but it will be a good option in the event something happens. I feel like this is the break I needed to be able to breathe and pay our bills every month. JC asked if I could stop working at QVC now, but I told him I want to keep doing it for at least a little while because the extra money is nice and I don't feel bad when I buy something craft related now.  We will see what the future holds, but for now, I am riding on the high of getting this accomplished.

Also, we just opened a new account ourselves with BB&T. It's crazy because I have been holding on to the account we opened with First Citizens when we moved down here, but they have recently made some changes and it's just not the same type of service we were used to getting. I am ready for the change and I am ready to keep building up my credit (even though it is really good right now) and removing as much debt as possible, because once the boys move out, I know my school loan payment is going to go up and I need a way to pay that too. I hope the boys are never saddled with this much debt and that one day, JC and I won't be either. I don't want the government to erase my school loans, but it would be nice if they could fix the interest problems with the loans. It has been nice seeing the amount of the school loans go down, ever so slightly with the payments that I have continued to make over the past year when payments weren't required because of COVID and the interest rate was 0%. I wish I could have been paying more every month but it wasn't meant to be....but I am going to keep my head up and just keep working towards the goal of getting it all paid off so maybe one day we can retire.

Until next time.....

Jeremy - the 2021 Graduate

There is so much I want to write about the changes we have gone through since the beginning of the year, but I don't have the time or energy right now, but I didn't want to wait to long to post about our baby....the youngest of our crew turning 18 and then graduating all within the past 3 weeks.  I am excited that he was able to go to prom. I am excited he got to play Soccer and Football this year. I am excited that they were in school at least part of the year. I am excited that they got to walk across the stage.  I am NOT excited about him now being an adult. The years are so long and yet go by so fast.  How does that even happen?

I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried about what the future holds...but I that has nothing to do with Jeremy himself, more so, me just being worried about everything.  Here are a few pictures to remember the day.  I will try to get back on here when I have more time to talk about what else has been going on.

First 2021 Update - We Said Goodbye to George (Johnny)

Well, just like I always, I say I will try to do better with blogging...but life happens.  I picked up a second job spraying the schools for COVID back in September and worked through December.

Looking back, I am not sure how I did it. It was good for me physically and financially, but mentally it was draining.  The guy I worked for was very unethical and the two guys that were on my team made be feel horrible at the end....but none of them define me.  After he tried to cheat on MY taxes, I put in my notice.  I was done....and I think it was all in God's timing.

JC's dad has been sick for many years.  We brought them down in 2017 to live near us in Concord with the hopes that he could become more independent and be able to take better care of himself.  Unfortunately that didn't happen as he never wanted to get dressed and go anywhere.  He probably only used his Scooter a handful of times.  Back in June, he stopped getting off of the couch.  I don't think I realized how bad it was because I was so busy internalizing the issues we were facing.  By October, he hadn't gotten up in almost 5 months and he couldn't do anything to care for himself.  He was taken to first the hospital and then to a nursing home.  They told me they were going to stop his P.T. because he wasn't getting any better but that he could continue to live in the nursing home for his wound care.  About that time, JC's mom's knee issues got worse and an ambulance was called.  She was taken to the hospital and then to a different nursing home.  Neither of them wanted to be in there and Kathy felt like she could care for him if they could come home.  

The week before Christmas, was my vacation week, so I set in motion a plan to get them both home for Christmas. He had to come home on what I thought was palliative care but was truly Hospice Care.  She got home roughly the same time he did, but things were not good.  He could not do anything for himself, even so much as turning himself over, and she couldn't even stand for more than a minute or two.  The Hospice nurse deemed it unsafe for him to stay at home.  Kathy refused the offer to go back into the nursing home until a more permanent situation could be found. George was taken to the Hospice House in Kannapolis, which was the best place he was at throughout this whole ordeal.  We took Kathy over to visit him and they ate Christmas supper together.  The next day, Kathy called the paramedics again and went back to the hospital saying she couldn't care for herself.

Through much work and discussions, with Social Security, Medicaid, Medicare, Hospice, Nursing Homes, assisted living, etc....we got her into another nursing home closer to our house and started the process to get George into the same one temporarily together.  There is so much more I could write about the endless paperwork, applications, phone calls, but there isn't enough time for that.

Dawn and Billy came down on the 13th of January to help us clean out their apartment.  On the 14th, JC, Billy, and Dawn visited with George at the Hospice House.  This is important for several reasons, but mainly because during this time of COVID, there are is a no visitation policy at the nursing homes.  I had asked that they push back his date of discharge 2 days so he could see his grandson whom he hadn't seen in 3 years.  They allowed it.  This would be the final time for him to see his daughter and son and the grandson that he raised.  They spent an hour or more with him and then he was transferred to the nursing home in Salisbury and was sharing a room with Kathy.

They were very upset with us about the amount of stuff we were getting rid of.  The last time I talked to him that Friday night, I was very stern with him.  I feel horrible, but I think I was at a breaking point by then.  Plans were made and changed and changed again.  It was the last conversation I ever had with him.

On Monday night, JC took Dawn home and Randall took Billy and Toby home.  Gronk came to stay with us.  Monday night Dawn called me in tears because George had called her and said he was getting a pain pill every hour because he was at end of life.  She wanted to know if she needed to come back down.  I told her I didn't think so because they had been telling me he was fine.  She called the night nurse and she confirmed that all was good.  On Tuesday morning, I talked to the NP who told me he was alert, eating, drinking, and from what she could tell he wasn't going to die anytime soon.  I also spoke to the Hospice nurse to find out why they stopped giving him his insulin and one coumadin and if they were truly giving him a pain pill every hour.  The nurse explained that they ordered morphine for every hour in case something happened suddenly during a time when a pharmacy wasn't opened. He wasn't receiving an oxy pill every hour which is what he thought. That was around 9-10am. The nurses gave him a bath, he ate half of his breakfast. I planned to call George Tuesday afternoon to ask him if he wanted me to remove him from Hospice care and let the doctors at the nursing home take over his care but that chance never came.  JC was doing a window visit around 1pm.  His mom got stuck trying to get in the bed and I had to call a nurse to come down and help her.  About that time, their lunches were brought and they tried to wake George up to eat and he wasn't responding.  JC called me again panicked yelling that he was dying, about that time, the director of nursing called me to tell me they thought he was about to pass.  I told her JC was outside the window and asked if he could come in. She told me to have him go around to the front and they would have to do the COVID protocols. While he was getting robed, had his temperature taken, and a quick result COVID test, his father passed away. He was with his wife of 54 years. JC got there right after they called his time of death on January 19th at 1:40pm.  I had to call Dawn to tell her. I had no car so Randall had to drive me over there. I had him drop me off and I was going to set on the bench until JC came out, but JC asked me to come in.  For the first time since COVID started I had to take a COVID test, but I did it for him.  We stayed in the room together for a couple of hours until they came to pick up his body.  A lot of decisions were made and we had a Farewell at the crematory. Angela bought Taz and Bella up and Dawn came with Dave and her kids.  all of the boys were there as well.  When they all left on Friday, I crashed mentally and didn't do anything productive for several days.  A good friend reminded me that when it is your time to go, it is your time and nothing I did would have changed that.  It was just what I needed to hear.

It has been a long road.  Kathy is now in an apartment right down the street from us.  She is ineligible to receive assistance for living assistance because she makes too much now that she is eligible for his social security so we had no choice. Things have calmed down some and for that I am grateful but we still have a long way to go with her care. I will try to come back again soon, but for now here are a couple of pictures of George while he was in Hospice.  Before and After his haircut/beard trim.  They allowed us to bring somebody in to cut it and a friend got her cousin to come up for me...The last four pictures are the memorial lantern I made for Kathy.